Why would a 17 yr old boy hit his father?

Question

Teen boy got mad when dad disciplined him.
He kicked his dad,and tried to punch him in the face.

His dad is kindest man,and has never shown violence to this boy.He asked his son to put luggage in the hotel room,and the boy yelled in his dad's face(THERE IT IS)it caught the dad off guard,and the dad went to grab the boys arm,and then the boy went crazy.Kicking,hitting,and cussing.The dad held him back by holding him(around the neck).The dad let him go,and the boy left the hotel,with his very shocked friend(another 17 yr old).

I witnessed this myself,and we all were shocked.The boy seems nice enough,but he is not respectful,my opinion.He does not thank his parents for anything they do for him,and yes they do alot.I may have worded this wrong.The dad asked him to put the luggage in the hotel room.When the dad could not find a specific piece of the lugagge,he asked the boy "where is my bag"?The boy then,got in his face and screamed "THERE IT IS".The dad became alarmed,and reached for the boys arm,and that young man,started kicking,hitting(towards the face)and cussing.The mom asked him calmly to stop what he was doing,and he continued.The dad got the boy in a head lock,and stood there until the boy promised to stop.Then he let him go.The dad said later,"He hates me".Neither parent knows why.

Answer 1

lack of respect

Answer 2

Thank-you for the additional details. It sounds like a drug related impulse issue. If the history given about the father is correct and he's not violent then consider the possibility of drugs. What I don't understand is where the discipline comes in. The description you give is a father making a request the son refusing with a physical altercation following. He yelled at his father over luggage then they had a physical altercation ? That's what you describe. I don't see where discipline enters this scenario ? Aggression is born in males how we handle that is a learned behavior. If this 17year old doesn't have an undiagnosed conduct disorder or drug issue his response is learned behavior. How or where he learned it, is open to debate. If the father did more then grab his arm engaging physically, the response is appropriate under the circumstances. This is a 17 year old young man and not a boy. I'm not condoning the sons actions the father should consider filing charges. Enabling violence is always a mistake and hitting your father is a very violent act.

Answer 3

A 17 year old would not do this unless 1. he was on drugs 2. he was mentally ill 3. he had been emotionally and/or physically abused by his dad previously
I do not believe that a 17 yr old would behave like this from being spoiled, manipulative, etc. There is a major disturbance, in my humble opinion, and it needs to be addressed by other family members. Good Luck !

P.S. I just read your additional details. At the end you wrote that neither parent knows why the boy behaved like that.. That is untrue ! Both of the parents, somewhere in the back of their minds, know why the son acted like that. People do not behave like that unless something is wrong ! Since you witnessed what happened, you must know the boy. You can ask him the reason for his behaviour. The risk you take in doing that is becoming involved in their lives. If you think he is worth it, or that his family is worth it, just ask. But, do not believe that no one knows anything about "WHY". They are a "Family" and they know why each other acts like they do. Good Luck !

Answer 4

At that age a boy often resents the 'rules' and wishes he could control the whole world and is frustrated and and annoyed that he hasn't the power nor the skills to run things well... He is acting out because he thinks he can get away with it. My son went thru a similar phase where everything we did as parents he resented...like wanting to know how he was doing in school and who his friends were. Just the basic stuff that as parents we had a duty to ask about... At this age he wants to be independent and on his own but can't be just yet.
You said it was at a hotel and a friend was there. That means it was on a trip so the boy probably wanted to go and hang out at the pool or somewhere where he could pretend to be older and on his own. He saw his dad as a hinderence to his plans and lashed out as payback for a non existant but percieved 'wrong' his father did. Also he may have felt free to act out because thay were around strangers mostly and he really was not thinking at all.

When my son got this way there was no talking to him and no reasoning because he did not want to admit he created the mess.

I hope this all works out... Ask your friend why he did this. and see what he says.
He may not be willing to apologise but he can be pressed to show respect even of he does not feel it is merited. At that age one often sees ones parents as dolts and stupid...with stupid rules and stupid expectations and stupid clothes and ...well I think you get the idea... It will take talk and some sanctions to stop it from happening again. Good luck.

Answer 5

It sounds as if the Dad has been too nice to his son to the point of (maybe) not being consistent with discipline. That young man was fortunate that his dad only grabbed his neck.

If that 17 year old has grown used to his dad "backing off" whenever he resists instruction, then the first time the dad insists on obedience, the son will have an outburst such as the one you described.

It sounds as if the son didn't want to be pushed out his comfort zone. If he didn't want to do what he was told, all he had to do was take his time about getting around to it. He knew his dad wouldn't do anything.

Answer 6

A show of anger for not getting his way and not being in control of his own life. He doesn't realize the trouble, drugs, sexual diseases you can get, and other things that can happen to you, in our mixed up world. At 17 you think you are an adult but rarely act like one. You think you are indestructible, you think you know everything about sex. You know it all. We have all been there. It is so hard for parents to try and bring up their children right. And it is so hard for children to be teenagers this day and time. It is easy for things to get out of hand so he hit him probably before he even thought about it. Dad will have to hold down the fort though and make sure he knows who is running the household. He will thank him later when he grows up. To many parents just let their children run wild because they just don't know what to do with them anymore. I am not talking about abusing a child though, only punishment when necessary.

Answer 7

It's difficult to say without knowing the individual but here are a few things that could cause that.

The child has anger issues and needs councelling.
The child was abused by the parent at some time in it's life and is now large enough to defend himself and is doing a healthy thing even though it's not socially acceptable.
The father's discipline was physical and the child is defending himself.

Answer 8

Does the father resolve issues this way?
If no...then there is definitely some anger management issue going on. Or..there is substance abuse involved. Either one needs counseling before he does something that ends him up in jail. He's a minor. If he won't discuss it with you, you should be able to force the issue.

Think hard. People don't usually just start acting this way. Somewhere along the line you may have been missing the signs.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like the "boy" has been given everything his whole life. Now that he's growing up, he's rebelling. It could have to do with drugs, but that is the biggest copout I know. The parents should put him out on his ear. Not cast him out, just make him fend for himself. This is called "tough love". Tough, because unless you are a parent yourself, you can not imagine how hard it is to watch, but, non-the-less, a necessary step. I do not doubt that both parents love him very much, and I don't doubt that he loves them as well, but there comes a time in life when a parent HAS to draw the line. If his father lets him get away with this, it will get worse.

Answer 10

He is 17

Answer 11

I remember at 17 being just about ready to do that .. i had to replace alot of pillows because they would get crushed. I felt like punching my dad alot, if it is only the first time, give him serious disciplinary action along with some shunning. Answer him with one word answers until the guilt gets him and he realizes he never wants to do that again. He doesnt need counseling yet, he just needs some serious discipline. Make him feel guilty, it will get the job done.