My dad is a drug addict. What do I tell my son?

Question

There are rumors that he is "clean," but those never pan out it seems, but because of his extremely violent history towards me and the rest of the family as well as the community we have chosen of course to keep my new son away from him. My dad told me and my siblings about his "recreational habits" and those of my grandfather's (which were the same as his) and I turned out okay, but my siblings are all on drugs (2 are teenagers) or started sleeping around at a very young age. My question is how do I keep from deceiving my little boy later in life, but also keep that influence away? My husband and I don't do drugs, drink, or smoke, so he won't have that influence at home.

Answer 1

Honey, my heart bleeds for you. What an awful predicament. First, you have to realize that your first responsibility is to you son. Under no circumstances should he be allowed to be in the presence of anyone who is loaded. As far as what to tell him, you can say, "Grandpa is sick. He loves you very much, but he can't see you till he gets better." You don't need to go into any detail about his illness. When he's older and better able to understand, then you can explain. Good luck, sweetheart, and God bless. I'm so proud of you for being drug-free! Give yourself a pat on the back.

Answer 2

When I found out my sons father was smoking crack I told him clean up or you never see your son again. Well, he killed himself a couple years later. I know I made the right decision. So I understand the situation you are in.

My son has known almost for as long as I have known about his fathers habits. I think that honesty is the best policy. He knows his father smoked crack and all sorts of other things, he just doesn't know that his father committed suicide. But I think he's almost old enough to know the truth about that, he's 11.

My son's father grew up in a family full of secrets. Didn't feel like he fit in and found out when he turned 30 that he was adopted when his natural mother located him. I think that was the straw that broke the camels back because 6 months later he was found dead of an OD of prescript. meds.

I think that you should definately tell your son the truth from the beginning. Lies fester and grow and become moldy and harder to keep going. If you tell the truth from the beginning then you have nothing to lie about in the future. It's also a great defense against your son ever trying drugs. Tell him that addiction runs in the family and that's why it's important for him to never try drugs, because there is a great chance that he can become an addict. But also tell him that if he ever chooses to try drugs that you will not hate him, and you will not get angry. Tell him that if he chooses to try drugs to wait until he is older. The younger you are trying drugs and alcohol the greater chance of becoming an addict. If you are older, you already have a developed brain. Don't let the schools teach him about drugs, you teach him. You are his greatest teacher, the one he will listen to the most and you aren't saying anything he will try to find out himself.

One more thing, kids are very capable of understanding. Speak to him like an adult and he will listen, absorb and respond like an adult.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You don't mention how old your son is, which really matters in what you say.

If your son is young I wouldn't tell him very much, but I would definitely keep him from having any contact with your dad, for both his physical and emotional safety.

When your son is older and asks questions, I would answer them honestly, but without a lot of scary detail. For example, I would tell him grandpa uses drugs, and when he's on drugs he acts very badly, and so it's safest for everyone not to be around him. I wouldn't tell him violent stories or anything- that could scar him.

For your sake, and your kid's sake, GO TO AL ANON. They will be really supportive and a *great* place to help you sort out these issues, as well as the issues you might have from being raised by an addict. Meetings are free and all over the place.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Tell your son the truth, thats the best policy. I've adopted my
neice at birth and I told her the truth about her Parents and as she
ot older (she is now 9yrs. old) and she does not see or speak to
her Father due to his bad choice. As for her Mother she is now
drug free and has a good job, and I take her to visit her Mother
every so often. She has other siblings and they were all told the truth re: their parents. She says that her brother is Stupid when
he says he wants to visit his Dad. My Daughter also experinced
the same thing the only difference is that she always spoke her
mined at the age of 3 and she Kicked her father out of our Apt.. Children see how people are and how they act different when
their on drugs. Don't let him grow up around him, it will just break his little heart. Move if you can. Let your Father know how you feel. If he doesn't like it oh well.

Answer 5

When your son is at an appropriate age, you tell him about drugs and what the results of using does, including breaking up families. You answer his questions honestly in short answers and keep communication open and honest. You don't have to go into sordid detail, but, be honest. A few sentences is all you need to start with. I don't really understand what you mean by not wanting to deceive your son. You keep some things to yourself to protect him until he is old enough to understand. You definitely have to keep him away from users including family.

Drug education can start very young. Teaching children to respect their bodies and what they put in them, ie. good food, no chemicals, no smoking and how it hurts your strength for life. You can also teach about how chemicals destroy families and relationships.

You sound like really good parents. Saludos!

Answer 6

When your son gets older I would tell him exactly what is going on with your father, because he will probably figure it out at some point. For now I would just keep your son away from him. You can use your father as an example as to why not to use drugs, when your son is old enough to understand. Hopefully your father and other family members will have gotten help before then. I hope things get better for you.

Answer 7

one in all the different answerers is sweet. you do not favor to sit down down and tell him the full tale. tell him bits he can comprehend for the age he's now. As he grows older, asks extra questions and knows extra, then you definitely can tell extra, back in holding with what he can comprehend. you would start up with useful issues about him, case in factor, what drew you to him interior the first position. Then tell him that his dad had a poor affliction that took him faraway from you both. (that is authentic.) by using the time your son is 9 or 10, he is going to be listening to about drugs and dependancy in college. you do not ignore that addictions, even if that's for drugs or alcohol would nicely be genetically predisposed, so that's crucial that you sit down and characteristic the drug and eating communique not once, yet on an on-going foundation. It doesn't damage to communicate inclusive of his wellbeing care professional to comprehend what indicators to seem for in case your son would teach an addictive personality, and it so, evaluate domicile drug assessments in his youngster years. If he knows from even as he's youthful that abusing drugs can take him faraway from the people he loves and who love him, he will be a lot less probably to attempt with them. final analysis, your challenge is two-fold. To enable him do not ignore that you want him no count what, and that drug dependancy took away his dad. enable him understand you'll do your very best to make positive that this affliction not in any respect impacts him back by using assisting him to stay sparkling, sober, and a functioning individual sometime.

Answer 8

This a tough subject I know because my father is a recovering addict. I have always told my children the truth (asap)

My reason for telling them the truth is because I didn't want anyone else to tell them something else. Also talking to them about drugs and sex is important because no matter what you do it is still out here, just more odvice in some arears than others.

Plus you don't want them to think you are the reason they don't know there grandfather, let them get to see the type of person he is so they can make a decision on their own about him.

Lastly remember he is your dad, and forgiving him allows peace of mind in your heart.

Answer 9

I would tell my son, if he asks about him, that he made some really bad choices in life that were dangerous to you and your family and this is why you are staying away from him.

Add that if he makes the same choices in his life he will end up lonley and forgotten like his grandad.

Remember that granfathers are an important influence in a kids life. If your dad comes with bad habits, he may end up picking them up, like your siblings. Keep him away.

Answer 10

Have you considered moving away?? That would be the best way. I've learned from my uniquely disturbed parents & family that just because they may be blood doesn't make them good for you. I have the same problem, not w/drugs, but my dad has gone off the deep end as though he were on drugs. Come to think of it maybe thats the problem! I just cut contact w/him. I can't wait to move away, he has littaraly lied, & gone out of his way to destroy my family & then comes back & says how sorry he is. I of course feel bad for him & want him to see his grandkids. But after awhile I just realize that its going to do more damage in the long run, so I just break off contact, & hopefully will never see him again. Thats my best advice :-(