How do you deal with religious in laws when you are not religious?

Question

My wife and I just had our first child. The in laws are very religious and very conservative Southern Baptists. I disagree with many of their viewes about a number of different issues and do not want our child raised with those beliefs. What do I do? It is a touchy situation. I am of the mind that it is not their business and that they should respect our decisions as parents--whether they agree or not.

Answer 1

Hopefully, your wife is in agreement with you. She should be the one to deal with her parents. The decision is yours and hers about how to raise your child. My suggestion is LOTS of tact followed by changing the subject when and if it comes up. Try really hard to avoid a confrontation, because it'll get nowhere and only cause animosity. If they insist on confronting you, stay calm and, like you said, ask them to respect your decision as parents. Then try to change the subject again, and refuse to be drawn into an argument.

Answer 2

How does your wife feel? Doesn't she also have a say in how your child is raised?
I am also Southern Baptist, however I do understand where you are coming from. I think you and your wife should sit and discuss this situation before it gets out of control. I am sure your wife understood your feelings about religion before she married you (correct?). After the discussion and a decision has been agreed upon, you both need to sit down with her parents and discuss this with them, back each other up and don't back down to her parents. You are the parents of this child and by all means have the final say in how your child will be raised. (I sure do hope that YOU and you child will give God a chance, it is sure a bonding thing for families). GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 3

I had 2 do this 4 my daughter having over-bearing Catholic In-Laws.
Times have changed, U & the Wife have decided 2 let UR children make up their own minds regarding Religion & it will B up 2 them if/when/ever they R interested.
B diplomatic & say that when the Time comes U will send UR kids 2 them 4 any information they may need.
But until then Religion is not an Important subject.
Unimportant & U have 2 mean it. B firm B kind.
I did & it worked. My daughter's like so many kids,
"God was an invention 2 keep the Masses in there place" so she never did ask them 4 Religious advice/views.

Answer 4

As long as your wife holds to your beliefs as well then you are right...it isn't any of their business. Just politely tell them that you respect their choice and their beliefs, but that isn't how you are going to raise your child, and that they should respect your decision as well. Don't argue or fight it just makes things worse. Now if your wife feels the same way they do then you have a whole new set of problems to deal with because your most likely going to be out voted. You don't want to drive the grandparents away, but they shouldn't push their values and beliefs down your throat. As long as your not raising your child to be an ax-murderer than they should accept your rights as parents to raise your child as YOU see fit. I have a very religious family my self and being the agnostic of the group doesn't go over very well at family reunions, but we just don't talk about religion as to not start fights.

Answer 5

The most important consideration is your relationship with your wife. You two need to agree on where you stand and then tell the inlaws that certain matters are you affair, not theirs. Don't let it become a touchy situation. Your business is yours.
Be strong.
As an atheist I run into this kind of problem all the time. Prayer at the dinner table - not in my home. In yours, fine... I come to the table after they are finished. No problemo.
You are dealing with some real zealots. Please do not let them run roughshod over you. If it gets uncomfortable, keep your visits short.

Answer 6

Speak with your wife - if you two agree on how you want your child raised, then speak with your wife about how she feels best to deal with her family. Remember, it's her family and she's lived with them/dealt with them longer than you two have known each other so she would probably know the best way to go about the matter.

If she stands up to them and they try to talk her down, then you step up and defend both of your thoughts and beliefs. Yes, it is your child and they have no right/business to put their nose into it. Be sure to be clear with them from the beginning of how you two want your child raised. Good luck!

Answer 7

You live your life and let them live theirs. You did not marry your in-laws. And you're right, it isn't their business. So long as the child is not being abused or dragged into some dangerous cult, they should stay out of it. When the child grows up, s/he will make his/her own decisions regarding religious beliefs anyhow. I was raised southern baptist by my mother and wiccan by my grandmother. I chose druidry. We all came out of it just fine :-)

Answer 8

I know the feeling. Your wife will have to be in total agreement with you. My in-laws were all raised in church, and most of them are hippocrites. So when they start on me, I start right back on them. The first thing I tell them is not to judge me by their personal convictions....what is wrong for you may not be wrong for me. Then I'll tell them that I raise my family the way I see fit, not the way they see fit. Now if they don't like it, then I'd tell them I'd be happy to live by all their rules if they want to support me and my family, which always shuts them up. But to be honest, you've been given a family to lead, so you must do this to the best of your abilities, not by in-laws expectations. They're just going to have to accept that. If they don't and trouble starts, then that's prove of their "Christianity", and you may have to get the police involved, and a lawyer. Best of luck to you........

Answer 9

It's your child and your decision. Alienating your wife might be an issue though. Wives generally will always be mommy and daddy's little girl and aren't so easy to change in these cases. With the inlaws, you're just going to have to confront them and tell them how it's going to be or it will always be an issue.

Answer 10

I would say respect their beliefs when you are with them. I'm guessing as long as you raise your child as a Christian, your in-laws should be OK with that.