What can you do to stop despising someone?

Question

there is someone in my life that I mortally DESPISE. I have tried to get along with this person for the sake of my spouse, but it ain't workin. I try to stay away from this person as well, but there are circumstances that I cannot avoid being in contact with this person. HELP BEFORE I GO POSTAL PLEASE!!!

unfortunately, it isn't just anger. Anger I get over very quickly, and usually very easily. I am trying not to dwell on this person, but my spouse is in the hospital and I wouldn't be surprised to see this person breeze in just to say that my spouse is once more jealous of her good health and money, and went into the hospital just to get attention...thats the kinda crap that is leading me to feel the way I do.

Answer 1

All you can do is pray for acceptance, forgiveness and peace. It will help, I promise. It might not be overnight, and it will take more than one prayer, but the more you ask God to take away the anger and replace it with love...and put him in the drivers seat, (Let go and let God), your hatred will fade, and will be replaced with tolerance.

Answer 2

tell your spouse honestly how you feel about this person. IF you cant then there is something wrong. Get this person out of your life immediately and ask your spouse for support, if it is someone your spouse is close to, then I'm sure your spouse can find time to spend with this person away from you where you wont be bothered. The other option is just to confront this person with why you cant stand them and try to resolve the issues face to face.

Answer 3

Despising this person does nothing to them, it only tears you up inside. Why do you hate this person so much? I don't know the situation, but I do know that there are ususally 2 sides to every story. Are you 100% positive that you have done absolutely nothing in word or actions to contribute to the hostility? If you can honestly say that you haven't, then just try to remember that they are a miniscule part of your life; don't let them become more than that by letting them control you by your hatred of them. You can't control how people act, you can only control how you respond. Be the bigger person. Now, if you can think of a thing or two that you have said or done, rectify those things and let the healing begin.

Answer 4

Looks like this is not so much "despising someone" as it is being angry with that person. Try to find out what it is about this person or his behavior that causes the anger. Once you get a handle on that, you have something to work with. Anger at a person tends to bind one to that person. So when you find out what it is that angers you, then you can anticipate the behavior, and practice not getting angry, sort of like looking at behavior X as if it were a bad haircut or poor choice of clothes or something and not get angry [because you know in advance that it is going to occur and that it usually makes you angry, but now that you know, you don't have to react with anger].

Answer 5

Get your husband to provide a united front with you whenever you have to be near this person. Hopefully, you are more important to your husband than this other person.

It sounds like you have tried to warm relations with them, to no avail. If someone is hateful to you, you can guarantee that you are not the only victim of their venom.

Of course, there's always a chance you'll move away to another part of the country, limiting how often you'll have to see them.

Alternatively, all the bad karma they've created will come home to roost, and they'll get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Answer 6

why lower yourself to their standards? they know you despise them and probably enjoy seeing you squirm.... hold your head up and smile be as nice to them as possible, they will eventually go away. Some people hang around because they know it is making another person miserable.

Not sure what your circumstances are but sounds like a friend of a spouse or gf/bf????

Answer 7

Try to forgive that person, and forgive yourself in the process. Even if you or they did nothing wrong! Tell your spouse the situation, that you can't stand this person. Sometimes, you can say something like 'it's either me or them'.. I tried that. Did it work for me? Not at first.. not even second. I honestly know how you feel. For me, I wished this person well, and ask (God) to please, just keep them out of our life!
Good luck to you!

Answer 8

In a mindfulness training, I learned a meditation where you contemplate that individual, and practice compassion for them, and you become mindful of your thoughts about them.I believe this meditation was adapted from the writings of the monk listed below.

My mindfulness training was NOT a religious practice, it was from a Counseling office.

I realize that many Christians do not wish to perform practices from another religious tradition, but this does not require any belief in any Deity. I do not consider myself a Buddhist. I found this helpful in calming myself about a difficult sibling.

Answer 9

I think you should talk to your spouse. Let him know why you despise this person. And dont change only you know why dont you like this person. Be your self and dont try to like this person. Your spouse need to hear this from you and hopefully he loves and understands you. Dont worry too much just talk to your spouse.

Answer 10

You forgive them. To spend so much time despising someone gives them power over you and I'm certain you don't want that. Focus on something or someone else. A positive something or someone. If this person is that awful, why would you want to spend one extra second concentrating on them?