An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.
"OH MY GOD! ..."
2006-07-09 13:48:08 · 21 answers · asked by ? 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving ...
As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around...
"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"VERY WELL." Said God.
The light went out.
The river ran.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
... and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."
2006-07-09 13:48:26 · update #1
yes, i didn't make this up, but i thought it was cute.
2006-07-09 13:52:28 · update #2
oh my goodness...this was a completely clean joke, with no reason for anyone to be offended...and you still get offended! well, report me then! i didn't do a thing wrong, and that would be just like *you* to report someone like *me*
2006-07-09 13:57:11 · update #3
I thought it was funny and I'm an atheist...anyone who got offended should learn how to take a joke.
2006-07-09 13:57:38 · answer #1 · answered by laetusatheos 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Great, funny...but it's not right to insult those that believe differently than you do. It's this narrow minded biggotry by Atheists, Agnostics, Cahtilocs, Christians, Jews, Muslims, etc. that causes wars to be fought. Of course I agree with you in general...but jokes aren't the way to get the Word Out...WWW.UUA.ORG is! PEACE!
2006-07-09 20:57:14 · answer #2 · answered by thebigm57 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people just simply don't understand the concept of having a laugh, i am sad for people like that they must lead very monotonous life sitting in church all day long. Great joke L.O.L keep it up gal, youre a breath of fresh air on this site.
2006-07-12 19:06:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a vindictive vain jerk you make your god look like in your story! Are you sure you want god to look like that? So, unless I tell him I love him every single day, he will make a bear eat me? That's not what other believers claim, when they say God's about love and caring. Why won't you come to an agreement first, before coming out to try to scare us?
2006-07-09 20:53:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha. The first time I saw this posted--on this site--the person ended it with the bear praying, and left out him thanking god for dinner. It's a better joke with your ending.
2006-07-09 20:53:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The joke with Daniel in the Lion's dan was a more snappy version. Punch line is the same.
2006-07-09 20:58:43 · answer #6 · answered by ideaquest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, what do you call a stupid unnaccepting uneducated ******?
laugh_out_loud
Ha! isn't that funny?
so are you saying that Christians eat atheists? Or that they kill atheists? is this some sort of plot the zealots are cooking up?
yo have just been reported, Good...um...Sir? no, no...Good Thing.
2006-07-09 20:55:06 · answer #7 · answered by she who is awesome 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice one. Hear this one: A priest and Rabbi enter a bar and the bar tender said "is this some sort of joke?"
2006-07-09 20:58:01 · answer #8 · answered by meeee_3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry...I only got as far as the first paragraph...
Cut it down. This is really more of a short story than a joke.
2006-07-09 20:53:02 · answer #9 · answered by Tim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard some of this before. You made it more interesting with ur headline. Lol
2006-07-09 20:56:39 · answer #10 · answered by Pashur 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋