What is your all time favorite joke?

Question

Heres mine,
Farmer Jones had some pigs but no boar so he called his friend Farmer Brown who did have a boar and asked if he could use the boar to breed his pigs. Farmer Brown said, "Sure load them all on the truck and bring them down." So on the truck went all the litte girl piggies. At the end of the day, after the boar had satisfied each little piggie, Jones asked Brown how he would know if the piggies were pregnant. Brown said, "Look out the window tomorrow a.m. and see if they are rolling in the grass or rolling in the mud. If they are rolling in the grass they are pregnant, if they are rolling in the mud it didn't. Keep bringing them down til they are pregnant" Well, this went on for 2 weeks, onto the truck, off to see the boar. Finally one day Farmer Jones asked the Mrs. to look out the window to see what they were doing, He said, "Are they rolling in the grass or the mud." She said "Neither, they are all on the back of the truck and one is honking the horn."

Answer 1

Well, my favorite is much too disgusting to print here but this one is a close second:

Two aliens, one young "whippersnapper" and one old and very wise wise travel to Earth to look for some sort of intelligent life. They land their flying saucer just outside a roadside gas station in the middle of the night.

Upon debarking their craft, the eldest alien says, "Be quiet, watch, and learn".

They then proceed to a gas pump where the wise alien commands, "Take me to your leader". The young alien looks a bit nervous, but says nothing.

Agitated that the gas pump did not respond, the wise alien puts his hand on his incinerator hand gun and commands, "Take me to your leader"! The young alien is now quite worried but still says nothing.

Now the wise alien pulls out his incinerator hand gun and says, "Take me to your leader or die"!

"Ah, sir? I wouldn't talk to this Earthling like that", says the young alien.

"Quiet" shouts the wise alien and he pulls the trigger on his incinerator hand gun.

BANG, POW, the gas station explodes throwing the aliens nearly 400 yards away!

Shaking off the dust and rising to his feet the elder asks the young alien, "How did you know not to mess with that particular Earthling"?

"Well, sir, I may not know much, but what I do know is this. If a man has a penis so large that he has to drape it over his shoulder and stick it in his ear to carry it, you just DON'T MESS WITH HIM".

Answer 2

A soldier was out-processing from the Army. When a man from the Secret Service asked him if he would like to join the Secret Service. The soldier said sure. They go to an office,where there are a handful of other soldiers who were given the same opportunity. They were all told, in a few minutes your interview will begin. You will line up in a line. You will be given a handgun. You will go in the door in Front of you, one at a time. You will shoot the person in that room. When you are done, you will have finished, and be accepted for the job. Good luck.
The first soldier is given a handgun, he goes in the door. Silence. Everyone is waiting. A few minutes goes by. The soldier come out in tears. He says, I can't do it. That is my wife.
The Agent tells him he is worthless, and to leave.
A second soldier is handed a handgun and marches through the door. A few minutes go by. He too, comes out shaken. The soldier told the agent, that is the mother of my children, I can't do this. He is called worthless, by the agent and dismissed.
A third soldier is given a handgun, goes through the door. Six shots are fired in rapid succession, a woman is heard screaming, along with furniture breaking. Then Silence.
Out comes the soldier, uniform blood spattered, breathing heavily, he says, You sent me in there with a gun loaded with blanks, I had to beat her to death with a chair!!

Answer 3

God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 4

i am not good at telling jokes but this is really funny if i can tell it right....well there was this woman whose husband always wanted to have sex in the dark...this went on for years.. one day the woman had enough of this and thought she would turn on the light...and then man had a big penis in his hand.. the woman says i am so ashamed and i want you to explain your self right now... well the man says i will explain this if you explain where all the children came from...it is really funny if i could tell a joke like it was told to me...

Answer 5

These two cannibals were eating a clown and the one cannibal turns to the other cannibal and says "Does this taste funny to you"

Answer 6

Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walken

(It's not my favorite, but I almost peed when I first heard it.)

Answer 7

What do a Texas tornado and a Oklahoma divorce have in comon?

Someone is about to lose a @^&#% trailer....

Answer 8

Lol i like the one about the woman and her husband!

Answer 9

What do you call a Prostitute in Afghanistan? Tally-Ho (ha-ha-ha)

Answer 10

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
You just said it.