2006-07-09 11:52:03 · 14 answers · asked by tanjaneeka 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
*WARNING - AMERICANS WILL NOT GET THIS JOKE SO TOUGH SH!T !!!!*
Sadam Husain is found guilty of war-crimes in Iraq & is sentenced to death by firing squad.
When asked his last request, he asks if Lampard & Gerrard can shot him from 12 yards!!!!!!!
2006-07-09 12:08:14 · answer #1 · answered by jack 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Q: Why Is Santa's Sack So Full?
A: Beause He Only ***'s Once A Year!
Sorry but that's the only joke i know and can remember
2006-07-09 19:00:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
New Rules In Hell
A man dies and goes to Hell, where he is greeted by the Devil.
The man looks around and sees no fire or people being tortured, nothing uncomfortable, and asks, "where is all the horrible things that Hell has to offer me? I might as well get started now".
The Devil says, " Things have changed down here".
He asks the man, "Do you like to drink alcohol?"
"Oh, Yes!" replied the man, with a big smile.
"Well you are in luck", Says the Devil, "because on Mondays there is drinking all day, anything that you want"
"Wow, that's sounds great", the man says.
"How about sex? Do you like sex?" the Devil asks.
The man replys, "Love sex, just never could get enough".
The Devil replys, "Well we will take care of that little problem, we have sex all day on Tuesday".
The smile continues to grow wider on the mans face.
He is then asked if he had any homosexual tendancies.
"Absolutely not!", he says emphatically, "I can't stand queers!"
The Devil smiles at him and says, "You are really going to hate Wednesdays then."
2006-07-10 04:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
little boy is trick or treating... dressed up as a pirate. When he knocks on this ladies door she oohhs and ahhhs over him and says. Where are your buckaneers?.... He says "under my bucking hat"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
do you know what they call a woman with pms and esp? A
bi tch that knows everything.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2 little boys decide one morning that they are old enough to cuss. The oldest says ok I am going to say hell... you say ***. Then
go down to breakfast and the mama asked what they want to eat.
the oldest says "hell i think i'll have some cheerios. Mom grabs him by the ear, drags him to his room and tells him not to come out. she then asked the little one what he wants. he says " well you can bet your *** I don't want any cheerios"
2006-07-09 21:34:51 · answer #4 · answered by Chris M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone's amazement, all of the colour ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering.
Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?
2006-07-09 19:48:11 · answer #5 · answered by old_but_still_a_child 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your **** dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
2006-07-09 22:03:55 · answer #6 · answered by dreamerr<3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! "
Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test!
Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K."
Yo momma so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ole *** over!
Yo momma so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo momma so old shes blind from the big bang.
Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!
Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Moving."
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, I can't believe its not butter.
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, she spits butter!
Yo Momma so short that she has to hold up a sign that says, "Dont Spit! I Cant Swim!"
2006-07-10 13:20:57 · answer #7 · answered by ♥āngelic♥děmon♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the plane land on the house?
Because the the landing lights were on.
2006-07-09 20:36:13 · answer #8 · answered by kano7_1985 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is always in the middle of nowhere?
The letter "H".
EXTRA CREDIT:
How do you fix a broken tomato?
Tomato paste.
2006-07-09 19:31:57 · answer #9 · answered by Jenny A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jesus is being crucified when he calls down the hill to his disciple Peter, "Peter, come here, there's something I need to tell you."
Peter begins to go to him when the guards stop him. They tell him he can't go up the hill.
Jesus calls down again, slightly weaker, "Peter, please, come to me. There is something you must know."
Peter again tries to climb the hill but to his dismay is again pushed back by the guards.
Jesus pleads again, "Peter, my time is short, you must come here so I can share this with you!"
Peter feels the urgency and fights his way through the guards and up to the cross. He looks up at his teacher, "Yes, Jesus, what is it you need to tell me?"
Jesus looks down at Peter, "Peter.......Peter..... I can see your house from here...."
2006-07-09 19:02:47 · answer #10 · answered by Elijah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what do you get when you mix m n' m's with a rooster?
a C@ock that will melt in your mouth and not in your hands
2006-07-09 19:38:28 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋