What can help bridge the gap between my 21 mo old and me, his mom?

Question

He is my 3rd child and also my 3rd boy.

He is very intelligent. He talks quite a bit and very playful. I am having a hard time accepting the terrible 2's with him. He is very whiney...and very demanding. I am normally very patient...but I find myself getting frustrated easily! I work full time and my husband is disabled, but is Mr. Mom. (He wasn't for the first 2, we both worked)

My 21 month old refuses age appropriate toys. He wants hot wheels, anything having to do with cars, action figures (he says spiderman), and game systems.

His brothers are 6 and 8 years old. So, another question...consider it a bonus question. How can I convince them to let brother have the old toys they won't play with anymore? Should I consider letting him have hot wheels this early?

I am planning on giving "best answer" points. So, please take this seriously...and not just for points.

Answer 1

Kudos to you for being such an involved Momma! First of all, all kids are different and the youngest tends to mature earlier because they imitate their older siblings with the cool hot wheel toys. I see nothing wrong with letting him play with what he wants to as long as you have evaluated the toys for safety. And you're a Mom - you know what is OK for your kids to play with. Don't let anyone else undermine your innate knowledge of what is OK for YOUR children. As for your 6 and 8 year olds, don't ask - tell! In a nice way, explain why these toys are being given a "new home" and redirect them back to what they were already doing. At this age, as the Mom you need to take the upper hand and set limits.

In closing - Wow! I think you are doing great with three boys and a husband who need you. One of my three was especially difficult and I can completely relate to how draining that can be. Pat yourself on the back for being a caring and loving Mom and don't sweat the small stuff. And, you know this as you have older kids, but the twos don't last forever. Good luck!!!

Answer 2

A Gap? At first I thought you must be talking about a 21YR old~

Well, first of all, typical two yr old behavior is called 'TERRIBLE' for good reason.
Most are totally unreasonable as they try to figure out new things
What /why/ when/ who? for the first time . Perhaps your other
two boys were easy-going and it makes the 3rd seem difficult, yet, he's just an
average 2yr old, maybe more curious, and as you said intelligent, but you're
exhausted due to working full time
and don't have time to get to ' know' your son.
Perhaps,he senses a 'gap' between you and wants your attention~
Try one-on-one conversations (no toy can replace you)
Are you the one bathing him? Powdering & tickling, even
if he's out of diapers. Back rubs! You do it for him, then he'll attempt to
do the same for you .
Bond, bond, bond!
If he ever 'feels' you 'prefer' his brothers, then you have
problems.

Last but not least, the old family rocking chair is your best friend~
Relaxing...and, if he'll allow you to rock him, the closeness will really become enjoyable for both of you . Rock, cuddle, sing
(whiney kids usually like to be held)

My 4yr old greatgranddaughter loves all of the above !

Hope this helps...Sincerely,Mawmaw

Answer 3

Younger siblings tend to be precoscious, and I think it's inevitable with brothers that much older than he is. Of course he wants to play with what his brothers do! He idolizes them!

It's okay for him to have matchbox cars, make sure the wheels are secure, and same with other toys, make sure they are safe for him, and htings that aren;t keep out of his reach and have the other boys play with them behind a closed bedroom door.

As far as getting the other boys to share old toys ... that is a little more difficult, depending on their personalities. But you could put it to them that they are privleged to have a little brother, and that it is their right and responsibility to teach him about the world around them, and since he likes their stuff, maybe they could share, as well, it may keep him out of their things.

Recognize too, that you may be feeling more of a gap with this child because of the changed circumstances in your family, but that you are no less important as a Mom!!

Bless you hun.

Answer 4

The answer to both of your questions is the same.
I am quite sure you already know this, But for whatever reason you do not apply it.

Answer:
You must have a balance between reward and punishment, If either of your children do not obey you, Then there must be a punishment ( only you can decide the punishment ), If they obey you, Then there must be a reward ( only you can decide the reward ).
It really is that simple.

Answer 5

Honey,you need to star excepting your kid is way past your other children in smarts! He is the youngest of three boy's. He watches,and listens to every thing you other two do and say!! Of course he's going to act older! He is growing up with older siblings!! Calm down,take a deep breath,because,he's NORMAL!!! Give him the car's. Now count your blessings. Everything is going to be wonderful!!

Answer 6

You need to seek professional help......a family counselor, to help u both..........As far as your older sons.....they should've had hot wheels a couple of years ago......its not too early, at all!! You just tell them that they have no choice, they have to give their old toys to their younger brother so they can get the "BIG BOY" toys.....