I`ve been in a happy relationship for 3 years now. We are both 22 and I love my man to bits but I feel very frustrated that he refuses to get engaged yet. He says he will when the time is right and we are both ready, and the last thing i want to do is put pressure on him and make him leave. I`m just so keen on it. I guess it would just make me feel a little more secure. I cant take my mind off it. Please give me some suggestions or advice.
2006-07-09 10:26:22 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
hi there i think you should wait for him to be sure or would you rather he marry you just to please you. he sounds sensible just enjoy the relationship as it is. what you should ask yourself is why you feel the need to get engaged to make yourself feel secure?
2006-07-09 10:33:56 · answer #1 · answered by seti 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been with my sweet, perfect, wonderful man for four years. We've travelled Europe together, and will soon be setting off into the US in our RV. We go kayaking, travel, and cuddle every night.
We have NO intention of getting married. It's a waste of time, money and everyone's efforts. We know our relationship is great, and thats all that matters. Why change the status of a wonderful relationship?
Most people think marriage is a given, so perhaps he's waiting until he can afford a ring, or is financially stable enough you guys can start a family. The less you fret about it, the healthier your relationship will be.
If you're already living together, what difference does marriage make? Especailly nowadays when it's only got a 50-50 chance.
YOU could always go out and buy the rings, arrange the perfect place and propose. This day & age, it's not all on the guy.
2006-07-09 10:34:32 · answer #2 · answered by Roadpizza 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darling trust me marriage will not secure a relationship. If you want security, there are other ways to achieve it. Listen to what he is saying, he isn't saying no, he is asking you to wait until the time is right. If you persist on this u will lose him. He will go completely off the idea and that will compromise everything you both have worked hard for to build your relationship.
Keen on the idea thats fine but i think its more than that. You want this marriage thing more than he does. Anyway whats the rush? 22 years old you are both still young so why not just enjoy each other? Marriage should be the very last promise you make to each other and it shouldn't be taken lightly.
Its not just about the lovely dress the guests the ceremony, it's about making that promise to him for the rest of your days, to grow old together.
Surely it's well worth the wait isn't it?
2006-07-09 18:28:11 · answer #3 · answered by Scatty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What exactly is this "right time" he's waiting for? Is it something specific like finishing college or saving enough for a down payment on a house? If there is some definite goal or timetable here, then consider yourself "engaged to be engaged" and be patient for a few years.
On the other hand, if he doesn't really know what the right time is going to be, then he's happy with things just the way they are and doesn't want to make any changes. Tell him that "the time is right" is for YOU to start planning YOUR future, and if he can't commit to being a part of it, then it's not fair for him to expect you not to see other men.
Of course, if you change things, he may end the relationship. As I said, he likes it just the way it is and will not be happy about changes. But he's never going to change as long as keeping things just the way they are is an option.
2006-07-09 11:57:06 · answer #4 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
22 is so young, I would not stress about it. getting married is just about one day, and signing paper work. Marriage is a whole different story, it is hard work and not all romance, hearts and flowers. He hasn't said he will never want to get married, just that the time is not right just now, respect how he feels and don't pressure, him, the more you do that the more he will back off and you could risk losing him. Relax, enjoy your relationship, continue to grow together and wait and see what the future brings. I understand that every girl dreams of her wedding day, and yours will happen at some point in the future, be patient. If you really want to marry and he doesn't, perhaps you need to think about a future without him and look for someone who wants to marry much sooner.
2006-07-09 22:31:06 · answer #5 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men take far longer to grow up and settle down than women. This could be one of the reasons why you are ready to get engaged and he isnt. I found myself in the same situation 4 years ago where I was dating someone of the same age and I was ready for commitment and he just wasnt. Needless to say I grew tired of waiting and eventually felt he was wasting my time. We broke up. Its weird how it all worked out because I realised that I didnt love him but wanted some security because we had being seeing each other for a few years. Bottom line= you are too young to be making a life-long commitment at 22! theres plenty of time. and if you are truly in love - your love will stand the test of time- that should give u security! good luck :)
2006-07-09 11:56:09 · answer #6 · answered by Rain-queen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are STILL YOUNG, but I can relate. I have been with my fiance since we were 19 years old (8 years!!!)...it took him 7 years to finally propose!!!!! It might freak him out if you put the pressure on him. If you love him, you will wait until he is ready. I'm sure he would respect you in that way as well. When I finally smartened up and stopped talking about it, he popped the question :) Good luck and just RELAX...if you were meant to be together it will happen at the right time.
2006-07-09 17:29:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When will women understand. A man won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. If getting engaged was in his plans you would know about it. I'm not saying leave you man honey but you need to decide if you are the girlfriend type or the wife type. I you are the girlfriend type this is about as far as you are going to go so don't worry about it. Relax and enjoy the ride for as long as it last. If you are the wife type than don't stick around be treated like a girlfriend type. I did say stop seeing him, but cut off the milk faucet. Move out if you live together, and treat your self with the respect you are demanding from him.
2006-07-09 10:40:33 · answer #8 · answered by Deborah M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can tell him that if, God forbid, he or you get into an accident, the hospital emergency room can prevent the other in since you're not related.
After 3 years, he should be ready to make the committment. I hate to say "play games," but it might work. Do you live together? I wouldn't live with someone more than 6 months without a definitely marriage committment. I made the mistake to doing that for 8 years a while back.
Go to a florist and buy yourself a bouquette, add a note that says, "thanks for being you". It might get him jealous.
2006-07-09 10:37:55 · answer #9 · answered by CheriDonna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. 3 years is borderline that maybe he might not ever be ready. But 22 is very young for a guy to think about marriage. Women are thinking about it since we are little girls though, that is the trouble. If you love him stick by him. I would not wait longer than one more year though and if he still is stringing you along then you may have to consider parting ways.
2006-07-09 11:39:59 · answer #10 · answered by americandream1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to back off before you lose him, would you really only want him to propose just cos you are ready? if you are in such a happy relationship as you claim, why do you feel the need to marry? he has told you he isn't ready. at the end of the day it is only really a piece of paper, being married does not offer long term commitment, it doesn't mean it is any more difficult for you or your partner to leave.
and did you know that approx 50% of marriages end in divorce?
2006-07-09 10:40:20 · answer #11 · answered by Foxy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋