Why do women still change their last names?

Question

I am so confused why my boyfriend gets so upset when I tell him I don't think I would want to change my last name if we got married. Other than being the "norm" it seems so silly. It's my name! It's who I am. I played sports in college and high school and people called me by my last name more than by my first. How can I help us to get through this? He thinks it's a rejection of a "gift" he's giving me, but I see it as giving up a part of me. I want to be equal and not feel pressured into doing something because it's just what people have been doing for ages.

Answer 1

I feel if you don't want to do it you shouldn't. As long as you have considered and accepted the few inconveniences it will create in our society. As far as he's giving you something and you should want to become one with him, blah blah blah. Why shoulding he want to become one with you and give up his name? No different. Personally I am on my way to becoming a biochemist and with a publication already on its way under my maiden name when the time comes to get married, I do not think I would want to change my name. I want everyone in the scientific community to know all the papers I have contributed to and I have worked very hard to obtain that data and I want credit for it.

If you feel strongly about it and are willing to work around the children and giving them a last name confusion (if you planned on having children) and such, stick with your last name. If your boyfriend can't talk about this and negotiate with you I would not marry him. Marriage I believe is about negotiation and not always getting what you want. If both parties can't work through it then it probably wouldn't work out anyway. If it wasn't this issue that broke you up, it would be another.

Answer 2

You know what I have to say that I agree with a lot of people on here. Why waste the money on a wedding. The only way people usually do not change their names is if they have legitimate careers. Actors and Actress' do change their last names but they still use their old names for business purposes. Lawyers and Doctors that have already started their business' usually don't change their last names but that is because they already have repore on their maiden names. If this was your reason I would understand, but you do get married and become one. What are you going to do when you have children??? Think about that one. Don't you want your whole family to have the same name?

Answer 3

You don't have to change your name; in fact, many women now keep their name when they get married. But, there's a reason why many women choose to take their husband's name, to hyphenate their names, or to pick a different name altogether. Things are just easier if couples are known socially by the same last name. And many teachers report that children have an easier time if everyone in their family has the same last name.

You could keep your last name for business reasons and use your husband's last name socially. Or hyphenate the names to give equal importance to both.

But your boyfriend's traditional view of names may indicate that he also has traditional views on the roles of husband and wife. That's the question I'd really explore with him, especially if you expect to have a career of your own after marriage.

Answer 4

A lot of women still take their husband's last name because it's expected of them. Some do so because they say it's an honor to, even though they're giving into tradition and don't realize it (because saying/receiving vows is already an honor, right?). People are afraid to buck the system and look different. Whatever. I also think that since our society still places men in authority positions over women (yes, it's very subtle), men would be mortified at the idea of changing THEIR name to that of their wives. Think about it. Changing the name you've had your whole life is big deal; it's like throwing away a piece of you that some people will never know about. But since women historically submit to men, we continue to do it, in the form of name changing traditions, and men would NEVER "bow" down to such a thing, unless they want to look submissive. So much bullcrap.

Answer 5

I know what you mean. I just got married a month ago and I haven't changed my name yet. I thought he didn't care, but the he made some comments recently, so I think he actually does care about it. But, relationships are about compromise. So, if you do get married and it bothers your husband, you should think about doing it or putting a hyphen and using both last names. It can be a blow to a man's ego, so I'm going to do it, I'm just taking my time. I believe it's part of the package when you get married. And you don't want to start a marriage out with your husband having hurt feelings.

Answer 6

Keeping your last name is very understandable, lots of women are keeping their names now a days. It is a tradition to change your last name and some women still like to keep the tradition up. I am getting married in June and my feiance asked me if I wanted to change my name or not, well I had to consider this carefully because my new name will be Holly Hedges (and I am not kidding). After long thought I remembered how much my last name had caused me much greef and how much misfortune it has caused me in my community, so changing my last name when I get married is going to be a good thing for me. Remember it is all up to the woman, if she doesnt want to change it she doesnt have to.

Answer 7

Tradition is the reason why, I guess. Marriage is not like it was years ago when you were your father's possession....and he 'gave you away.' I took my husbands last name. I wanted us to be a family of 'surname'. Our son has his last name, so why shouldn't I? I guess if you are a doctor or celebrity or professional, you'll probably want to keep your last name for that reason. I know people who hyphened their names, and not just the woman....but both the man and woman shared last names, example(not real), but angelina jolie-pitt and brad jolie-pitt.
I think it's silly, personally. Keep your last name if you feel so strongly about it, but by taking your husbands last name you are not losing your identity. You'll still be you...

Answer 8

Its not only that honey...its about becoming ONE.....when you get married, you are no longer a *couple* per say, you are each one half of a unit....and by taking on his family name you are showing that you truly want to be one with your husband. Not only that but when you become married, you don't give yourself up..you accent it with your mate...

Plus..ever think of the confusion that will come when you have children? Are you going to strap then with a hyphenated last name? Or will you allow them to blend in with their peers with only one last name? And if that is a different last name than yours, won't that be awkward when you call the school....because you won't be able to identify yourself as *Mrs. Smith*, because you never took his name, you will be *Ms Jones, calling for the Smith children*...I mean...c'mon. Is being that self inverted really worth it all? And, too, I think if you are that concerned with keeping your own last name, then why bother getting married? You don't really want to join each other as one?

Answer 9

I know the law says, that if you get married, you have the options on what to do with your last name: you can maintain your maiden name especially when you are known for that name; you can use your husband's surname or you can add a hypen after your maiden name..(maiden name-married name). Just make a choice which would make you comfortable and make your partner understand that too.

Answer 10

You have every right to keep your name. But I don't believe your name is who you are. You'd still be you by any other name. I'm taking my fiance's name because I dislike my maiden name and I want everyone to know I'm his wife. But, just because its Smith instead of Jones doesn't mean you aren't who you were before you were married.