Should I give up on him?

Question

I'm dating a guy this summer that I dated last year for a month. We got pretty serious, but mutually agreed to break up over the school year. Now we're back together again because we're living in the same place, but things are really different. He always seems really awkward if I try to kiss him or touch him. He keeps saying that he's okay with everything and that he wants to keep dating, but it's not enough for me as it is. He was in a pretty serious relationship this winter and he says that he's trying to take things more slowly now, but we're both leaving town again in 5 weeks and our time is really limited. I'm crazy about this guy like I was last year, but I don't want to waste my time. Should I keep trying or are things as good as they're going to get? Should I let it go and find myself someone else for the summer?

Answer 1

What? You're into seasonal dating? You have Mr. Winter, Mr. Spring, Mr. Summer and Mr. Fall? Why not have a Mr. Daytime and a Mr. Nighttime too?

C'mon girl, give it up. Try finding one guy to settle with and actually build a relationship.

Answer 2

If he's pulling away... it could be for three reasons.
A. He actually really cares about you and wants to take things slowly because he's afraid of hurting you or
B. He's got someone else on his mind or
C. He's just plain hurting from this thing last winter and needs some time to heal, not everyone can simply forget the pain...

Answer 3

In my opinion....

At best, this guy likes you but is still mourning his recent relationship...which would likely take longer than the 5 weeks to really overcome.

At worst, he likes you okay to hang out with, but isn't as into you as you are into him.

There are some other small possibilities in there, but if you are hoping that you're going to have him respond to you with equal feeling in the 5 weeks, I say that you're in for a lot of heartache.

Enjoy the relationship for what it is and what it has a chance to become in such a short time period. Or consider opening your interest range to include other guys while you date this one.

Answer 4

This is not advice, just data for you to look at to hopefully help you situation.

If you hold onto something too tightly, you will restrict it and it will rebel against you. Life needs and wants it freedom. Take a small animal and hold it for a while and watch how it will squirm and even attack you to get free. Cats are great for this. People are no different. Life rebels when its freedom is threatened.

I'm not saying you're threatening anyone's freedom here but does he have enough space?

I fully understand that you care for him or may want more activity than kissing. I understand if are pushing him mentally and physical to fulfill urges. That's what we do. Your a girl or women and have needs. :) But if you see him backing off or being unsure, then space may be what he needs. By space we're talking about physical space, as in not pushing too hard to get some action or backing off when he does or making it okay for him to back off, but also mental space, as in allowing him to be where he is at right now. Does that make sense? For example, a parent may get angry and yell at a child who is sad and not talking, but if he is given space and allowed to sit there silent and sad, he will eventually come around. His space is safe. It's okay for him to be sad. This is extremely therapeutic.

Who knows, he may have something going on in life that's bothering him and he's afraid of talking about it and it's effecting your situation as you explain in your question. Or maybe he's not into to you anymore, which is not the best thing to deal with but may be the case. But who knows??? Only HE DOES. So by allowing him to be the way he is being, by allowing him to be awkward, he'll probably come around or communicate to you what's really going on. I hope you see this as something inside of him not being communicated, which is not a bad thing, we just need to make it safe for people to talk about it and that usually means providing space. Or maybe he has communicated it, which is that he's on the rebound from his winter relationship. He may be in pain over it. Whatever it is, if it is allowed to be, things will untangle themselves. Good luck.

Answer 5

Even if you tried someone different, you still have only five weeks left before you leave town. With someone new, you're gonna spend those five weeks adjusting to the new relationship. Why not hold on to what you've got and try to enjoy it for now.

Answer 6

sounds like he is gun shy an is still trying to deal with his last break up from the girl in the winter sounds like he wants a woman around but he does not want one around eather you might say he is on the rebound my advice is give him space an when you both leave in 5 weeks an you come back see how things are with him dont sit around a wait on him go with your gut feelings they never lie to you

Answer 7

In my opinion it's never good to get the habit of breaking up and getting back together because nothing is ever resolved. I think all it does is put another "fracture" in an already broken relationship. But that's just my thoughts.

Answer 8

no way!!!!! if u find someone else it wont be enough time to get serious in 5 weeks but maybe he trying to take it slow 4 u!!!! so u should talk to him about it. the only other time when guys want to take it slow is when they are cheating on u. good luck***

Answer 9

You should try to let go and enjoy the summer. That's too tough and emotional to get toyed with especially if you think he's different now. You don't want to run your thoughts in circles.

Answer 10

If you want him then--enjoy it while it lasts and remember in the back of your mind that it is ending. So drink up every last drop of the relationship you want and then go to a new fountain.