Theres a 101 ways to cook a egg, what are they?

Answer 1

1. Poach in the liquidated ear fluids of a Norwegian tree-squirrel.
2. Fry on top of Max Clifford’s smoldering belly.
3. Slowly simmer beneath a pensioner’s glare.
4. Scramble using a camel’s left nipple.
5. Boil in a jar of Vanessa Feltz’s putrefied blubber.
6. Melt between the thighs of a Tasmanian lap-dancer.
7. Bake by attaching the egg to a long strip of copper and then lowered into a witches oven.
8. Marinate in vodka.
9. Just eat raw.
10. Mix egg into a ratatouie and then spoil it by adding some parsley.
11. Warm by candle-light in a biscuit tin.
12. Transform as if by magic under the careful guidance of The Great Suprendo.
13. Semi-parch in a vial of worm medicine.
14. Par-boil in a tureen of Geoff Capes’ armpit dribble.
15. Sponge-wrap and deliver to Hell to be poked by demons with pokey-sticks.
16. Flash-fry, cover in a thin layer of termite-honey, leave for five minutes to settle in an oven at gas mark five, and then torch for two hours at the speed of sound.
17. Blast with a nuclear emission pipe.
18. Sautée in the leftovers of a Roman banquet.
19. Leave to curdle beside a mangrove swamp.
20. Get a nearby crowd to give it supportive encouragement.
21. Lightly fondle with 12 bishops.
22. Baste with lard, then deposit upon the flippers of an Emperor Penguin.
23. Put in the microwave for five minutes (not advisable).
24. Slip under Neil Morrissey's pillow while he isn't looking. Leave there for 15 hours. Take out and rinse with a spatula.
25. Blanch it like there is no tomorrow.
26. Read it a steamy novel.
27. Harness a hairdrier's heat-exuding properties in the egg's general direction.
28. Feed to the bears in a picnic basket.
29. Combine it with lego and abusive grafitti to win the Turner Prize.
30. Insert into the crevice above Gary Bushell's eyebrows (or alteratively, up Gary Bushell's crevice).
31. Mix with Fatboy Slimfast and phlegm.
32. Do the yolky-kokey.
33. Stir into a Madonna video. Leave to settle, then add mince.
34. Make sure it is rid of all disease, such as ecoli, salmonella, and dropsy, and then get two soap opera stars to alternately gargle with it, eventually choking them both to death, with any luck.
35. Cook in volcanic spume. Serve with lightly buttered bread.
36. Send to the Duchess of Malfi via ParcelPost.
37. Do you really not know how to cook an egg?
38. Get some handy Boy Scouts on Bob-a-Job week to do it for you.
39. Practise voodoo, and Baron Saturday will do the rest.
40. Ask it politely.
41. Taunt it with scathing vitriol.
42. Dunk in a deep fat frier. Add wine and beef. Serve.
43. Give it a cold shower.
44. For egg, read masturbation.
45. Measure the egg. If it is larger than 5 inches in length, it is probably a football, and you have been misled.
46. Tell everyone you're having a party. Someone is bound to bring cooked eggs.
47. Steal from a giant's dinner table.
48. Break in two. Discard the smaller part, and with the larger part fashion a snazzy new hat. Who needs food when you can look cool?
49. Climb inside and pretend to be one of those baby dinosaurs from Jurrassic Park.
50. Use as a spaceship, as Mork from the Planet Ork once did.
51. Sing it rousing sea shanties. That ought to do the trick.
52. Hmm, is that the time? I really should be getting to work.
53. Roll gently between two Dutchmen.
54. Prod with a skillet until thoroughly wound up.
55. Get David Hasselhoff to give it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
56. Simmer, then devour whole, like the snake that you are.
57. Give peace a chance.
58. Soak in vinegar, waft with Oriental oils, drench in dandelion and burdock, then cast into the wind.
59. Pour into the dreadlocks of a whistling dixie.
60. Dispatch to the Outer Hebrides, then retrieve within 7 days or it will be adopted by the locals.
61. Dress it in a wooly jumper and pretend it is your best friend Keith.
62. Intoxicate with a heady mix of hamster fur and pungent bovine crackling.
63. Toss in a light creme whip.
64. Smash it to bits with a sledgehammer.
65. Fold it in three, half it, double what you have, and anything left is a bonus.
66. Travel for sixty days and sixty nights until you reach a small carpet cleaning firm. Ask for Reg. The rest is up to you and the Big Man.
67. Grill it beneath a gigantic magnifying lens, as if it were ants.
68. Spice with an eel's tongue.
69. Curry with the pants of a trogladite.
70. Nestle between a rock and a hard place (for example, Brixton).
71. Send to Venus, where the temperature is very hot indeed. Bring back after 4 minutes, unless you want the yolk to go hard.
72. Keep tucked in the fleshy cavity inside your own cheeks, like what hamsters do.
73. Drink it with a kia-ora (but don't give this one to crows, it's just for me and my dog).
74. Juggle it until frothy.
75. Seduce it with sexy talk and get it into bed.
76. Give it the Nazi spy treatment.
77. Tell it that it should be ashamed of itself.
78. Leave it in the fridge for 2 months, then remember about it when you come back from holidays. It should by this time be exuding a pongy whiff, so you can now use it to pelt hooligans with.
79. Give it to rabbits at Easter.
80. Roll it down a hill. By the time it reaches the bottom, it should be ready to eat.
81. Use Jimmy Hill's chin as a pan, mix it with turps, and voila, a cooked egg.
82. Shove it up your jumper (then you will be the Egg Man).
83. Kneel respectfully beside it and recite Buddhist mantras in its general direction.
84. Give it a good seeing to.
85. Tell it to buck its ideas up.
86. Exchange it with a family of travelling Kangaroos for chocolate. Chocolate requires less effort to prepare, and can even be taken orally.
87. Roast it over the embers of a partially incinerated prosthetic leg belonging to Ronnie Wood’s hairdresser.
88. Leave to gestate in an ante-chamber where ninja monks will supply it with all the care and attention that it needs.
89. Bury beneath the Shrine of the Purple Sloth.
90. Lend to Craig Charles as a favour, so that in turn you can have a go at controlling Sir Killalot. Make sure that you don't lose control of the robot that then goes on a mad cyborg frenzy, like in Westworld.
91. Hurl into a distant rock pool, thus allowing it to play unaccompanied with the crabs.
92. Exile to the Pit of Relentless Tripe.
93. LEAVE MY EGGS ALONE!!!
94. Glue to the hooves of a Bantha.
95. Attach to a steeplejack's helmet to protect them from falling rusks.
96. Catapult into the upper atmosphere, where it will encounter Russ Abbot's Lunar Disco and live forever in Eggri-la.
97. Paint green and use as a pacifist hand grenade in trench warfare.
98. Pop in the oven for 5 minutes, varnish, and use as a conker supreme.
99. Ask lots of deep and personal questions as it reclines on a couch, then you can claim to be Eggmund Freud the Egg-Head.
100. Saturate of all nutrients, then leave it bob-bob-bobbing along at the bottom of the beatiful, briny sea.
101. Subject to abject hatred.
102. Blanch in a small hippo.
103. Tether to a yacht, throw overboard and let fish nibble it for two days. Remove and wax.
104. Fling at passing elves. Their magic auras should cook it to perfection.
105. Fasten to WAP phone.
106. Sprinkle with kerosene and ignite. Stand well back.
107. Insert anally. (And then later watch it pop out like a cannon!)
108. Crack onto the caterpillar-wheel rim of a Gulf War tank.
109. Send it down to do six to ten in the pen.
110. Argue with it about the paradox of the Self.
111. Load into a torpedo hold and FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
112. Protect it with maternal pride.
113. Blend it into a fine powder, then snort it.
114. Take it to a local garage. The attendant will say "Oooh, ah, well, I don't know what we're gonna do with this one, mate". Leave. Return in 14 days, the egg will have a piece missing.
115. Blu-tac to a blue cat.
116. Rinse in ex-lax then swallow.
117. Thrash with Mark Morrison's mini-scooter.
118. Spin, baby, spin.
119. Fellate until piping hot.
120. Wrap with maggots, worms, centipedes and ants. Let wriggle for twenty minutes, then serve with ketchup.
121. Smash with a rolling pin until very flat indeed.
122. Add to a salad.
123. Give yoga lessons until it becomes one with itself.
124. Clench like a baton. The thermo-nuclear hand-heat should do the business.
125. Submit to 10,000 volts worth of electro-shock therapy.
126. Windle with a Windler(TM).
127. Speculate about the egg's economic prospects.
128. Play it some Katrina and the Waves - that's what I call "Cookin'"!
129. Breath heavily at it down a telephone, then dial 1471.
130. Incubate until it hatches. Tend to chick until it is full grown. Eat (raw).
131. Fashion into a trendy glove-puppet.
132. Prise open with a crow-bar. Pour the contents onto a haddock. Throw haddock into space.
133. Catapult against Supergran's hat.
134. Saw in half. Insert one half into each ear. Wait for thirty years. Remove and nosh away!
135. Set up camp outside Roman city. Send wooden horse to infiltrate. Jump out of wooden horse whilst the egg is unawares.
136. Use psycho-kinesis!
137. Mash.
138. Send asunder as so many eggs have gone before.
139. Read it Dostoyevsky's Crime & Punishment.
140. Peel it and pop it in your gob.
141. Submit to the smouldering gaze of the Basilisk.
142. Volley over Mount Vesuvius.
143. Use as a stage prop in As You Like It.
144. Transport to Alaska. Bury under the permafrost. Dig up. Egg-ice pops!
145. Get someone else to cook it for you.
146. Ask The Incredible Hulk if he wouldn't mind using his gamma radiation to cook the egg.
147. Or maybe George Clooney could make the effort for once, the lazy slob!
148. Exile to Button Moon, where it will befriend Egbert.
149. Rattle down a trough.
150. Prance around wildly until it cracks.
151. Take to The Ghetto and use to ween teenagers off playing badminton (and other raquet-based sports).
152. Soak in brine.
153. Press in an egg-pressing book and become an egg collector!
154. Return to duck.
155. Cover it in crazy paving.
156. Spread it straight from the fridge.
157. Change it's name via deedpool to Senior Harangamous.
158. Elect as President of the USA.
159. Deport to France.
160. Send back in time using H G Wells' Delorian.
161. Squirt mango juice at it until damp.
162. Feed to the bears.
163. Using a grater, grate to a fine paste. Stir and down in one.
164. Nibble with a plate of marshmallows - delicious!
165. Dress it in a kilt - voila! Scotch egg! (Don't forget the sporran, the consequences could be embarrassing for everyone!)
166. Dissect with a scalpel as if it were an alien autopsy.
167. Graft an ear onto it.
168. Paint in attractive colours.
169. Use as a door-stop.
170. Wait until the egg is all mouldy, then give to your best friend as a prank.
171. Take it to the bridge.
172. Privatise and watch as it sinks slowly into disrepair.
173. Hail as the New Messiah!
174. Draw on Groucho Marx tash and use to tell jokes at a dingy stand-up venue.
175. Crawl behind enemy lines. Rescue the hostage eggs. Return to base camp. Boil eggs in a big cauldron.
176. Baste with Weet-a-bix. Wrap in tin-foil. Consume!
177. Have a blazing row, then say you are sorry and that it is all your fault.
178. Expand and contract.
179. Mesmerise with tales of astounding derring-do.
180. Push off a cliff in a bath of asses milk.
181. Leave to rot in hell.
182. Screw to a plank of bolsa wood. Throw plank onto bed of nails. If it sticks, it's ready.
183. Participate in a Yankee hoe-down.
184. Dress up like Florence Nightingale and send to administer first aid at footy matches.
185. Brush with lint, then magnify.
186. Bend it, shake it, any way you want it.
187. Dust for fingerprints.
188. Engage in hand-to-hand combat.
189. Leave in subdued lighting. Linger on the periphery to achieve a film noir effect.
190. Get entangled in an international spy ring.
191. Optimise it's efficiency by installing Egg Verson 6.2.
192. Attach it to a piece of string and whirl it round your head very fast indeed.
193. Roast with pygmy elephants and a velociraptor.
194. Rest assured, the egg will be cooked.
195. Ask not what your egg can do for you, but what you can do for your egg.
196. Toss.
197. Undulate down a shrimp's back.
198. Place on the mantlepiece for all the world to see.
199. Submerge underwater with the Cutty Sark.
200. Embalm it with magnesium ribbon. Throw into the River Euphrates.
201. Give it the respect it deserves.
202. Chant Sumerian incantations in its general direction.
203. Play it the Hear'Say album.
204. Knock three times on the ceiling and it'll be ready (twice on the pipes, then it will not be ready).
205. Ram down an ostriche's neck (bastard deserved it).
206. Use to tempt bandits out of hiding.
207. Prod vigorously.
208. Dunk conspiratorially in a deep-fat fryer. If anyone should ask, just say you're watering the flowers, alright?
209. Pin to stampeding donkey. The ensuing vibrations should wiggle it enough to render the egg edible.
210. Shake well before opening.
211. Pierce with the Sword of Damocles, then let the yolk form into a gas, which you can inhale.
212. Suck egg until it goes soft. Serve with a garnish of marrows or tulips.
213. Remonstrate with the referee until a decision is made as to whether the egg was over the line or not.
214. Send to Indonesian sweatshop where it should simmer nicely.
215. Give 2 days detention and a sharp rap on the knuckles.
216. Get Nigel Lythgoe to start a massive hype wagon surrounding the egg, so that fame goes to its head and it overheats and manages to fry itself.
217. Ask all the king's soldiers and all the king's men whether they wouldn't mind whipping something up.
218. Donate to the National Trust.
219. Borrow "783 Ways To Cook An Egg" from your local lending library.
220. Who let the eggs out?
221. Place an order in at the Patents Office claiming that you are the inventor of egg-shells. This should enrage the egg so much that it cooks.
222. Once lit, stand well back.
223. Hit with a rhythm stick (whatever one of them is!)
224. Grind into tiny segments. Grind those segments into tinier segments. Send to Japan to be passed off as a rare aphrodisiac.
225. An egg in the bush is worth three in the pan.
226. Get a pre-cooked egg from a Pre-Cooked EggsTM Vending Machine.
227. Steal one from the lord's pantry.
228. Use reverse technology to deconstruct the egg and rebuild it.
229. Zap with William Shatner's bionic eye.
230. Dangle precariously over a mountainside, then claim to the boys that you have an idea.
231. Scramble, mix, blend, dice and consume.
232. Take to the highest levels of government to uncover an international egg conspiracy.
233. Recall all eggs to the egg factory, as it has been discovered that eggs may contain traces of nuts.
234. Expose to sunlight.
235. Expose in the Daily Mail.
236. Let loose with the egg-o-matic egg baker.
237. Coat in caramel then gulp it all down at once.
238. Transform into egg-nog by just adding milk!
239. Combine with Deadly Nightshade to produce an intoxicating elixir.
240. Use as an exciting fashion item - just everybody is wearing eggs!
241. Post to Keanu Reeves so that it can have an Eggsellent Adventure.
242. Brew in a stew with a gooey shrew.
243. Hire a video-camera. Film the egg. Fry the film and hey-presto, it will taste all eggy!
244. Undermine using guerilla tactics.
245. Draw face on egg. Put your head under your jumper/over-garment. Use egg as a prosthetic head to get into The Bald Mens' Club.
246. Cobble together with the leftovers from a Toga Party and store in a vat at room temperature.
247. Use as subterfuge in a Dam Busting raid.
248. Bring your egg to the slaughter!
249. Comb out onto a sandbank.
250. Spread liberally on crackers.
251. Mould to resemble the face of George W Bush, Jnr.
252. Plant in Kwik-Gro and just watch the results!
253. Enseminate with stegasaurus albumen to create the perfect roast dinner!
254. Report to Columbo, PI, who will say, "Aye, aye! Something eggy's going on here!"
255. Attach to jump-leads. The foam insulation should cushion the blast.
256. Grab unawares and take to the airing cupboard where you can have your wicked way.
257. Address politely, in a formal manner.
258. Reduce using the lastest scientific techniques.
259. Bend the egg, shake the egg, any way you want the egg.
260. Unstitch and then rub coconut oil into the grooves.
261. Smatter with spare geese intestines.
262. Prepare for Communion.
263. Put your glad rags on and let your hair down. This should relax the egg and lull it into a false sense of security! At which point, you must seize the egg by the scruff of the neck and do the business.
264. Invade egg and claim it as part of the Commonwealth (or 'weal' as some would have it).
265. Are you making a monkey out of me?
266. Marinate in a light white wine sauce, send to a pen-pal in Barbados, stick a deck-chair up your nose and pretend your name is Keith.
267. Ignore all of the above.
268. Do not ignore this one.
269. Ignore all of the below.
270. Stop ignoring me!
271. Egg is as egg does.
272. I think, therefore I am an egg.
273. Use as a bit part in a Stallonne movie.
274. Send down to Death Row. There the mother will surely fry!
275. Use as a mock-Oscar in a spoof awards ceremony.
276. Prevent embarrassment by welding egg to inner-kneecap in case of emergencies.
277. Cut with crack and ant-killer to create an egg speedball!
278. Pad out with turtle.
279. Spray with pesticides to rid of potato blight.
280. Ignore 268.
281. Pretend it is a local delicacy and sell to tourists at an extortionate price.
282. Breathe deeper, egg dreamer.
283. Creep to the crossroads at midnight. Bury the egg. In the morning unearth it and it will be amazingly covered in soil - jeepers!
284. Sweet talk the egg, then take it to the Whisky A-Go-Go in Soho, the seediest joint in town.
285. Dilute egg with marzipan. If you don't, you may risk getting indigestion.
286. Line up in front of firing squad.
287. Like a Mississippi bullfrog sitting on a hot stump, I've got so many eggs I don't know which way to jump!
288. Subdue by singing it lilting lullabies.
289. 10 PRINT "Cook egg" 20 GOTO 10
290. Distribute the egg harvest amongst the elderly folk. They'll know what to do from there.
291. Why not try reciting it some scatalogical be-bop? It's bound to work!
292. Or how about playing it at Cluedo. It worked with my wife, and we've never felt better!
293. Apply glitter and put it in the line-up of a glam rock outfit.
294. Accuse it of a crime it didn't commit.It will then form the EGG Team with HannibEgg, Mr Egg, Murdegg and Eggface.
295. Give a part in a play. Then it will be an egg role.
296. Give a part in Dawson's Creek. Then it will get Eggsitential teenage angst.
297. Dunk conspiratorially in a deep fat fryer. If anyone asks, you're just watering the flowers, alright?
298. Pin to a stampeding donkey. The vibrations should wiggle it enough to render it edible.
299. Shake well before opening.
300. Tie egg to end of a (long) string and yo-yo it down Mount St Helens.
301. Invent a time machine, set it to 2020 (the consensus-accepted date for the nuclear apocalypse) and oscillate it at >50Hz between here and there. (Health Warning: the former may increase your risk of cancer)
302. Attach egg to your sandles, then go a-stompin like you've never stomped before. The sandle-radiation ought to be at a high enough level to boil the eggs no problem!
303. Smoke egg through a filter.
304. Put egg in Coffeemate. Brew.
305. Transport under armed guard to a high security prison in the northern hemisphere.
306. Pacify with tranquilisers.
307. Spin on a hula-hoop.
308. Bind with a thick twine. Glue feathers and a beak to the outside. Make clucking noises nearby. The egg is now restored to its former state.
309. Bury in a haystack.
310. Transmit via the internet.
311. Send to Jimmy Saville. He'll fix anything.
312. Hit with a spanner.
313. Take on a busman's holiday.
314. Pretend to be on its side, then whip the rug out from out under its feet!
315. Grumble at it incessantly.
316. Poach sunny side down.

Answer 2

Soft scrambled Add a dash of full fat milk or 1/2 and 1/2 to your eggs, beat together. Pour onto a buttered, non stick skillet that has been warming over medium high heat. Gently stir up the egg curds as they cook up. Remove from heat when the eggs have lost most of their moisture content, but are still slightly runny. They will continue to cook. Sprinkle with salt and freshly ground black pepper.

Answer 3

I doubt that is true there may be 101 recipes or more but basically you can only cook and egg a few ways (e.g. boiled, fried, baked, poached, steamed, grilled, microwaved). All other forms of cooking fall into one of these categories or they are not cooking.

Answer 4

365 Ways to Cook Eggs (The 365 Ways Series) (Hardcover)
by Elaine Corn


Think you might want to change that question. LOL

Answer 5

Buy the book for me please...One Hundred Ways of Cooking Eggs
by Alessandro Filippini

http://www.alibris.com/search/search.cfm?qwork=4851731&wauth=Filippini%2C%20Alessandro&ptit=One%20Hundred%20Ways%20of%20Cooking%20Eggs&pauth=Filippini%2C%20Alessandro&pisbn=1589636791&pqty=10&pqtynew=5&pbest=29%2E45&pbestnew=29%2E94&matches=10&qsort=r&cm_re=works*listing*title

Answer 6

It's all simply a matter of personal preference. I actually have short hair and guys just like it. And i prefer a man with short hair over a guy with long hair because long tresses tends to make guys look as well girly.

Answer 7

buy 101 eggs then throw them all into the air guess what

Answer 8

Walk into a co-worker's desk to chat instead of instant messaging.

Answer 9

I have short tresses for the first time since I actually was 10 years old and I actually really like it but I skip my long curly locks so Now i'm growing it back out!

Answer 10

In the mood for a new hot meal? Make a massive pot of veggie bean soup, divide into two-cup containers, and store within the freezer. Before bed, place a container inside the fridge, then grab it before heading out the door every day.

Answer 11

Add cooked whole grains with a salad to increase the dietary fiber and protein and make the meal feel more satisfying.