How can I stop my best friend from making a terrible mistake???

Question

My best friend who is a male, I'm female, told me the other day that he is going to ask this girl to marry him. He knows that I am madly in love with him and he tells me that he has a special love for me but only as friends right now. How can I make him see that he is making a terrible mistake without losing his trust and friendship? I am not trying to stop him for my gain but because I know that he is not 100% happy with their relationship. For example: She is in an unhappy marriage already, she can't be trusted, her idea of revenge is sleeping around on him when they have a fight, my friend and her fight everyday, she's immature, selfish, stuck on herself and they live in different countries. I've told him not to rush into anything because she needs to get divorced first and they need to spend more time together and work things out first. He thinks that if he asks her "it will seal the deal" between them. I told him he was wrong. What should I do? I just can't sit by

Answer 1

You sound pretty clear on your position, like you definitely know your viewpoint is solid and worthy. And it seems your motivations are ethical. It sounds like you're not only acting for your interest. Is that correct so far?

If you are indeed strong in your position, good. If not, if you feel weak or unsure about what you stand for, then write your thoughts down on paper. Write as much as you possibly can to get all of your feelings out. WRITE UNTIL YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT THE SITUATION OR WHAT YOU SHOULD DO ABOUT IT BECOMES OBVIOUS. Then destroy what you've written to free yourself from it since it will most likely represent some painful things. Be sure to destroy it and don't show it to anyone.

As for the man, what can you do? You sound genuine, so could you write your friend a genuine letter? What you write above seems to say it all. All you can do is state how you feel, get that communication across to him and let him do as he pleases. (People take things in writing more seriously than when verbalized.)

Should you write such a letter, remember that a light touch in life gets you much further than something heavy. If the letter is super long and overly serious and is painful and such, it will be hard for the reader to read it. If it's to the point, not too heavy, loving and writen from the heart, i.e. nice and light, it will read easier, and therefore you're concern to him will be heard.

It's okay to control another person if it's good control. We're all so used to control being negative that we rebel against any control. If you are trying to control this person for the better, that is okay but you cannot force anyone to do anything. All you can do is state how you feel. He is responsible for his own decisions and you can't make them for him. Remember, this is not just about him, you also need to take of yourself and how you handle this situation can either help/heal or hurt yourself. But I wouldn't suggest not communicating - the more communication the better.

This is just data for you (since you asked), not a "do this, do that" type of thing. I hope it gives you some valuable data to use and I hope it works out.

And don't grasp this (or any situation) too hard. If you hold on too tight, get too wound up or can't get you attention off of it, you're holding on too hard. It's time to go for a long walk and look at the world if this is the case. That which you cannot let go of controls and dominates you. Good luck.

Answer 2

We can't live other people's lives for them and we can't make other people do the right thing. Unfortunately, you have to "just sit by" and watch it happen. You have to do what is best for you in the matter and if you are stressing out over his situation and have done everything that you can for him in the matter (and it sounds like you have) then you have to let him go. You might even need to step back in your friendship with him, so that you can live your own life and stop dwelling on the things that you can't change.

Answer 3

i imagine you shouldv search for specialist help, and its good that you admit in having an dependancy. thats a first step. you pick the help of a health care specialist and if you're already seeing a health care specialist , then i propose you're making a change of health care specialist. In my kin im the only which does each and everything the incorrect way. it occurs in each and every kin , the position there are us the prospect takers. lol I actual have made allot of blunders too. now that im 35 i realized that all of it comes right down to creating better desicions. dont attempt to be good, that sounds not basic lol purely make better decions and dont live on the previous. all of us make blunders, and theres no such ingredient as being proper. its under no circumstances late to start up sparkling. purely take it day . you do belong in that faculty thats why your in it.

Answer 4

This is one of those hard situations where you can't do anything. While you may have many valid reasons why his marrying her would be a mistake, he will suspect you are trying to break them up because of your feelings.

Sadly, sometimes being someone's friend is watching them make mistakes and standing by to catch them if and when they fall apart.

Hope this helps. Hang in there. This has to be so hard for you.

Answer 5

its hard but thats what you have to do. if youim and heve tried talking to h still insists on this, the tell him one more time, explaining ev erything you explained in your question. if works than good if not you tryed. hes a big boy and hell obviously have to make the mistake to relize he should have listened. he has a good friend in you, but you cant save everyone. and dont sayi told you so...that makes for bad mojo

Answer 6

I am sorry , but the only thing you can do is shoot him - but you did not hear that from me