What is your funniest joke?

Question

Make me laugh hard enough and you will earn your self 10 points!

Answer 1

The Parrot Boy

An old man is sitting on a bench in central park when a teenager with a rainbow hair-dyed mohawk spiked up like a punk rocker and a nose ring sits down next to him.

The man begins to stare at him for a long time in shock.

Then the teenager says, "What you looking at old man?"

The man replys, "Nothing, nothing."

Again the man begins to stare at him for a long time and the teen says, "What's your problem, old man, you never did anything crazy when you were a kid?"

The old man replies, "Yeah, the thing is when I was a teen I got real, real drunk and f_u_c_k_e_d a parrot, and I was thinking that you might be my son."

Answer 2

I'm terrible at repeating jokes but here goes.

A man walks up to a bartender and orders a shot, looking all drunk. They both start talking and joking, then the man says, " we'll I bet you 200 bucks I can n piss in this shot glass from three feet away." The bartender see that he's drunk and can barely stand up so he says how about $1000 from 6 feet away, and he shows him the money. The man says even better. So, the guy gets on top of the bar and starts pissin all over the bar, the bartender, the liquor, the costumers, and everything. The bartender start laughing and telling him i told you so. The guy pays him and the bartender sees that the man is all happy and laughing, and he says what are you so happy about you just lost a thousand dollars, then the man says, " yeah well you so the 5 guys in suits in the back of the room? I bet them $2000 dollars a piece that i could piss all over you the bar, your costumers and you wouldn't even get mad in fact you would be happy about it."

Answer 3

three white men go to a tribal island and get stuck. the leader of the tribe made an unusaul request, he told them all to go find 10 pieces of fruit and return. when the men come back the leader says, you most shove the fruit up your butt without makng a noise. The first man to go have 10 apples, after number four he winced in pain and was killed instantly. the next man to go was more lucky, he had 10 grapes. he managed to get 8 grapes in, before he burst out laughing. he was killed to.

both of the men that died went to heaven, when the first man saw the second he said "you had grapes! what happened?" the second guy replied "i saw the last guy coming with pinnaples!"

Answer 4

A young, newly-ordained priest is assigned to a parish in a run-down inner city neighborhood.

As he's walking along the sidewalk, a woman in a short skirt and a lot of makeup calls out to him, "Hey Father, want a quickie? Fifty bucks!" The young priest is so naive, he doesn't even know what a "quickie" is. "Err... no, thank you," he says, and hurries along.

A few blocks later the same thing happens again; and several more times as he's walking along, young women offer him a "quickie" for fifty bucks. Finally, he reaches the church, and later in the day goes to see the Mother Superior.

"Mother Superior, you're a woman, perhaps you could tell me ... what's a 'quickie'?"

Mother Superior replies, "Same as downtown, fifty bucks."

Answer 5

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 6

A blonde was pulled over by a cop. The cop asks her to please step out of the car. The officer then proceeds to draw a circle around where she is standing and tells the blonde not to step outside this circle. The policeman then goes over to the blonde's car and smashes her headlight out. He looks back at her and the blonde is smiling. He then smashes the windshield with his billyclub. He looks back again and the blonde is chuckling. Confused and angry by this the cop gets a sledgehammer out of his trunk and bashes the blonde's car in pretty good. The cop looks at the blonde again and she is just dying laughing. The officer asks her,"What are you laughing at? I just about totaled your car here!" The blonde replies,"Well......everytime you weren't watching, I stepped outside the circle."

Answer 7

Subject: Ahkmed the Arab

Ahkmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East, and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said: "Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes."

Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the
bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"





The doctor said, "You were homesick!"

Answer 8

Ok, this guy walks into a bar overhanging a cliff. Tells the bartender to give him his strongest drink, slams it down, jumps out the window over cliff, flys a big circle and lands back at bar. Says ok, give me another one. Does the same scit, flying and all. When he lands, he pays his tab and leaves. A guy who watched walks over and says, give me a shot of what ever he just had. Shoots it and jumps out falling to his demise. The bartender says, geeze, you can be a real @$$H0!$ sometime superman.

Answer 9

best joke ever


A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices and asks the priest if he'd like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees.

The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to
which the priest answers no. He baits the hook and says, "Give it a shot, Father."

After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat.

The fisherman says, "Whoa, look at that big sonofabitch!"

Priest: "Uh, sir, can you please mind your language?"

Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY) "I'm sorry, Father, but that's
what the fish is called: -- a sonofabitch."

Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry, I did not know."

After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and
stops the Bishop.

Priest: "Look at this big sonofabitch!"

Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this is a house of God."

Priest: "No, you don't understand! That's what the fish is
called and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!"

Bishop: "Hmmm, you know I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner."

So the Bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and takes it to the head mother.

Bishop: "Could you cook this sonofabitch for dinner tonight?"

Head Mother: "My lord, what langauge!"

Bishop: "No, Sister, that's what this fish is called,
a sonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we want you to cook it."

Head Mother: "Yes, I'll cook that sonofabitch tonight."

That night the Pope stops by for dinner. He thinks the fish is great and asks where they got it.

Priest: "I caught the sonofabitch."

Bishop: "And I cleaned the sonofabitch."

Head Mother: "And I cooked the sonofabitch."

The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, takes off his hat, leans back in his chair, puts his feet up on thetable and says, "You know, you f**kers are alright!"

Answer 10

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, when I touch this part of my ankle, it hurts. What should I do?" And the doctor goes, "Then don't touch there."

Or...

Q: Why are there so many Smith's in the phone book?
A: Because they all have phones!

Hope I made you laugh...