I grew up with my stepdad taking the role of dad in my life when i was 5-14. My dad is a cokehead (aka useless). Well, my stepdad was the perfect father, everyone always told me how lucky I was to have him as a dad. I heard that 24/7 until i was 14, when it came out he had been sexually abusing me since i was 8. After 2 years of waiting, he was sentanced. He pleaded guilty, & after totally messing up me, & my family, he got 50 yrs in prison....with 48 suspended. He got out about 2 weeks ago, and my mother is still madley love with him (long story, to pretty much sum it up she thinks i'm a wh0re, and it was my fault, i know it wasn't, but w/e) He still talks to my mom 24/7, & they have a preteen kid together.So, to sum this up,i live in a small town,& am really afraid of runnin into him somewhere, and not bein n control of the situation. should i go to where he is,confront him, and tell him to stay away from my fam,or wait till i run into him randomly and start dying inside again?
2006-07-09 05:35:59 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
i've been through therapy, and i haven't necessarily "gotten over" everything, but i've come to terms with it, but the thing i am afraid of is he is very charismatic, and everyone automatically loves him, thats y everyone was duped before. oh, and there isn't anyone else in my family (that my mom hasn't alienated us from, they took my side and she hasn't spoken to them since).
2006-07-09 05:42:06 · update #1
He isn't allowed to be around anyone under 18 (he's living in a motel), or me, but he has a weird thing for breaking the rules,and never getting caught (he almost got away with everything, because only one person truly believed me, since i was just a "troubled teen". Because of that one police officers nagging he agreed to take a lie detector test, he failed the test horribly, and confessed to everything), i didn't even tell about the abuse on my own accord, it was brought out after noone could really figure out why i was being so rebellious/self-loathing.
I appreciate everyone for being so compassionate and helpful.
2006-07-09 06:13:05 · update #2
It sounds like you should try to stay away, as your mom is still in his life and will probably try to convince you one way or another to let it go, which you should not. If your mom wants to act like an immature teenybopper, that's her choice, but you don't have to let her make your decisions.
If she chooses to let him in her life after HE WENT TO JAIL BECAUSE HE PLEADED GUILTY, well, that sums up her feelings for you- she DOES NOT RESPECT NOR CARE ABOUT YOU.
So, try to get away. If you have family elsewhere, go stay with them until you can get on your own. If you can get on your own, do it. But DO NOT let this go because your mom can't grow up and realize she is being totally selfish. You don't have to do anything- you were abused, and it is now up to them to make any moves.
I would definitely go to the police and ask what you can do about the fact that your mom still wants him around and you are afraid of seeing him. I think she is breaking the law, but I don't know. I believe you can get a restraining order, with little or no cost, if you go to a county courthouse. Usually, you'll fill out some forms and see a judge. The judge will have you explain on record why you want it, and will grant a temporary one for a week or so, then you can make it permanent. This will prevent him from coming anywhere near you, and if he does, just pick up the phone and he'll be in jail.
You need to let them take responsibility for what they did and you need to let yourself go on. It wasn't your fault, and your mom's behaviour shows she isn't responsible enough to make good decisions about any of this, so don't worry about her opinion.
You must take care of yourself.
2006-07-09 05:50:51 · answer #1 · answered by teachingazteca 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hello
I am sorry this has happened to you. By the tine lime you have explained you are over eighteen now. You can choose to be a survivor. I know it hurts the worse because you feel your own mother has betrayed you. This is common that a mother will go into denial. Your mother may have gone through a similiar experience herself and you may never know because most molestations go unreported. You must go on with your life and leave yestereday behind. As long as this situation lives inside of you, you are still a victiim. The world loves survivor stories not victims He has no power over you now, except the hurt from your mothers betrayel. That is your mothers burden, when she is no longer a victim and becomes a survivor. They have another child, which it bothers be that you are not concerned that the preteen will not be abused. Are you angry at the preeteen. If you have a relationship with the child, then ask the child if he/or she has been confronted by him. He sounds like a pedafile. I hope the other child is safe. You have a sad story, but one life. I hope you find the faith and strength to crawl from the reckage and survive. God Bless
2006-07-09 06:01:09 · answer #2 · answered by soccergarysw 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you should talk to a professional. You obviously have a lot to unload. Secondly, no... I would not talk to him. You never know what this guy will do. Besides, you don't need to be opening up any can of worms or letting out the skeletons from your closet - a door that is hopefully closed for good. I would get a restraining order, though, which is only about $50.00... that way he can't come near you again or it's automatic jail time (unless that was predetermined in the trial). Lastly, I would honestly think of moving. All you may need is a fresh start. You sound old enough to be out on your own... go see the world and have an adventure! Living is the best medicine to combat such deep pains. And staying active will keep you from going mad.
2006-07-09 05:41:46 · answer #3 · answered by fragglerockqueen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my lordy! You should confront your father AND mother! What a total b*tch! No offence, but what kind of mother would think that of her child! And how can she love a man that abused you! You should leave your home! Do you have a relative? I live in a small town, too so I know how often you do run into people. Tell your mom how you feel! That is horrible! Tell a trusted adult your situation, like a teacher or a friend's parent, etc. You should leave your house! There are better things out there! You don't deserve to be treated like that! I feel so bad for you!
Good luck and God Bless!
2006-07-09 05:48:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's pretty messed up. First, since I'm a real nasty sucker when hurt, I would drop an anonymous line to the child welfare department where you are and let them know that a child predator is living with an underage child and that child might be in danger of sexual predation. That will keep your step'dad' looking over his shoulder once they pay that household a visit.
Next, I would get into therapy. Confrontation isn't for everyone. You need to figure out what will work best for you, either confrontation or releasing the past to the past.
Good luck and blessed be.
2006-07-09 05:41:16 · answer #5 · answered by yodeladyhoo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to your closest district attorney and seek advice on your situation. If you have the funds then you need to get peace bond against him and stay away from him. No confrontation with him will erase the past. The courts have already passed judgement on him and he's served his time even though it may not seem like it was enough for him. Your mothers life is her own. You can't control her life, but you can control yours. Move away if you have to, but what's necessary is for you to get on with your life and try and bury the past and have a family of your own and go to church, teach your children good ways, Marry a good man that you can live a long life with and both of you can take care of each other. Focus on the good things that you can accomplish to make your life better and your childrens. Don't drink in front of your kids, or smoke. They'll take up your habits. I know, because I've seen it over and over again and again. Love your children. Don't be afraid to hug them and tell them you love them. Life is what you want to make it from here on. Love yourself and respect yourself and then you can get on with your life. Simple. Good Luck. I was abused as a child. Even younger than you were. I was beaten and whipped. Sooo now at my age I look back and it's just a haze. Remember, God loves you.
2006-07-09 05:54:43 · answer #6 · answered by LARRY P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need some outside help to work through this. Why is a sexual offender being allowed around this preteen...talk to the police. prepare yourself to "run into him", so that you are not caught unaware. Of course none of this is your fault. Going to where he is is a mistake, get a restraining order to help you feel more in control. My guess is he is on parole, so any thing he does will slam him back to jail. Get on your computer look up registered sex offenders, and find his name...print 100 copies with a picture of him if you can. Quietly get some friends together and post them everywhere, especially where he lives and hangs out. If he is not registered I would demand to know why. If that is the case go to your court house and get transcripts, post that. Call all schools in your area and notify them that they have a sex offender in the area.....that's how you begin to get back control. Once you were a child now you're a woman, once you were a victim, now you are a survivor, you can change the course of who is in control, him or you...you decide.
2006-07-09 05:49:28 · answer #7 · answered by curious115 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe your mother is still with this asshole.If it was me,I would have confronted the sick bastard with a bat.Tell as many people you can in your town what he did to you.Make sure you tell some grown men,one of them will see him out somewhere and probably confront him for you.Whats his name?Put up annonymous warning signs about him,on the door of your local bar,on his front yard,everywhere you can.The prick should have done all 50 years,then he would have been in a real jail and I'm sure the inmates would have dealt with him.Inform child protective services about what you went through and that he is around a preteen child.My opinion is that any adult male who commits sexual offences against a child should face mandatory castration.
2006-07-09 05:57:04 · answer #8 · answered by MrBudbag 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first thing's first, get a restraining order. then, if he does run into you, back off to jail he goes (where everyone is better off) and i'm pretty sure he's on probation based on serving that much time. i know how you feel about being worried about his preteen daughter! my bio father molested me when i was three and four, but he pled nolo contendre and i wasn't emotionally able at that age to go on the witness stand. back then, i couldn't have my mom in the courtroom with me! just my counselor! so i didn't do it, everyone decided it would be in my best interest not to face any more trauma. my mother had him sign over his parental rights in lieu of child support and put a restraining order until i was 18. i have a half sister, at least one that i know of, who should be about 12 or 13 now, i've never met her, but i am so scared for her! unfortunately, in situations like this, the law (as much as people would like to believe otherwise) does little or nothing to help. even though he is a "convicted" sex offender, he was still allowed to reproduce and never even went to prison! i'm pretty sure i could find him if i wanted, but prefer not to. i would probably end up killing him... your best bet, as much as it sounds like no fun, and seems unfair since its not your fault, would be to move away, at least into the next county. i wouldn't advise getting your mother involved in knowing where you are, she never protected you and would more than likely take his side and tell him where you are. i know it sounds extremely harsh, but it just might be your best bet at the moment, go somewhere far enough where you don't have the risk of running into him accidentally, and try to make your mind think he's still in prison... so that you can get on with your life. he's already hurt you enough, don't let him run your life now too.
2006-07-09 05:46:14 · answer #9 · answered by Some Lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I need to congratulate you for having the courage to tell on him at the age of 14. Your mother is twisted, this man took advantage of you and she still wants to be with him!! I would kick him in the ***! HOW DESPERATE CAN YOU MOTHER BE! I think that your mother is sick too!! You will never know what it truly feels like to have your 'first time'. When someone has sex for the first time it should be a mutual things in which 2 people are madly in love with one another and they want to express their love in another way. I say that you should confront this man but take someone else with you (preferably a man). It will make you feel a lot better! Tell him exactly how you feel!
2006-07-09 05:47:22 · answer #10 · answered by meme1972 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋