what would you do? in-laws?

Question

My in-laws wants us to move in, or closer to them. I got nothing against them but I'm the kind that likes my own space. Never acctually own a home before until I got married. Been in and out of homes from adoptions. So when I got married, I felt like now I finally own something, something to call my own. I have my husband who loves me to death and our new home. Before I felt loved by the people that took care of me, but I didn't feel that I belonged to something until now. My in-laws don't seem to understand that and I also think that we'll have a better relationship if we don't live with them under the same roof. They're very nice people but me and my husband like to do our own thing. What do you think? Am I being mean? How should we solve this?

Answer 1

Two familes can't live together it will never work out. I don't how much you like each other you need your own place. The relationship between you and her will be much better without the stress of living together. You and he need to come to a decision together so there will be no problem about this later. Your not being mean at all you just want something that you can call your own and with your own home this is yours but living with someone else it is their's.

Answer 2

I'm sure that this is a very awkward situation for you. Everyone dreams and longs for the day that they find the place where they belong, and it sounds like you have done just that. I'm sure your in-laws mean well, and probably love you to death and feel that they have a daughter now as well as a son. Sounds like they are afraid they won't be number 1 in son's life any more, so they have a need to combine all relationships into one. The important thing is for you and your husband to agree on this subject. You have to pose a united front when talking with your in-laws for them to believe, and also give your husband the support he needs to talk to them.. It is his place to tell them that you and he are now a family, just as they became when they got married, and when families are formed, they become an independent entity, and raise their family with the love and nurture and help of grandparents from their home.... not under the same roof. Some parents are from the old country where sons married and brought brides home and all lived happily everafter. This is not what you want or what makes you happy. You and your husband together will handle this situation quite nicely and I wish for you a bright and happy future.

Answer 3

I don't see a problem moving closer to your in-laws, if you get along well with them, and if it's something both you and your husband want to do.

Under NO circumstances however, should you move out of wherever you are living now, just for the sole purpose of living closer to them, especially if you happen to like where you are living.

Also, unless you have an actual need...
DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THEM!
You and your husband, and your in-laws
are 2 separate generations, which means separate ways of living, thinking, and doing things.

You're not being mean because you want to do your own thing,....that's perfectly normal.

You and your husband should sit them down and tell them that although you appreciate their very generous offer, that you will have to decline.
Let them know that you and your husband don't wish to cramp their style or yours, and hat as a couple starting out, it's important that you have your own space. Also let them know that you'll be by for plenty of visits. You might also want to tell your mother-in-law that you like the idea of maintaining your own place, because it will give you the opportunity to entertain her and your
father-in-law, and that you would like to have them to dinner as a way to thank her for all that she has done for you. Then you might try asking her about her favorite recipes. ;-)

If they see that what you're saying is coming from a good place, you should have no problem with them. After all, they were a young couple once, you just need to gently remind them of that.

Good Luck~*

Answer 4

I know what you mean, My husband and I live in the same state and His parents, His sister and brother live far away. We sold our 3 bedroom town house and bought a 3 bedroom house 2 years ago. We gave the in laws a chance to be with us on the mortgage but they did not want to. We had decided that they would pay us $800 month and split the ulities bills, They are retired military so they agreed to buy the food.... For the first year in half we received $700 and nothing for utilities.... I finally had my husband talk to them and tell they the deal we had was not what was happening.... They agreed to give us $175 more a month but not to split the utilities..... Which was better than nothing...
Anyway the reason we decided to let them live with us is... Eventually we will have to take care of them when they are too old to live alone, and its better to have them in the house now rather than try to figure something out later.... It works out pretty good.... I hope this helps

Answer 5

You don't explain why they want you to move in, but I can't imagine why anyone would think you are being unreasonable. You have a right to your own space and life with your husband. I guess the bright side of it is you have in-laws who care enough about you to want to be around you. From some of the questions I read, it seems like most are dealing with the opposite problem. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 6

Based on what you are expressing...it shouldn't even be a question. Do not live with them or even that close to them.

What is your husband's view? Is he willing to respect your wishes? If it isn't financially necessary, then it isn't normal for married couples to live with their parents or in-laws. It often isn't healthy to live so close that it's too convenient. This sounds like an attempt by the in-laws to maintain some form of control over their son's life. If he isn't on your side with this, you have a real problem. Make it very clear what the in-laws want is not an option to you and he "should" agree with you and understand.

Answer 7

Just tell them like you told it here. I would be the same way as you wanting to be on my own with my new husband. Two families can't get along in the same house even though they love each other. I am glad that you now have a place to call your own. Much happiness to you.

Answer 8

"DON'T DO IT"
And tell your husband I said so and why!!!!

If you move in with or even closer to your in-laws, your life as you know it is HISTORY!!!!
Your mom-in-law will take over her son, and your children, and you will virtually cease to exist. I know this from experience... The best thing we ever did was move AWAY (350 miles).
Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws very much, but mom's-in-law and daughter's-in-law should NEVER live closer than 100 miles from each other.
If you didn't have a choice (like financially) then there isn't much you can do, but try your hardest to not be so close to your husbands family...PLEASE!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Just tell your in-laws that you and your husband want to have your own space to start your own family and get to know each other. You can live next door to someone and still not be close, just as you can be married and still be lonely. Why do they want you so close? You should do what you want, not what they want. It is your life.

Answer 10

No, it makes perfect sense. I don't even like to stay with mine when we visit. I need some privacy and some down time.

If you can afford it, have your own place. Explain to them that you love them and they are your family, etc. but that you need your own space and it will make your relationship even better. However, it is your husband's job to put his foot down and insist and to make this clear to them, not you, especially if you feel strongly about it. Sometimes, you just have to be nice and polite but insist on what's best for you, even though they are trying to be helpful and so forth.