there was an american,a frechman and an englishman.these people said to them 'go into the forest and pick 10 of the same fruit each' so the american comes back with ten apples and they tell him 'shove those 10 apples up your butt without making any facail expression or we'll kill you!' so he pops up in heaven screaming 'OWW!' the frenchman walks back with 10 berrys. The people say 'shove those 10 berrys up your butt without making any facial exppression or we'll kill you!' so he pops up in heaven next to the american, laughing his head off.
'why did you laugh?!'the american asked him 'you were almost done!you could've lived!' so he tells him,
'because i saw the englishman walk in with ten pineapples!'
2006-07-09 04:13:37 · 14 answers · asked by ♥āngelic♥děmon♥ 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
two blonds went to see a movie. They drove to the cinema in a convertible.
After the movie, they came out but couldt find the car key.
The searched and then realised they had locked it into the car.
They stood there thinking for a while when one of them decided to try opening the lock with a coat hanger.
She tried and tried but didnt manage.
The other blonde was standing next to the car, looking up at the sky in a worried way. Then she said:
"Come on, hurry up, its gonna rain and we left the top down!"
Here's another blond one:
A blond goes to a electric store and looks around, then tells the assistant (service guy): "I want to buy that TV"
The assistant goes: I'm sorry, we dont sell to blonds.
The next day, te blond comes back as a brunette. She tells the guy: "I want to buy that TV!"
The assistant goes: "I'm sorry, we dont sell to blonds."
The day after that, the blond comes back as a red head. She tells the assistant: "I want to buy that TV."
The assistant goes: "I'm sorry, we dont sell to blonds."
The blond is very annoyed now and says: "I have come in as a brunette. AND i have come in as a red head. Now why do you know I'm a blonde?"
The assistant goes: "Because that's not a TV, its a microwave."
2006-07-09 04:38:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening.
They turned on a night light, turned on the phone answering machine, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the
bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", he says as they drive away. "Stupid ***** was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat *** downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"
The cabdriver hit a parked car...
2006-07-09 05:14:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
99 blondes and a brunette were on a plane and the pilot said we need to lose weight or we're going to crash. The brunette and blondes chucked the seats out the window and the pilot said we need to lose more weight. They unscrewed the floor and were dangling from the roof when the pilot said - one more person and the blondes pointed to the brunette. The brunette did a most fantastic, emotional speech and when she finished the blondes started clapping and fell of the plane. :D best i can do :D
2006-07-09 06:35:05 · answer #3 · answered by Fell Down The Rabbit Hole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there were 2 guys working on a bilding a Aussie & a Itanan every day at lunch time they would sit together and eat there lunch one day the Itanan man said to the Aussie guy i got pasta again dam if i get pasta once more i am going to jump off this bilding the Aussie guy looked in his lunch box and said oh vegimete sangger if i get this again i am going to jump to. the next day at lunch time both men look at there lunch and then jump off the bilding together. later that day the police told the mens wifes why they had jumped the itanan wife said with a cry if only he had told me he didn't want pasta for lunch i wouldn't of gave it to him the police man looked at the aussie mans wife and she said don't look at me he made his own bloody lunch.
2006-07-09 04:31:18 · answer #4 · answered by red_hot_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LMAO
ha ha ha funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i've heard that before but the Englishman came back with 10 watermelons
2006-07-09 04:54:26 · answer #5 · answered by Gigi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a man walks into the pub as he walks in there is a cigarette machine on the wall and they say to him "what the f#*k do you want you scruffy ugly b'std pi#s off" the guy carries on to past a bowl of peanuts which says to him "good evening sir i hope you enjoy your time in this pub and may i say how splendid you look and handsome too!" the guy a little freaked out goes to the barman to order his drink He tells the barman of his experience and the barman says " think i can explain"!.....(wait for it...........!)
...........................
..................
"well you see the peanuts are complimentary but the cigarette machine is totally out of order! heh heh
2006-07-09 04:34:30 · answer #6 · answered by mark d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firm It Up
One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.
2006-07-09 21:34:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
who r 'these people' that told them to shove things up their butts!!! i am intrigued to know!! sick bleeders if u ask me!!
Very good joke. I have many better ones, but cant be bothered to type them!
2006-07-09 04:19:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids doing housework!! Dude thats Funny sh**!!
2006-07-10 04:31:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
two guys walk into a bar, and the third one ducks!
HAHA get it??
2006-07-09 04:30:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋