my partners 3 year old son is driving me mad and i dont think i can say anything?

Question

hi please help me! my partners 3 year old son ihis eating is terrible he doesnt hardly eat any thing all he eats just about is sausage rolls and alphabites (potato letters) and it is boring as that means 2 separate meals have to be cooked and if i bring the subject up she tells me it is because his father has messed him about what do i do they only other things he eats is fruit which is good but it aint a meal for a toddler and crisps and biscuits and obviously sweets but i cant get it in to my partners head that he aint having sweets untill he starts behaving better and eating proper meals instead of basically c*ap plese help or i will go insane also please can someone help me explain how i can explain this to my partner cos i wouldnt want to split with her over something like this as our relationship is fine it is just her son thanx all for your help!!!

Answer 1

wel;ll if hes liveing with u, u tell him what to do ur house im a kid 11 years old, i no wat it like

Answer 2

Kids have amazingly TINY stomachs. So, they don't hold much.
Remember to allow for that. Instead of worrying about two different meals, remember to offer him food every four hours.

Taste for different foods is like taste for different music, it has to be acquired. He has had enough turmoil in his life and maybe the foods you listed are some of the things he is sure about. Please give him some time.

When it is your turn to shop, you could only buy the better foods. And have those little frozen yogurt tubes for treats.

Beyond food, you are letting this get to you. Take a deep breath and don't sweat the small stuff. Being involved with the future of this child doesn't necessarily mean you need to be a boss now or ever. Be a leader and while he eats a sausage roll, you eat a yogurt and smile.

Choose your fights; these two people are more important than letting this thing become something that drives you insane. I have four grown kids and some almost grown grand kids. I wish I had known I could just laugh off a lot of stuff when the first go round was little. We would have had more fun.

Answer 3

Your partner feels she owes her son something because she has taken him away from his father and that is why she over indulges him .
You must accept that he will always take priority over you in his mothers eyes .
But priority and authority are 2 different things .
If you do not establish authority now you never will and the antagonism will only increase making a relationship impossible .
Tell your partner in no uncertain terms that you will not sit back and watch her destroy the son she loves more than anything with over-indulgence .
A child needs authority and you want her son to be some-one you are both proud of instead of a 16 year old spoilt brat who is morbidly obese with a criminal record (if he doesn't learn now that he can't just have what he wants he never will)
Her excuse "his dad messed him about" is without merit a 2 year old child could lose both parents in the same afternoon without suffering any trauma whatsoever their mind is not developed enough to fully understand the tragedy .
The longer the situation is allowed to continue the less chance there is of a lasting relationship . A child with a stepfather who cares is far better of than a child with a biological father who doesn't or no father at all .
Do it now or end the relationship you cannot make some-one happy by making yourself miserable . Good Luck

Answer 4

it is hard but you need to be more relaxed about it as it will only be putting more stress on the relationship between you and your partner and you and the 3 year old. Dont forget the child will be starting school next year where they have a choice of school dinner which is a healthy choice now days or packed lunch where they are able to choose their new lunch box plus childern eat better when surrounded by other children/friends the same age perhaps this is a test it is so easy to become the 'bad cop' in a relationship even more so when the child is not yours you can not change the boys eating habbit over night change it gradually introduce one item of food at a time with a reward if he tries it and stop bringing the issue up of his eating as you may be making a bigger deal of it to the boy than it started out to be. Whatever you do dont make it a power of wills between you and the boy as it will achieve heartache for everyone. I hope this has helped i have been a step-parent for 16 years and if you are to stay will your partner this is only one worry of many

Answer 5

He's not your son and you will destroy your relationship with the woman if you press this point too much. She will always love him more than you. If there's any serious friction with him involved you will always lose. If that were not the case then she would not be someone you'd want to be with. Try discussing the issue with her and coming up with solutions that suit you both. At least get her OK to try. Don't be a bully. You can't force a child to eat or not eat something. Try involving him in the cooking process which makes it fun. Homemade pizzas which can be nutritious and the like. Be creative. You're a good person to be concerned with the childs well being. Remeber that he is a person too. He is trying to exert control on his situation. He sees this as a contest for his mothers love and you have to let him win it or you will lose more. Give him choices. This or that. If all this fails, there's always SuperNanny. Also, make sure you are leading by example. He should see you and his mom eating lots of healthy foods, drinking lots of water, and enjoying it! Above all, work it out with his mom first.

Answer 6

He is HER child, and her responsibility. If his checkups come out good and he doesn't get sent home from daycare for his behavior, she is doing a good job and following her instincts, and you shouldn't let your personal preferences get in the way of her child rearing.
Point to ponder: Is her mellow attitude part of why your relationship works so well? If she is raising her son with the same attitude she approaches her relationship with, that might be a good thing-she could be raising a man who will tolerate a woman's needs, and those are a valuable commodity.
To get the little man to listen to you, and ease the tension, initiate play with him and gain his friendship and trust. Use every ounce of love and patience you have, and after a while he will start listening to you. Once you reach that point, you can become a bigger influence. She will thank you more if you slide in to the parent roll on the sly tip instead of with guns a-blazin and tempers soaring.

Answer 7

If the child is a picky eater, some would say let him eat whatever he wants since its better than nothing. However, as the adults, it is up to you and your partner to choose healthier foods. It seems that you feel you do not have the authority to help in that decision. Your partner is shifting the blame because she does not want to deal with it because she may not "upset" the father. He (the father) may accept the toddler's eating habits because it may be easier for him when he has him. Show your partner you are fully accepting of her and her son by providing her with the assistance in changing her son's eating habits. Maybe you want to try to introduce different foods to the toddler yourself by handling his snacks or preparing the family dinner. Your actions will speak louder than words. As a "step parent" you may feel reluctant to step in (no pun intended) but if you plan to share your life with this woman, you have to be willing to take action, otherwise you will begin to feel resentful.

Answer 8

At his age I should imagine he still has a health visitor. The first thing is to get his mum to mention his poor eating habits to the health visitor who will check her sons height and weight to make sure he is progressing properly. You can't really do too much about it, as you do not have any parental rights. If the boy attends a nursery or sure start programme then they should also be monitoring him.

Either way, making it a battle will just make the situation worse. The art of any desired course of action with children is to make it a game and non-stressful.

He's only a little boy, and his mum is actually more to blame than he is! Children are not born with picky eating habits, they are learned from poor parenting.

Answer 9

Hi - I am a mother of a 6 and 4 year old, and I agree with what you say. It is obvious that you realize this is a sensitive subject for your girlfriend, but I believe your instincts are correct.

It is (in my viewpoint) extremely important to give children a wide variety of foods and a resulting variety of tastes. This is for two reasons, the first is obviously from a nutrition point of view. Just think of the food pyramid! You cannot dispute the facts, and he is no longer at the 'milk' feeding stage and must for his own health, be exposed to a wide variety of foods and therfore nutrients. The second is that many of peoples habits are pretty firmly fixed in their psyche by the time they are 7 years old, so it is vitally important for him to have the correct influences at least until that age!! This of course includes food.

If your girlfriends son is allowed over much more time to continue to eat such a small range of foods, he will just be more likely to be less adaptable to new foods as he grows older.

This all being said however, it seems that your girlfriend is very stubborn about trying to change her sons eating habits. It is simple, if she no longer offers him the sausage rolls and alphabites, and keeps sweets to a 'weekend treat' that is also dependent on behavior - he will by default have to try new foods. He will not starve himself! I have always found that if you eat the food with your child, and express a slightly exaggarated pleasure at the 'yummy smell' or the silly shape (you can always just put the food on the plate in a silly way), and of course the taste of the food - that all helps to encourage the child to try it. They also get jealous if you look like you're having more fun than they are..

All children go through stubborn stages and tantrum throwing. My 4 yr old son still does at times, behave like a 'terrible two' - but you cannot let a child determine what is or isn't healthy for them.
It is pretty simple, to just ask a child to eat and swallow two bites of a new food type (for a minimum) with lots of hugs and smiles for the 'joy' of tasting it. If my children eat at least 2 or 3 bites of a food they tell me they don't like - that is enough as they are still having a variety - and then they are gradually introduced to new food types.

Unfortunately I am not sure how you can effectively get your girlfriend to change her attitude to this issue, it is always easier to talk about it in theory than it is in practice. I can only suggest talking to her slowly and calmly about it - and offering all help to 'follow her lead' and find a way to introduce some new tastes gradually. You can always use things like a little dollop of ketchup, or a drizzle of honey over something to help mix the new taste, with something familiar and liked.

Answer 10

The sit down and talk to your partner. Tell her that you are concerned for his health and you both must work together to try and cange this. Maybe tell her that you have researched into bad eating and maybe show her a picture of someone who only eats crap. Also say that at the moment, it doesn't feel like you're on the same team, it feels like you're the bad guy and in a relationship you must work together. Failing this there is a show 'super nanny' that might be able to help. Tell her that you ave applied for the show and if she gets angry just say 'I think we should just see a professional and see what she thinks. If I am wrong then se will say it.'
I hope this helps...

Answer 11

well this is the age where most toddlers are picky eaters, i know from experience, if ur worried about him getting enough nutrients try buying pedia sure drinks one 4oz bottle signifies as one meal, and let her eat what she wants if its cereal let her eat it but do try to cut back on the sweets cause alot of sugar on an empty stomache will cause her to become very hyper, if this doesn't help go with ur partner to a pediatric visit and bring this up, but no blaming just put it that all he wants is this and this and ask questions bout it that way ur partner will hear and hopefully she'll want to cahnge after she gets the facts