My 19 yr old daughter is verbally abusive to me,was I wrong to make her move out?

Question

And should I continue to come to her aid everytime she calls? When I don't she calls me a terrible mother,and says she doesn't need me. she has told me she wishes I'd have a heart attack and die.She is also abusive to her 14yr old sister but not the 10yr oldsis.

Answer 1

Honey, at 19 your daughter is considered an adult. Not knowing yall's past and what her homelife was growing up....

YOU ARE THE PARENT....I know they are her sisters, but you have the right to keep them away from her if it is damaging and daughter or no daughter if she is a danger (mentally, psychologically) to your children, you have every right to call the cops when she comes around.

Every time she calls for you to rescue her, just tell her that you've died of a heart attack so she'll have to figure something else out.

SHE IS GROWN. SHE NEEDS TO BE AN ADULT AND BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HERSELF.

If she wants you to treat her like "mama's baby" then she needs to give you the RESPECT of Mama!

Answer 2

Personally I don't think that you are wrong for making her leave. Obviously, she is grown b/c of her age and even more so b/c she thinks that she can disrespect the same woman who gave birth to her. If I were you b/c she is "so grown" I wouldn't not come to her aid every time is calls. She is old enough to stand on her own two feet and become an adult! Also if she is abusive whether physically or verbally to her siblings she doesn't need to be there anyway. My mother can sometimes be very harsh verbally and she is very controlling, but I would NEVER disrespect her in any fashion I may not always agree with her, but it is a such thing called "respect" and regardless my mother and father clothed, fed, and put a roof over my head when I was younger.There are parents who don't even care about their children, so I realize how fortunate I am, and for that regardless of what she may say to me I am forever grateful to them both. And your daughter needs to realize the same thing too!

Answer 3

First, I know EXACTLY what you are going through!!! A few weeks ago, I posted a similar question, as I have a 16 year old son that is verbally abusive to me and his siblings, and all I got was chiding..."Well you should have disciplined him from the start... (Of course I did)... You were TOTALLY right to ask her to move out!! She is an adult now, and she must fly on her own. It is tough love, but she cannot negatively influence your home anymore. Yes, you still love her, but do not let her use you anymore. Be there for her, but no more money or anything. There is nothing that hurts more than a child saying that she hopes you will die, it cuts so badly....!!!! My thoughts are with you and your daughter. You may want to seek counseling, too. Hang in there, and raise your other two girls!

Answer 4

You were absolutely right to make her move out!!! Follow your instincts and don't second guess yourself. At this point it's your job to protect the younger kids. Also, if she can't show respect to you, you shouldn't be supporting her. When she calls for help gently let her know that you'd love to help her, but you're unable to do so as long as she is disrespectful. If you helped her, that is called enabling.

Really, it's time for her to stop throwing temper tantrums and grow up. If she "doesn't need" you then why is she calling asking for help. Remember, it's called "tough love." Her saying that she "wishes you'd have a heart attack and die" is an attempt at manipulating you into feeling guilty for not doing what she wants you to do.

It must be VERY tough for YOU right now. No one ever wants the relationship with their kids to be like this. She needs to learn some responsibility and respect and as long as she's being enabled, this won't happen. She'll recognize later in her life what a favor you've done for her.

Hang tough in there. Good luck!

Answer 5

At 19 she is an adult. She needs to be respectful and obey your house rules, or move out. You have 2 other kids in your home. Do you want them to get the message that it is ok to abuse Mom? NO! You did the right thing telling her to move out because of her behavior.

Should you come to her aid? If she is in danger, yes. If she needs a few bucks for milk and bread? No, tell her to go to the food bank, or be respectful and come to your house for dinner. Do not give her money to spend on anything because she can tell you it's for one thing and then spend it on anything.

As far as her being abusive when you won't do what she wants... She does that because it gets a reaction. It is emotional abuse.
When she does this, tell her that you know she says those things because she knows it will hurt your feelings but it isn't healthy for either of you. Tell her that if she really believes them, you are sorry that she feels that way but you are sure she would not want help from someone she hates so much. And then tell her you have to go now and take care of the younger ones (or take care of whatever). Get some counseling - it can help you get through these feelings and recognize things for what they are.

Do not allow her to abuse either of the younger children. That includes letting them witness you being abused. Tell her until she straightens up, she needs to see them only when you are there to be sure she is not being abusive. Tell the younger ones it is so that you can watch out for them. They may have a hard time understanding, but you have to take care of them. Good luck. Your oldest may eventually say she is sorry for being such a brat.

Answer 6

I sounds like your daughter needs the tough love that you are already giving to her by making her move out. Don't let her manipulate you by trying to lay a guilt trip on you, and no, I don't think you should bail her out of every difficulty that she gets herself into.

When she tells you that you are a "terrible mother" tell her, "You know what? You're right. I was a terrible mother, other wise I would have raised you to be more respectful and responsible. But it's never too late to do the right thing and that's what I'm doing now."

Answer 7

I made my 19 yr old daughter move out 2 months ago with her 2 yr old son. When they start sassing you and disrespecting you it's time to go. Now don't get me wrong I love her and all and what I do for her I only do because she has a son and I am looking out for him.Don't put up with it from her and definitely not the abuse to you or your other children.Sooner or later she is going to possibly hurt someone then what? She'll get what is coming to her, her days are numbered according to the the bible by disrespecting you in the manner she does.Pray for her and may God hear your prayers.

Answer 8

i am 24 yrs old and i some what went through that with my mom. only thing is i was 15 yrs old i wasnt verbally abusive but i didnt do what she would say. well she actually moved out of the state and left me. i lived on my own and to this day i am a strong person. i dont think that she was wrong for what she did other than skippin state but i do know that without her to always lean on and pick me up i grew mentally and the only way your daughter is going to grow is if you set her free and let her learn "life" she will love you more later. when she has kids she will regret what she did.
i didnt know how important my parents were until i became one. one day she will really need you. i would just step out of the way unless its life threatning

Answer 9

You have every right to make your daughter move out. She is nineteen, and let her know what the world holds before her. You can't come and run to her, every time she becks and call. She going to have to learn. How to handle and do things herself.
If you keep doing it for her. She will never learn nothing.
To you she be your little girl at heart. But thru your eyes, she is now a woman. Grown woman that is.
I dunno if she got her own place. Or she is living with someone else. But if she living alone or with roommates she knows. She need to get a job to paid the bills. You are not her bank account anymore. You can't dish out money like an ATM machine.
You are the parent not the child. You raise your kids. Don't let your kids raise you.

Answer 10

No, no, and no.

There is only one thing your daughter is right about,
That is that you are a terrible mother.
Don't cover it up anymore -- She's 19-years old tell her to make her own way. Stop spoiling and catering to her.

Challenge/make her join the service -- if she comes back home make the route through the recruiters office the only route to food and shelter. They will give her the parenting she needs and she can perform a valuable service for her nation at the same time.