I am 34 and have no children of my own.
2006-07-09 07:20:25 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hi Honey. I definitely do not think you are selfish in the respect that you do not want to get into a relationship with someone who already has kids. I think part of the reason a lot of men feel this way is because they do not have their own children yet. Maybe you feel you would not be able to relate to her children in a fatherly way. I think that some single mothers (NOT ALL) are looking for a father figure for their children who have derelict dads or have no father at all, or just the simple fact they may not like the children's real father. This puts on a lot of pressure for a man who does not already have children of his own.
The other thing is too, if the woman already has two or three kids, and you do not have any yourself yet, you probably will want YOUR own someday. You are probably afraid that most likely she will not want to have any more children. And could you really support a house full of children?
And sometimes there is conflict between the mother and her ex husband or boyfriend. I know that guys are really scared to be involved in that, and honestly, I would be too. And there may be conflict between you and her children...That is also pretty awkward as well. They might resent you and make it hard for you to get to know the family.
But lets look at the flipside of this...How many kids are we talking about? If she has two or three kids, I can really see your point. But I think if she has one child, I do not really know what the huge deal is. I don't think that is as complicated because she probably still wants more, so you would not have to be so afraid that she would not want your kids someday.
And you have to look at it this way...Is she a good person? Could you be missing out on a really good relationship just for the simple fact she already has children? Maybe you really need to give it a chance if you feel that it is worth it. I mean, have you really tried to date her yet? Maybe you should date her and see just how complicated it is, and if you truly feel this is not something you are ready for, just end it. You really do not know if you try either.
I totally understand where you are coming from, and your feelings are normal and not selfish. I just think maybe you might want to give things a chance before you completely rule it out. The other thing is, if you are dating, try not to do too many things with the kids right away. You don't want them to get attached if you are not going to be around for too long.
Good luck with your situation, just try to think about some of the things that I said.
2006-07-09 07:34:27 · answer #1 · answered by katisadiva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO. AS long as you are HONEST at the very beginning of a relationship and state this. Children are not for every one. But when you fall in love you cannot help it if the lady has a child . And are you willing to walk away from her because of this ??
2006-07-09 15:18:09 · answer #2 · answered by chablis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong. Its ur life n u have to do what u think will make u happy.
Children r hard work if u really want them so cant imagine it if u didn't. None of u would be happy n it wouldn't last anyway.
I do feel that if u met someone u truly loved and she/he ad children, Ur feelings may change !!!!!!!
Its ur life n ur choice.
2006-07-09 17:10:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not everyone wants kids in life. And its good your at least upfront about it. I think that is much more respectable then going into a relationship and trying to play "daddy" and be someone your not. I really respect your honesty and I think many other women would agree.
2006-07-09 14:23:36 · answer #4 · answered by angelikness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.
Why should you want to spend your life bringing up some other guy's children?
I'm guessing at some point you may want your own and would rather hold out until then and do it all for the first time together.
2006-07-09 14:22:28 · answer #5 · answered by 'Dr Greene' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i dont think you are, getting involved with someone that has children is alot to ask of someone else that dosent already have children as you dont just have a relationship with a women you have to have one with the children too and if your hearts not in it the your best off staying well clear well im my opion you are
2006-07-09 14:27:40 · answer #6 · answered by lyndsay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think your smart. If you aren't ready to take on a partner and her kids, because it is a package deal, you are wise not to get into a relationship with someone who has kids. It's a tough thing to be a step-parent, and not something to be consider lightly.
2006-07-09 14:25:49 · answer #7 · answered by wild1handy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, are you selfish if you don't want to date someone who works all the time, lives miles away, is ugly, or has a nasty personality. It's called preference.You don't have to share your feelings with anyone.Why carry a package that's not yours? Don't settle on any detail--Compromise but don't settle ,good luck!
2006-07-09 14:28:11 · answer #8 · answered by dancerbanner 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your asking this quetion but you already know the answer, you want the woman but not the baggage you cant have one without the other unless your prepared to accept parts and parcel your wasting yours and her time,
if you have reel feeling for this woman in time you might be able to accept the kids, and kids do grow up and leave home dont forget.
good luck
2006-07-09 19:21:18 · answer #9 · answered by Grizley Bear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a bit selfish of you but it is your life and you make your own choices. I think that when you really love someone you love them as a whole: you cant exclude an aspect of their life e.g. kids. I think that it is not real love.
2006-07-09 14:24:17 · answer #10 · answered by Rhapsody 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋