So unhappy, so depressed, can anyone help?

Question

Don't know if anyone can help, but maybe someone can.
I don't want to hear anyone say, "just go see a counselor" they r expensive & don't have that kind of $$$ right now. Trying to take care of 2 children & aging parent, & work 40-60 hr/wk. I've had clinical depression for many yrs, meds don't seem 2 help, its to the point would just rather be dead, but the only thing keeps me going is my kids. Used 2 believe in God, but seriously question it now, after all painful experiences I had in my life I've come to adopt the philosophy that life is random & time & chance happens to everyone; there is no "Greater Design". I'm well educated and have no use for some dipsh** philosophy. Tired of struggling. Maybe I shouldn't be broadcasting these kinds of personal thoughts on a public forum like this but hell ya know, I think I just don't give a f*** anymore. Go ahead, I'm willing to put up with a few rude f***ing a** comments in the hopes that there will be 1 or 2 worthwhile comments. Bye.

Just wanted to say thanks to those of you who made meaningful responses...It made me think twice about going to counseling. I found out my insurance does cover it. I am definitely going to go starting next month. Thank you and bless you for your consideration, this means a lot to me!

Answer 1

Cognitively,

I know depression; know it intimately so I hope you'll listen up and read my entire answer before judging it. You are still reaching out to the universe for help so there is a great deal of hope but you are in danger--even if that danger consists only of feeling the way you feel for another day...

You have clinical depression and you are under an extreme amount of stress. The burden you are carrying would be a challenge for anyone, for someone in your circumstances it is down-right ludicrous. This is coming from someone who manages clinical depression and also has two children and many other stressors. This is coming from someone who has a number of "statistics" in her family and has been close enough to the edge herself to know how to avoid it in future.

I am still very suseptible to pain and stress but I am also suseptible to joy and serenity. There is none of this in your life right now and you need it to balance the hardships. Listed below are the steps to take to agian find that place called 'happiness'.

Step one: Get over the idea that you do not need medication (at least temporarily) The stage of depression you're experiencing goes beyond external circumstances. The chemicals in your brain are now unbalanced. This is something that can be viewed in autopsys of depressed people as well as computer imaging with live subjects. You need immediate chemical intervention. Once you are in a balanced state of mind you will be in the position to look at your life as a whole and see where improvements can be made and where joy can be embraced.


Step two: Get over the idea that you don't have the money or time for therapy. Not only does every town offer some sort of counseling on a sliding scale but even if they didn't, YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT RIGHT NOW AND IT'S WORTH WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!

Step three: Get over the idea that it is selfish for you to take the time and money to nurture yourself. It is not a luxury: it is an absolute necessity. Put yourself first and you will be in a better position to care for those who depend on you. You will also be in a more resourceful state of mind, That, combined with your intelligence, will lead to many ideas on how to lighten your load and incorporate some fun in your life.

The state of mind you describe is a living death, only less peaceful, thanks to the almost unmanagable ragethat goes with it. What counseling and medication offers you is not an escape from pain. What they offer you is the chance to feel ALIVE again and from this state anything is possible!

I urge you not to listen to the "pick- yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps" people. They mean well but do not know clinical depression. Those who would advocate natural remedies also mean well but do not understand clinical depression. The lifestyle changes that they suggest are quite valuable once you are on your feet again but are not enough, at least at this stage, in and of themselves.

Depression, because it is a MENTAL illness, is greatly stigmatized, but it is no different than any other illness. I'm sure you would agree, It is a fool who does not seek treatment when dangerously ill.

You know the old addage about leading a horse to water... I can't make the choice for you but if there is anything else I can do please e-mail directly.

Answer 2

First of all love your self and the people you have to live for and focus on that, take a vacation and leave the kids and turn your phone off and do nothing for anyone else but your self (at least for a day). It will lift your spirits. Go to a friends house that is working all day, that you can trust if you have no funds and ask them if you can have time to yourself where no one can locate you just for a day. I was in the same boat as you and I said wait a minute, I am only one person and I have to look out for me. You seem like a very caring person and have taken on a lot o f responsibity, God didn't make the world in 1 day and you can't make everyone happy so stop trying. Take a few minutes a pray daily before you begin your day, if you have to, go to the restroom and take 2 min. to get away. You have to be strong and hold it together, its hard, trust me I know :) but keep your head up and don't stop believing in God. I know it seems sometimes he is not there, but he is there and he will bring you out of any situation you are in. Have faith and believe. Life is what you make it, so create your own destiny. If the kids and your parent is overwhelming, ask for help. You will be surprise how many people will help. Success is not defined by wealth and believe me when I tell you that there is always someone out there worst off than you. I love you and really wish I can help more! I live in FL and not sure where you are but you have a friend in FL. :)

Answer 3

it seems that you have had it, which is understandable. you are only one person and you have a lot of things you have to do. I don't know what you could do or what you should do because you have quiet the load on you. I know you don't want to hear this but when you can't afford a specialist you can go t the emergency room of you hospital, tell them you want to see the psychiatrist for a referral and tell the psychiatrist what is going on and he will make the referral and you can get help for free. it seems you really just need to slow down. I doubt that you ever actually go out and have fun and I think it would be hard but you need to find something that you and your children can enjoy doing together which will help eliminate some stress. Working that many hours is enought alone to drive you crazy, you have no time for your self and you need that as a human being. I am honestly stumped with your situation because I can't begin to imagine how you feel on a daily basis but you need to find things on you free time, (and i bet theres not much of it) that you can enjoy. Start reading a book, a million little peices by James Fry is an amazing one. keep a journal so you can write down every feeling that goes through you mind and body. I hope this finds you doing well and hopefully this was just a bad day instead of an everyday feeling. good luck to you. just remember to take your time with things and enjoy life because it is worth enjoying. take care of yourself

Answer 4

I've been on Zoloft for 6 months now, and am sorting myself out, slowly. Friends and family have been my rock, so I'm very lucky. It's common for well educated people to suffer from depression, so you certainly not alone in that context.
Having positive affirmations that 'speak to you' certainly help. Such as; 'The past does not equal the future'. I really like that one because I'm a 41yo artist who has yet to get his act together so I can make a living from my work. Too often I think t I can't become successful because I haven't managed to have it yet, and I know that this is bull sh*t, so that's how the affirmation helps.
You should try to make time to do things that you enjoy, exercise, eat well, and once you're feeling a little better, give yourself time to figure out what you want to do, and how you're going to achieve it. Actually, the first thing I thought of when I read your question was 'Ren and Stimpy' and their 'Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy' song. I love Ren and Stimpy, so I reckon if you hired the original series from the video store, and watched all of the episodes over a week, you'll feel at least a bit better.

Answer 5

Life can be tough, I know. I've 52, and have had times you are discribing in my past. There were times I had felt like ending it all, but then, I thought of my kids. What would they do without me? Who would there be to care for them properly? I made it through, and now things are better, not perfect, but better. Hang in there, find a friend to talk with, find some time to get away from the problems. You need to take care of yourself. Life is an open book. You sound intelligent, and I'm sure you've read many a book in your time. Isn't it annoying if you are almost through with the book and you lose it before you get to the end? Life is like that. Finish this book called Life, and you'll see that there will be more good time then bad. Call someone who can take care of the kids and your parents and take a weekend off. Do something that makes you feel good again. And remember, you are loved and needed.

Answer 6

You have a pile of responsibility on your shoulders. All that alone is enough to cause depression on a massive level. But on top of all the responsibilities you have, you also have battling depression for a long time. You know as well as I do that you need someone who specializes in pharmaceudials and counseling. Please check with your local health agencies to see if there are any programs there for people who need financial aid. I have an ongoing problem with depression myself and I have sought help with a local church who had a program based on income. I got to talk to a professional counsler. They're out there. You just have to ask around.
Now, how old are your kids? Are they old enough to help out in a big way? Helping with your parent, keeping the house clean and fixing meals. The stuff that kills a mom (you are a mom and not a dad right?) when she's trying to work 40 or 50 hours a week and then she has to come home and feed everyone and clean and all that. And what about your aging parent. Can she or he help? Any little way makes a difference.
Try and keep your faith in the Lord. He, I believe, is indeed there even though you can't see Him right now. Pray just by talking to Him. Talk to Him as though He's standing right in front of you. Tell Him all of your problems, your thoughts, your concerns, your feelings. Talk to Him. It does help.
Now a really big suggestion. You HAVE to take time out for yourself. Even if it's just a walk in the park or around the neighborhood. If your kids need a babysitter, then maybe your parent can help you there. If your parent needs a babysitter then maybe your kids can help if they're old enough. But you have to to for yourself. Go exercise at the gym. Get those endorphines going. Cut out the sugar and caffine from your diet. That makes a huge difference in mental health.
There are people out here who care about you and a lot of us can relate to you. My e-mail address is [e-mail]. E-mail me if you need to talk. Talking is a good thing. Good luck sweetie.
Kelly

Answer 7

Wow.. You really seem angry at life. Well.. as you said-I will not say that u go and see professional help...
Hmmm- Ok firstly believng and not believing in God its a personal choice... you know wat I do I take Him as my friend and like when friends make u angry.. I get angry at him.
Anyways- What I think you really need is a break. I am sure that if nothing else you do have the weekend off. Now I know that you have to take care of your responsibilities in the house during the weekend but a few hours for yourself wont harm.
Everybody lives and does things for a cause- You are doing watever for your kids- So sit in front of a mirror and say loudely to yorself - I am a strong person and I will not feel bad about my life.
Next thing is to become an optimist... and in our stressful life its the hardest thing to do.. sometimes I also give up and see death as the easy way out... but then I say to myself that death is either for weak or old and I am none so y should I die...!!! The best way to kick out negative thought is that as soon as a negative thought comes quickly replace it with a positive thought.
Like if you think death.. immidiately change your thoughts to life. This will take lots of practice but I am sure youll pull through.
And then something which I always like to do wen i am feeling low- is close my eyes and think about the happy days.. and give myself a promise that Ill make that happiness come back to me.
Take out time to pursue your hobbies... itll help. Go out with friends once in a while and listen to their problems.. and soon you wou would realise that there are others who are in worse condition than what you are in.
Lastly- Meditation- Its the perfect healing for stressful mind.
Apart from this talk.. alot.. amke lots of friends... talk to your kids I am sure that your kids miss you alot despite you being with them.
Think Happy youll be happy...!!!

Answer 8

Honestly, you should see a doctor if you can get financial aid. The only other words of help I have is "Praise is the weapon of his people." I know this sounds crazy but it does work, especially during those time that are the worst. I hope the best for you. Good Luck and I will remember you in my prayers. I think you should take jd's advice too. Another thing, I once read "that which you focus on will increase." SO if you focus on mental health you most likely will get better, there are lot of mental health books! I recommend you read some of them.Best wishes!

Answer 9

I wish you the best but I have to say... looks like you have a lot of things going on. You have already nixed most common ideas for treating depression. You sound perfectly lucid and are, as you said well educated, so I won't crap talk you. Either be willing to get the help you need (not all shrinks cost money look into resources for sliding scale therapy in your area) or prepare your kids to see a shrink as adults. Be the grown-up here. You are fu***ng up your kids, you think they don't notice that you want to off yourself, you think they are not wondering if it's there fault? I know you are having a hard time but don't be so selfish. Send them away for awhile while you pull yourself together. Best of luck.

Answer 10

hey im really sorry i can see u really going thru a bad patch and u r despondent- i dont blame u. mayb u shud leave ur aging parent in an old age home just 4 a little while just sothat u can get ur life on track, then leave ur kids at a friend or relative for the week and go to a health hydro and de-stress. i know this aint gonna rid u off ur problem but will relax u for a while. i dont know if this might b ur desired answer but i do wish u all the luck n hope that things get better.