When do I know the time is right to marry my girlfriend?

Question

Ive been with her for 7 years since I was 17, and get the feeling I should be moving on a bit. We`ve lived together for 3 years and all is well, i just a bit scared i think!

Answer 1

You've been together 7 years and now you're scared ? You have made a big commitment as it is. You have been together for a long time. Living with eachother for 3 years. Marriage is just a paper. A last name change. If your scared wait until your not. Don't rush for the sake of rushing. Take your time and when your really ready for the leap take it. But don't rush your young. Be happy with what you have and how it's going. One step at a time. One day at a time. One day you'll be ready and then you can ask her to marry.

Answer 2

U should only get married because it feel right, if u are having to decide on this then u really aren't ready.
U haven't said anything about love, trust commitment, understanding etc. Is she the most important thing in Ur life???? When u love someone and u want to share the rest of Ur life with that person u maybe a little nervous on the day but not scared before the wedding day is even set!!!!!
Its great that u haven't just rushed into it coz then u could be another divorced couple in another 7 years (if u lucky to last that long)
If Ur partner is happy the way u r, n u r, y change it............... surely not just because u feel u should be moving on a bit !!!!!!!!

Answer 3

When you ask her and she says "Yes". The TWO of you BOTH have to be extremely clear on this issue. It is so very not uncommon to live together and you are in a safety zone so to speak...and you wonder what the binding together with the civil procedure will do to your relationship. I am at odd ends here as I do not know when you want to get married, and the essential question...."Are you in love with each other...?"....see, loving someone and being "IN LOVE" are two completely different things. Now Do you feel that this love you know of is enough to sustain being together in matrimony? Is it that you have questions about your relationship being taken out of your safety zone and into a wedded bliss sort of thing? The truth is, it DOES change things. You may not noice them at frst. You have been together now 3 years? Sounds as though you are 25-ish..... how old is she? You do NOT have to change much as you ARE living together...which in some cases is enough. Now you want to make it legal so to speak. Does she feel the same way? OR...and I must ask you this....IF you are feelig about moving on a bit, do you have affections for another, are you still looking at others, or is she in fact the love of your life?
When in doubt...do NOT make a hasty decision.
I do not know yuor religious backround and if this has a play in it. Does it? It sounds to me that you took a leap of faith in asking here in the first place...and now the globe knows it by virtue of your question here.
Honey....what do YOU want? To be a husband? To begin a family? Is this the person whom you want to stay with in sickness and in health? You have time.......many would tell you "Don't".....my feeling is this....on the heels of being proposed to last nght infact.
By the way....my reply was "YES!" and in a few weeks we are to be married and it will be simple in cost, no reason for a big wedding for usee that is.....The reason that Isay this is this....
We are already living happlily ever after....and the marriage is simply sealing up everything. We had fallen in love well before we both realized it...as my best friend, and now to be my husband.
Are you , in your living together living happily ever after as of now?
There is a quote from Maya Angelou stating....."YOU did what you knew then, do what you know now...." ~ hence I am marrig my best friend i the world, the man of world, and now we will go forward.....it can be scary....dependingupon a plethora of things. ONLY YOU can answer this.....the real questin is ..."What do you want?" Polls and surveyss from total strangers such as I am to you will not create wedded bliss for you...for if the spark isn't already there, it may never be...as marriage does NOT solve that.
I see no problem....only a quandry.....so please ask yourself these things..at least take them on board....and I wish you both the best no matter what it is that you decide. Talk to HER. Your ultimate decsion will be between the both of you.......and yuo I have to say sound like one very romantic person. She is fortunate indeed to have you......take care.....and whatever you decide...it MUST be your decision.

Answer 4

You should know when the time is right. Do not wait to long. I was with my boyfried for almost 8 years and we talked about marrge all the time but he never asked and we became distant. I found a friend to spend time with and one thing lead to another and now becasue I have moved on he now wants to get married. I say it's to late--So if it's something you and she both want and you love eath other go for it. Good luck

Answer 5

Do you want to spend your freetime with her? Can you imagine having kids together, going to your children's graduations and weddings? Do you want to see her every day of your life, from now on? If the answer to any of these questions is no, it might be time to move on!

Don't get married just because you have been with someone for 7 years, one of my friends is in that situation now and she and her husband are miserable.

Answer 6

If it is true love, sure! Just get married.

NOW...


Is it true love?

Hunt (1975) suggests asking these revealing questions:

(1) Do I treat the other person as a person or a thing? If you go out with him/her because he/she is good looking (a "prize" to be with) or a way out (a ticket to the movies), that isn't love.

(2) Would you chose to spend the evening alone with him/her if there were no kissing, no touching, and no sex? If not, it isn't love.

(3) Are the two of you at ease and as happy alone as you are with friends? If you need other friends around to have a good time, it isn't love.

(4) Do you get along? If you fight and make up a lot, get hurt and jealous, tease and criticize one another, better be careful, it may not be love.

(5) Are you still interested in dating or secretly "messing around" with others? If so, you aren't in love.

(6) Can you be totally honest and open? If either or both of you are selfish, insincere, feel confined, or unable to express feelings, be cautious.

(7) Are you realistic? You should be able to admit possible future problems. If others (besides a parent) offend you by saying they are surprised you are still together, that you two seem so different, that they have doubts about your choice, better take a good look at this relationship.

(8) Are either of you much more of a taker than a giver? If so, no matter how well you like that situation now, it may not last.

(9) Do you think of the partner as being a part of your whole life? If so, and these dreams seem good, that is an indication of love.


It is sometimes hard to tell the difference among sex, love, and infatuation (see Short, 1992).

Robert Sternberg (Bennett, 1985) at Yale has a theory that there are three components to love:

(1) Intimacy = baring souls, sharing, liking, and bonding (a slowly developing emotional-interpersonal involvement, as in a friendship).

(2) Passion = sexual attraction (an instant or quickly developing motivation or addiction which usually declines over the years to a stable level).

(3) Commitment = stable, dependable devotion (a slowly developing cognitive decision to stick by the other person in bad times, as in a marriage).

Notice that "romantic love" involves talking, sharing, and closeness (intimacy) and touching, kissing, etc. (passion) but not an agreement to stay with the other person if the friendship and passion decline sharply (commitment). Likewise, "companionate love" lacks passion and fatuous love lacks deep personal enjoyment of each other as people. There is nothing missing in consummate love, so wouldn't everyone want to have and get that kind of love? It is most peoples' ideal, but it is hard to achieve. Fortunately, love doesn't have to be that intense all the time.

A good-to-acceptable arrangement, according to Sternberg, is when both partners want, receive, and give the same amounts of the three ingredients, i.e. they both have the same kind of love in about the same intensity. However, as the partners' three dimensions of love differ more and more from each other, especially in terms of total investment, the quality of the love relationship deteriorates.

For example, within limits, partner A can be primarily interested in sex (passion) while partner B is more interested in love (intimacy), providing both A and B are devoted to each other. But there are three threats to the relationship: if A loses sexual interest or B falls out of love or if either decides to "look around" for the ingredient they aren't getting. The less we get of what we want, the more unhappy we become.


"You can tell that it's infatuation when you think that he's as sexy as Paul Newman, as athletic as Pete Rose, as selfless and dedicated as Ralph Nader, as smart as John Kenneth Galbraith and as funny as Don Rickles. You can be reasonably sure that it's love when you realize he's actually about as sexy as Don Rickles, as athletic as Ralph Nader, as smart as Pete Rose, as funny as John Kenneth Galbraith and doesn't resemble Paul Newman in any way--but you'll stick with him anyway." -Judith Viorst

Answer 7

If you have been with her 7 years and lived with her 3...then you should know in your heart if your ready. Think of what situations you've been though and how you have dealt with them together. Then talk about situations you have not been through (ex, kids or moving or career changes etc.) and discuss how you'd handle them. Talk, talk, talk. You men hate it but the more communication-the more compromise and compassion!

Answer 8

would you ever cheat on her? if yes, dont get married


this is my answer, i am 22 and been with a girl for like 4 years and i think four years is enough, we are getting married in two weeks. its all up to you, answer these questions with a yes answer

do you love her?
does she comfort you?
is she help full?
funny?
even though you find other girls attractive you know nobody is more attractive to your girlfriend than you and other way around?

answer yes and you are ready to get married... you are still 17 though, and i remember i lost my virginity and had many girl friends before finding the right one ... it basically is up to you

Answer 9

You can't really put an age or time limit on these things, I would say it's when you realise this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, have children with, grow old with etc. If you are with this person, then the time is right, if not wait.

Answer 10

Well, if you've been living together already 3 years..de facto yer married. all u need now is the piece of paper.