With his parentrs and moved them from california to north carolina. Told you it would only be to visit for a while. Then awhile turns into a year. Meanwhile your going nuts looking for legal advice and find out IT"S LEGAL !!! because he's the father and we have no custody arangements. NOW he say marry me to be with your kids ? Live with me and live with your kids? He's using the kids to get me back !!! WHAT DO I DO ???? I can't afford to even fly out there. He left me here with nothing. I'm barely making it on my Kmart pay . IM desperate for suggestions . PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU SAY .This question is actually a real one this time. Im very hurt over this.
2006-07-09 13:50:37 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
love the first answer BUT, I must add his parent bought him a house right next door !!!!! So it's actually their house and their say!!!!!
2006-07-09 13:58:09 · update #1
About stealing them back . Im afraid of how this will effect my children . I dont want to take them from their daddy ( like he did ) b/c despite how im feeling. THE KIDS ADORE their father!
2006-07-09 14:00:08 · update #2
This makes my heart cringe!!!! I don't know, is it possible you could go be with him for a while just to get close to the kids again, and then get custody arrangement & take off??? Do you really not want to be w/him?? Most guys would take off & marry someone else!! Is he abusive?? I don't know what to say. It's sad. Does he have the kids best interest in mind?? I know its not fair that he took them, but could there be better opportunity where they moved too?? You sound like you could use better opportunity as well!!! I wish you the best, and hope all turns out well
2006-07-09 13:59:17 · answer #1 · answered by North of Heaven 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
PLAY THE GAME TELL HIM YES YOU WILL MARRY HIM THEN DO IT ,STAY AWHILE PUT UP EVERY DIME YOU CAN PUT UP THEN WHEN YOU FEEL YOU HAVE ENOUGH START AN ARGUMENT WITH HIM IF HE HITS YOU CALL THE LAW IF HE DONT HEAD BAND THE WALL THEN CALL THE LAW TELL THE LAW HE HAS BEEN BEATING YOU AND HE WHIPS THE KIDS HARDER THAN HE SHOULD AND TELL THE POLICE THAT THE KIDS WONT TELL ON HIM BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID OF HIM THEN TAKE A RESTRAINING ORDER OUT ON HIM SO HE CAN NOT COME CLOSE TO YOU OR THE KIDS WITH THAT MONEY YOU HAVE PUT UP FILE FOR CUSTODY IT ONLY TAKES ALITTLE BIT TO GET THE BALL ROLLING AND GET YOUR LAWYER TO ASK FOR LAWYER FEES FROM HIM.THEY WILL ORDER HIM TO PAY YOUR LAWYER THEN ALSO FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT AND SPOUSAL SUPPORT. ASK FOR THE HOUSE AND THE CAR BY THE TIME YOU ARE FINISHED YOU WILL HAVE IT ALL AND HE WILL WISH THAT HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU THE KIDS. IT CAN HAPPEN YOU JUST HAVE TO BE SMARTER THAN HIM..EVERY TIME HE ACTS UGLY WRITE IT DOWN KEEP A DAIRY.I KNOW IT SOUNDS BAD BUT YOU HAVE TO BE BAD TO BEAT BAD...
2006-07-09 14:10:54 · answer #2 · answered by susan w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you could supply more information regarding your relatinship statutus at the time he took the children, their ages and places of birth then I'll try and help you. If you want to contact me then you will find my contact points within my profile here so feel free to use them.
added:
If you will go to the site via this link and then use your search function and type in "wedlock" you will find more specific information about legal custody issues in CA.
"Legal Custody - A mother living with her child can establish her legal custody if:
She is divorced from the legal father and has a court order giving her sole or joint custody; or
She is divorced from the legal father, who has a court order granting him legal custody but has voluntarily agreed to her having actual custody; or She became the sole custodian when the legal father died; or She became the sole custodian when the legal father lost his legal parentage through legal proceedings; or The child was born out-of-wedlock, and there is no court order affecting custody of the child."
http://www.dba-law.com/FamilyLawQA.html
additional links to CA family codes:
http://www.kinseylaw.com/clientserv2/famlawservices/modifyorders/modifychildcustodyvisitation/modifycustodyvisitation.html
http://www.divorcesource.com/CA/CODE/division5_9.shtml#8
http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/CrimCustodInterfStatutes.pdf
http://findthekids.org/abdbystate.html
added: since I've researched all this information you've edited your question stating that you don't want to take your kids from him the way he did because they adore him. At the same time you dont want to be with him or allow him to use the children against you but you want to be with your children. You have to make some choices and not all of them will be easy ones. I am trying to help you, really.
2006-07-09 13:57:42 · answer #3 · answered by fun_guy_otown 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretend you will stay with him and run like hell the second you get a chance to leave with your kids. That's legal, too.
You are going to have to do better than min wage to take care of them. Unless he is abusive maybe they are better off with a financially secure parent. Maybe going back to this guy really is the best way to be with your kids. Think hard about the life they have in NC, can you give them better? Or will they be just as worried about the rent as you are?
2006-07-09 14:01:54 · answer #4 · answered by C H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very tough question and I am not sure how to answer it properly. The only thing that I can think of is keep on talking to him and try to get visitation with your kids. It is going to be a long a very hard process. Let him know that you do not care for him in that way anymore if that is how you feel. If you need someone to just talk to you can talk to me and i will give you a good ear to talk to. I wish you the best of luck.
afvet3471@yahoo.com
2006-07-09 13:58:54 · answer #5 · answered by afvet3471 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what state your in but where I live that's called kidnapping, if you have full custody of them. I would take my divorce papers to an attorney and tell him to locate my kids and that you want a warrant out on him. Even if there is joint custody he can't just move off with them unless you gave an OK.
2006-07-09 13:58:14 · answer #6 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the children were born out of wedlock in California, and you do not have a custody arrangement, then you automatically have joint custody. He is guilty of kidnapping. Call the local Sheriff's Department and file a complaint. They are the ones that handle child abduction cases.
2006-07-09 13:55:10 · answer #7 · answered by Mark W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay i kinda went through something like this myself. i am a mother of 3 and my ex tried to take them. but thing is that you are also a parent and more than him you are their mother. by him moving he has prevented you from seeing your kids. so i would say that he has in somewhat kidnapped them. i know the states dont seem to see it like that. i would not take him on his offers as far as marrying this person. personally, me i would play the "game" with him to get close to my kids. or is there a way to talk to an attorney? or maybe legal aid? i know how you feel and i am saddened by that. if you need someone to talk to email me @ i would love to keep in contact about that i would also have someone willing to give you advise on what to do. my aunt is an advocate for kids and she knows alot about the legal system and she would never charge you to talk or anything.
tamra_business@yahoo.com
2006-07-09 14:00:12 · answer #8 · answered by sweetness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is he towards the kids?If he treats them bad and the kids want to be with u it could turn into kidnapping, but i suggest u seek for legal advice.
2006-07-09 13:57:35 · answer #9 · answered by scorpion prince89 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
should of had custody worked out long ago. I would consult with a lawyer on this one to see what is a legal solution that will make both parties happy.
2006-07-09 13:54:38 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋