2006-07-09 06:31:28 · 18 answers · asked by blueblast66 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The Soldier And The Nun
A soldier emerged from a copse of trees and saw a nun walking along the road.
Breathless and flustered, he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later."
The nun was very confused but took pity on him and agreed.
A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here??"
The nun replied, "Yes, he went that way."
After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I
don't want to go to Iraq."
The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."
The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either."
2006-07-09 21:26:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So a nun was hitchhiking lol and this car pulls up. The driver asked if she wanted a ride the nun answered yes and got in the car. The driver asked her were she was going and she told him the address. After 5 minutes the man said, "Ya' know. I would really like to kiss you right now." The nun answered, "Alright but first I must ask you a few questions." The first question was do you have kids? The man answered no. The second question was are you married? The man again answered no. The third and final question was are you Christian? The man this time answered yes. Then the nun said, "Alright I'll kiss you." She kissed the man and after a few minutes of silence the man spoke up. He said, "I have a confession. I have a wife and two kids and I am not Christian." Then the nun said, "I have a confession too. My name is Bobby and I'm on my way to a costume party. Hope you like it!
2006-07-09 07:16:55 · answer #2 · answered by Drama Queen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and, on being told there was a
fortune in horse racing, decided to buy one
and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price
for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He thought that since he had it he might as well go ahead and entered it in
the race and, much to his surprise, the donkey
came in third. The next day the local paper ! carried this headline:
PASTOR'S *** SHOWS
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and this time it won. The local paper read:
PASTOR'S *** OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper h eadline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ***
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the
donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following
headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten
dollars. The next day, the paper read:
NUN SELLS *** FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy
back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run
wild. Headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day.
2006-07-09 16:38:41 · answer #3 · answered by Chino 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A priest and a nun were traveling through the desert when there camel died suddenly. Alone and in the middle of nowhere they decided to sit and wait for help to come.
During the night they talked about stories of there life and what they had and hadn't done with their life. It is then that the preist asks the nun if she has ever had sex the nun replies "no". So the preist brings up the suggestion that since they are alone and in the middle of nowhere and could possibly die that perhaps they should try it.
Upon agreement the Priest flops out his pecker and says to the nun "This is the staff of life, it brings life to the dead".
In response the nun replies, "good go screw that dead camel so we can get the hell out of here."
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Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"
2006-07-09 06:43:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two nuns, who take turns cleaning the priest's quarters, are gossiping about the things they find. One other nun is listening in on the gossip from around the corner. The first one says "You'll never believe what I found!" The other one demands she tell what she found. "I found a copy of PLAYBOY!" The second one gasps! When asked what she did with it, she replied "I took a marker and drew clothing on all those women!" They both agreed this was a great thing to do. The second one then says "Well I found an unopened condom in his bathroom!" The first one asks "What did you do with it?" The second one replies "I took a straight pin and pricked holes all over it." At this point the nun around the corner falls into a dead faint.
2006-07-09 06:52:21 · answer #5 · answered by damn_sam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a hot day, a little old nun is trying to cross the street. A man sees her and helps her across. He says, "Sister, it's too hot for you to be out in this weather, let's go into this bar and get you something cold to drink."
Once in the bar, he asks the nun what she wants to drink. She shyly replies, "Could I have a mar-tiny".
The man thinks how cute, she wants a mar-tiny and he tells the bartender.
"A MAR-TINY, is that goddamned nun in here hustling drinks again?"
2006-07-09 06:40:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have 2 actually..
once a nun was in her room changing when there was a knock on her door. she asked" who's that?"
the reply "blind man"
she was thinking a blind man couldn't see her naked and so opened the door.. to her horror she saw a man with his eyes almost popping out standing at the doorstep with a couple of blinds.
2nd one..
there was once a priest who kept church funds for himself and didnt even want to take out some of the money to buy candles for the church. so, he masturbated and made his sperm into wax.. , then into candles. 3 weeks after he started this thing, all the nuns in the church came crying to the priest to confess that they're pregnant but swore that they did not have sex with any guy...
2006-07-09 09:12:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how did the person look after they made fun of a nun in a really bad way?
Answer, foolish
2006-07-09 06:40:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy...
2006-07-09 09:15:23 · answer #9 · answered by }pixie{ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two nuns in a bath... one says 'where's the soap' the other nun says 'yes it does doesnt it?'
2006-07-09 06:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋