Step son is terrible!?

Question

My five year old step son is awful. He will be six in a couple months. He still pees on himself during the day. He is mean to our two year old. He pinches him and bruises him when they are in the play room alone together. If his dad is gone he refuses to listen to me. When I was pregnant with our son he tried to kick me in the stomach. The worst thing is his mother. They had lived in homeless shelters here and there all the little boys life. She wouldn't just leave him with us because she hates me since me and his dad are together. (Now they have an apartment, by the way she has 4 other kids besides him) One time the two boys were in the tub together and my step son was playing with my two year olds butt. I of course stopped him, but this scared me a lot. What should I do? Could the constant peeing on himself mean he was molested in one of the homeless shelters that he stayed in? HELP.

They are not taking baths together anymore.

Answer 1

He is this way because of the environment he grew up in not having anything steady in his life such as a home. He needs to have counseling to get his life straight and once he starts getting things steady in his life he might straighten up with the peeing on himself another reason he might be doing this is like you said molestation but also it could be his way of getting attention if you ignore it and just prompt him to change once and then if he does not ignore it he will eventually hate smelling like pee. With the little one he does this because he is jealous of him having attention from both parents and having something steady in his life he needs to be watched to keep your child out of danger and when he does good given praise such as your being so good or your such a good big brother instead of all the negatives because the more attention he gets by being negative the more he is going to do this because this gets him attention. Along with Praise maybe you could reward such as if you play good with your brother for a hour or 1/2 hr then you will be able to have a piece of candy or a jelly bean and this might help him with being good. I would suggest him not taking a bath with him again.

Answer 2

That is a good point you made, him peeing on himself possibly meaning sexual abuse. Yes it could mean that but it also could just be a way to get attention. Tell your husband that this is a serious problem that wont go away by ignoring it. His dad needs to take the child to a counselor. If the child is in school then you could talk to the school counselor for free about him, well not you the DAD has to do it.
Sit down with your step son alone and ask him why he hits your child. Explain to him that this child is HIS brother/sibling and that the little brother will grow up looking up to him. Explain to him nicely that "dont you want your baby brother to love you. Hitting him wont make him love you."
Keep the kids seperated until he starts treating the child better. If he continues not to treat the child better then you need to stop having your husband's child over when he isnt home. Tell your husband that he either takes steps to improve the situation or the child can't stay there when your husband is away. Period. You need to protect your 2 yr old.

Answer 3

The step son has problems which can steem from all different thing. He could be doing this as a way to recieve attention from you and his dad. He might think your son is taking his dad away and that he is scared his dad wont like him anymore. Your step son might be doing this as it is happening to him at his mothers house/flat. Have you ever got your hubby to talk to his ex and tell her what is happening at yours and see if it is happening there and maybe you all could take the little boy to see some to find out why he is like this. It could be from all the different homes he has been in and scared that its going to happen to him again. Jealousy is another thing that jumps to mind, give him loads of attention then he is with you and your hubby so that he knows that coming to see you three he gets lots of love and attention ( the right attention). Child love attention even if its the wrong attention. He could also be wetting himself to get attention from you two in a way. No one knows whats doing on in this little boys head. The mother could be the reason as she has moved him so many time or it could be his brothers and sisters. Maybe you could speak to a health visitor or doctor and see what they think is the best for this little boy. You obviously love this child in some way otherwise you would not be asking questions about how you can get help and I think this is great as some one has hope for him. I hope I have helped in some way. Good Luck

Answer 4

It is my opinion that constant peeing on himself means that he feels somewhat insecure. I have a step-son also and he used to suck his thumb a lot. He still sucked it until he was 13. His mother now has nothing to do with him and she only lives about a half hour away. She doesn't call him or anything. She doesn't even call on his birthday. I am not sure if he quit becuase he got older or becuase we used to tell him to stop ever time we saw him sucking his thumb which usually happened at night.

As far as him not listening to you when his dad is not there I suggest that you tell his dad this and have his dad tell him in front of you that when he's not there he is to listen and mind you and yes this will happen from time to time and he will have to be reminded that if he doesn't listen to you then there will be consequences. Hope this helps I think I know how you feel.

Answer 5

You need to pull his Father in more. Seek out help for your step son together. If this were my step son, and his mother lived in homeless shelters and such,( and was given child support,) I'd sue her for full custody. The boy obviously needs professional counseling. Him peeing on himself can mean so many things, please for the safety of both your children and your marriage and sanity do something. Try to get full custody, talk to his Father, limit the time he spends with his little brother, and always supervise them!! He's a had a lot of changes in his young life and that alone could "mess with his head a little" and make him act out.

Answer 6

I have yet to find a child with a deficating problem that wasnt related to some sort of abuse.

I nannied an 8 year old who would poop his pants regularly. Eventually he started holding smaller children at knife point (knives he stole from school and friends houses) when ever they were alone in his room or at friends houses. He was very troubled, buts he's coming out of it now, and seems to be almost as good as new.

There are many reasons why a child would wet himself. Sickness, infection, abuse, molestation, neglect... Its hard to pin point it without knowing the child.

This is also a situation where he's been programmed by his mother to hate you and your son. This isnt the natural behavior of a child, jealousy, anger, disapointment, all these things are normal, but the violence and raw hatered has been cultivated in him. Either knowingly or not, by his mother and siblings, and possibly even by his father and you without realizing it.

Its hard to have a clear cut plan for fixing this, since it will be a one step forward nine steps back dance between your family and his mother.

I would start by sending your child to some family members home as often as you can for a while whenever the 5 year old is over. Right now this child needs one on one time with his dad, and with you. not so much to win him over, but to really assess the situation, and try to see what all he's expressing to you. Even a sneaky child is easy to read. Behaviors are results of actions, once you know what those actions were you can know how best to undo them.

There is obviously a complete lack of parenting on the half of his mother, and that alone creates a very insecure angry child, simply because it doesnt understand or reconize love, and it doesnt know whats expected of it. Thats a very frightening place for a child.

Start with trying to talk to him alone. Take him out, spend some special time with him. chit chat about nothing, see what all he has to say.

he's a scared insecure child, expressing all that victimization with hatred and anger. Its normal for his situation, but not for a child in general. he needs love and attention, and people willing to see him through his problems.

Also, see about setting him up with some counseling while he's in your care. It will be well worth it, any major issues he has will be documented, which is important in cases of abuse and neglect.

Answer 7

First of all, you and your husband should try to get custody of him! If they are in and out of homeless shelters, that is NO life for a child! Who cares if she hates you! Your husband needs to step up and give his son a life he deserves! She obviously can't handle "life". Next you need to get that boy into some professional counseling! He obviously has some serious issues that need to be dealt with!
Do NOT leave him alone with your son! I would even go as far as to tell him if he is going to be mean to hi, he is not allowed to play with him at all, and he has to play by himself until he learns to be nice to him. Give him lots of love, and always praise him when he does good! Most important would be getting him out of the situation he is in with his mother, and counseling! Good luck!

Answer 8

The child has probably heard from his mother that you are nothing but bad and sadly that your own child is also evil and so he is lashing out. His lack of love and attention that he has received living on the street and with a mother that has probably given him nothing to this point has made him do the things he is doing. The peeing on himself is just a cry for attention. He is doing the mean things to your child to get you to yell at him or do what ever his real mother does because that is his idea of love and affection. I being a single father had to deal with the same when I took custody of all my kids. My only advice is to never yell at him and you need to teach him what real love and affection is. He hates you because his real mother hates you. Sad but small children learn from example at that age.

Answer 9

I would suggest having him evaluated by a pediatrician. He could have issues stemming from his prior lifestyle or he could have some other issues. And now while he is still quite young is the time to work towards ways to correct some of the concerns you have. Hopefully it is nothing, he could just be rebelling against being separated from his mom. Lots of kids test the waters with step parents to see how far they can go. So you and his dad need to work together. But get him evaluated first and take it from there.

Answer 10

All are possibilities.
Sounds like the little one is feeling left out and is acting out to get attention.
Have you thought of getting a babysitter for you baby, and spending a little one on one time with the trouble child.
When you are all together you need to start implementing a routine like time outs and taking away things he likes, definitely start the time out for when he does things that he knows he shouldn't.

Also remember little children are curious and I don't think they should be taking baths together at any time. They need their own space to play and get clean, and you can start by using bath time for you and him time, You can even set the baby in a car seat in the bathroom while the other takes a bath.

You need to make it so that he knows who the adult is and that they are the children, give him some choices in some activities that he does help with around the house, sounds like he has to much time on his own where he isn't getting adults to show and tell him its not okay.
good luck