Should a 26-year-old son pay room and board while living with his parents?

Question

Our son is balking at paying a modest monthly stipend ($160 a month for room, board and cell phone) to my wife and I. He's working and quite comfortable. Are we too demanding?

Answer 1

Yes, otherwise he might feel indebted to you emotionally and/or financially. It sets up proper boundaries, preventing either him or yourself from taking advantage. For example, a free ride won't help him appreciate what it takes to survive. Also, parents can't hold non-payment over him as a means to manipulate him (not that you would, but people do-- to control their kids). It's healthy to expect him to pay, and prevents guilt and vengeful feelings.

Answer 2

No, not demanding enough. I turn 21 in a week and I've been paying rent since I was in high school. I paid $50 throughout my junior and senior years of high school, $100 once I got done with high school and now $250 for the last year since I got a decent job working 40hr weeks. I also pay for anything I need like food, hygeine products, cell phone, internet, ect. It kind of sucks but the way I see it, once I move out and get an apartment or something I'll only have to pay $200-$300 more a month to be on my own. If I had kids, there's no way I'd let them live with me until 26. I didn't even expect to be able to live at home this long.

Answer 3

Not at all! He's far too old to be living at home unless he's got some kind of disability. If he's got a job and is making money, he either pays or goes. And he should be using his own cellphone account. I'd cut that off immediately so he can feel the pressure. You love him, yeah, but eventually it's time to leave the nest.

At the very least, remind him he could pay you guys $160 -- a pittance! -- or be paying $500+ for rent, plus all of his food, utilities, phone, etc. on his own. If he's unwilling to swallow the little pill, stick him with the big one.

Answer 4

It sounds as if you and your wife are being very generous towards your son, who sounds a little spoiled and self-seeking. He should ask himself, where else could he find a deal like that for a mere $160/mo. He is a grown man who must take responsibility for himself. You are not his keeper or legal guardian and haven't been for a long time. My dad requested room and board (small amount) the day I (and my other siblings) turned 18 years old. I remember being upset about that at the time, however, I realize the lesson is that nothing is free in this world and you have to learn to take care of yourself. I hope you and your wife stand your ground.

Answer 5

No you're not to demanding. He's getting off easy. I am also 26, I've lived on my own since I was 18, and I had a young child to take care of. Tell him to try it on his own once, his rent alone would be a heck of a lot more than $160, not to mention all of the other bills you have to pay. I say tough love- make him do it on his own.

Answer 6

No, I think he is paying too little. It sounds to me that maybe you're are still cuddling him. Firmly tell him to stop balking and pay the rent or you will cut off the phone and he has to find another place to live. Remember that if you say this you will have to stand your ground because if you show that you're wishy-washy your son will know he can manipulate you by pouting/balking/crying, etc. Your son is 26 aka... a grown man.

Answer 7

No you aren't. This is the way it works in Italy. They stay with their parents and they pay towards the expenses, personally i think he's paying peanuts but it depends on what he's earning.
It isn't unusual for them to give ALL the money in and then they can ask for what they need, eg: petrol money and pocket money.
This goes on until they develope some brains eg: 21 year old then they pay only HALF the wage. But I understand that in Mc Donalds country it's a different story so it's up to you. Good luck.

Answer 8

Enabling a 26 year to stay at home for free is like a pregnant woman trying to keep her baby in the womb beyond the nine months. It's not healthy for the parent, and it's not healthy for the baby. It will be hard, but you need to encourage him to move out and develope a life of his own. Living at home is not conducive to independence, rather, it keeps him dependent upon you, and therefore not responsible (irresponsible) for his own well-being.
You and your wife need to be united in this effort.
You can start by requiring the room & board, PLUS he pays for his own cell phone. (If you want to stay with a family plan on your cell, require him pay his portion.)
He's old enough to have his own home, yet he's still running yours.
Time to motivate him to maturity.

Answer 9

Hardly. If he is not a student, you are not giving him any reason to ever move out on his own. Raise his rent to $500.00 a month, this still is cheaper then his own apartment, plus he has no utility bills. If your still doing his laundry, preparing meals ect, that should all stop, or the rent should reflect the additional services. He may get mad, but if he moves out, he will come to appericate the independence and become more mature and responsible. If you feel bad, you could always bank the money, then give it to him when he leaves as a "nest egg" to fall back on.

Answer 10

$160 is low but fair, but you shouldn't include the cell phone. Make him pay for his own. My 26 yo pays $50 a week and helps with food and pays for my cell phone on a family plan

Answer 11

No you are not, it would cost him a lot more if he lived by himself, like in an apartment or rented a house. He should pay you, it cost you money for him to be there. He is 26 and should learn to have a responsibility. If he don't want to pay and help out then it is time for him to find another place to live.