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My Daughter, 18 1/2, doesn't understand my anger that she leaves "to go for a drive" at 9 PM and returns, this morning, at 5 AM. No word from her, no responses to messages on her cell phone. I don't particularly WANT to throw her out, but how do I get across the concept of "House Rules" for my "Star Boarder"? This is a recurring incident, she is also Unemployed, but supposedly looking for work. I am a divorced father of 2, her and her 14 year old Sister, thier Mother is not in the picture at all.

2006-07-09 02:35:04 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Family

It is her car, which she bought with her money ($87) after she wrecked the one I bought her, (3 days later)

2006-07-09 02:44:40 · update #1

I marked a date on the calendar a month ago, of July 21st, as her drop dead date to get a Full Time Job or get out, it seems she keeps stretching the envelope more as that date approaches.

2006-07-09 03:56:23 · update #2

25 answers

need to tell her she has to live by your rules or she's out, and stick to it.

2006-07-09 02:38:31 · answer #1 · answered by daveohio1234 1 · 0 0

Put a stop to it now! If you don't you'll go crazy with worry. It gets worse before it gets better she's coming in at 5 am wait until it's 5am of next week. Or when they start bringing a guy home. For some reason when one of the parents is absent the oldest child seems to think their the other "head of household" and keep expecting not to have any responsibilities but to do what they want without any consideration to any family values you might have had. And if you have other pre-teens and or teenagers lookout just me they are learning from her. Tell her she needs to start paying rent even if its $100.00 a month (you can always save it for her without her knowing) and that if she doesn't get a job she'll have to move out. don't give her any money to run around on. Demand RESPECT for you and your home. You;ll be doing her a great justice by not allowing her to go on not being responsible the faster she learns the easier life will be on her.

2006-07-09 03:09:31 · answer #2 · answered by eyesad2 1 · 0 0

How does she get the money to pay for the gas that she has to have for the car? If you give it to her, stop. Does she do any work around the house at all? She needs to learn that she has a responsibility there too around the house, if she is going to live there. If she can't follow house rules, then she needs a place to live other than there. If she is not working anywhere, where in the heck does she go from 9pm to 5am, what is she doing? Is she up to no good at all? Sorry but no decent female is going to be out at that time of the night, unless she has a real job, and I do mean a real job, not..........

2006-07-09 03:00:32 · answer #3 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0 0

Unfortunately my friend it sounds like there are a few issues here. One is that she does not respect you. That's a big problem, one I can't answer for you as I have 3 daughters of my own and I struggle with this as well. However, my girls are not as old as yours so I can only advice you of what I would do in your shoes. She's legally an adult so if she's not in school she needs to find decent work before she's out all hours of the night. She lives in your house, you have a right to know where she is going and who she is with. Tell her that this activity is unacceptable and it needs to stop. If she does not listen you have no choice but to pack up here stuff and have her move out. No bluffing, you need to go through with this. Try to deal with this issue with love not anger. Remember, your 14 year old is watching all this. Handle this properly and she won't wind up the same way at 18.
Good luck..
"Treasure Life"

2006-07-09 02:47:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Actively go looking for a job for her, Let her know that responsible adults who have jobs or are looking for them, are not out during those hours. Give her no money and tell her now that she's old enough to make her own curfews she's old enough to take on a job.She can't have her cake and eat it too. Either she's an adult or child.
Give her no money. It will get old real fast. When i was a teen I pushed my limits as far as I could because I knew could get away with it. It started by extendind my curfew by 15, then an 1/2 hr. then 2 hours and so on.Once you make a rule don't go back on it. She will love you later for it. Good Luck

2006-07-09 02:57:43 · answer #5 · answered by dancerbanner 2 · 0 0

Congratulations for stepping up to the bat and raising two daughters. Its not an easy task. You need to make your daughter understand that it is completely disrespect full and thoughtless of her to go out all night and leave you sitting at home worrying when the horrible phone call will come that something has happened to her. She need to understand that you dont want to run or rule her life but you refuse to be held prisoner to someone who thinks only of herself. At 18 she needs to learn to be responsible. That doesn't mean doing what you want all the time, it means that she thinks of others and her responsibilities to others too. If she cant get it straight and have a little compassion for a worrying dad then maybe its time she was really on her own.

2006-07-09 02:44:03 · answer #6 · answered by tw 2 · 0 0

It might be her car but it is your house and your rules. She is totally disrespecting her father. She doesn't take you seriously because she knows you wont throw her out. Tell her if she can't abide by your rules she can go live wherever it is she goes til 5AM. When my son graduated highschool he thought he could do as he pleased. Nope. We extended curfew but we still had rules. He didn't like it. We explained our side of staying up worrying and wondering if he was ok. He thought he was a man now so he could act like one. We told him we had paid his last auto insurance. It ran out in 5 months. That was his biggest incentive. He got a job and eventually moved in with a friend. We helped a little for about a year but he is now asst mngr of a private store and has bought a home and married. Sometimes the little birds need a nudge out of the nest. Either they are too scared to fly or just like the nest. They need our help to grow. m

2006-07-09 03:22:18 · answer #7 · answered by Mache 6 · 0 0

That's not fair at all to you, she doesn't seem to realize that you're sitting at home worried about her when she doesn't call home. Besides, it's common courtesy to let you know where she's going and to answer your messages on her cell phone.

Explain to her WHY it's important for her to contact you, so that you won't be worried about her.
She may be almost 19, but if she's not supporting herself and you are, then your house rule's stand. Remind her as well that she's setting a bad example for her 14 yr. old sister.

There's no point in getting into a screaming match over this, she'll just tune you out, so both of you sit down and calmly explain to her why it's wrong.

All the best to you.

2006-07-09 02:46:02 · answer #8 · answered by sewhalen 3 · 0 0

i have also been in a simialer sitution with my daughter, it was the hardest thing i have ever done,she would leave all hours of the night, not knowing where or when he would be home, i finally listened to my mom, she told me as hard as it was tell her if she can't live by the rules she will have to move out, and i did , it was a hard thing to do but, when she realized what it was like in the real world, with no home, no food, no family, she came around, and realized what she had wasn't so bad. now she is doing good. she has a beautiful son that is 11/2. and has grow up a lot.

2006-07-09 02:49:00 · answer #9 · answered by julialng 2 · 0 0

who pays the bills? why does she need the cell phone if she doesn't use it to call in.
"star boarder" ? why should you expect anything from a "star"?
sounds like "your" problem started along time ago. Don't be surprised if the 14 year old does the same thing or is already doing something that is not appropriate.
It is YOUR HOUSE.....remember that! Be tough but with lots of love.

2006-07-09 02:51:22 · answer #10 · answered by sisrose 2 · 0 0

Yep, once you put your foot down, then stand by it. If you give her an inch, she'll take a mile. It is your house, she needs to go by your rules.....or simply leave. She's an adult now, and responsible for her own actions. It also seems that she's not a very good role model for her other sibling. So if you're lenient on her, then wait until the next one comes of age. Best of luck........

2006-07-09 09:09:56 · answer #11 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0 0

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