I have called him, written to him, e-mailed him, sent him gifts at Christmas and birthday. He hasn't even confirmed he received them. I am saddened and frustrated by this. I am considered to have a disability and live on a fixed income. I feel he is an ingrate and I am annoyed. I still love him and would like to hear his voice. Please help.
2006-07-08 19:56:22 · 15 answers · asked by WCDANIELS1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Go meet him. Try and get him to talk and tell you what his problem is with you. Often, face to face meetings help.
2006-07-08 19:59:51 · answer #1 · answered by sxa93 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure I would want to have contact with a person who was annoyed with me and thought I was an ingrate - ESPECIALLY if it was my mother. Maybe he is trying to tell you something and the only way he can get you to hear it is by not saying anything.
He may also be having personal problems and just needs time to deal with his own stuff before he can be available for you.
I would stop sending him gifts - it sounds like it is not practical on your income and is only making you resentful. A card or note with best wishes is plenty. Anything more might suggest to him that you are trying to guilt him or buy his time (since he is not reciprocating the gifts).
You are both adults now and the healthiest relationship you can have will be at that level - not a mother/son level. Maybe try thinking and communicating along these lines:
I always enjoyed ______ (late night talks, watching movies, playing board games, singing - whatever) with you. We used to have so much fun doing that OR I always admired the way you would _______ when we did that. I look forward to enjoying times like that with you again, when you are ready and have the time.
Then tell him what is great about your life right now and what you enjoy doing with your time.
Being positive, living your own life and taking off the pressure will make you a much more attractive contact in his eyes. Sometimes backing away a bit allows the other person to come close again.
I sincerely hope things work out in the long haul and you guys are able to reestablish contact.
2006-07-09 03:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How hard this must be for you. This is a difficult question to ask you, but what do you say in your emails or what have you said in your phone messages? If you are belittling him for not keeping in touch, he might think that is all he will hear from you. If your messages are loving and there isn't any mention of his not responding, he should answer. I guess I would have to look at what caused the original rift between you two. If you know why this all stated, you could start with an apology for anything you might have done and ask his forgiveness. On the other hand, if he is just selfish, all you can do is periodically write or call and leave a nice message that contain no strings. There is a root to this problem and until that is dealt with you won't see any changes. I wish you the best in this.
2006-07-09 03:16:41 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened with my mom. She is on disability and lived on a fixed income as well. We didn't talk for a very long time. I blamed everything on her. I didn't feel like she was trying her best to get better... I felt like she was exaggerating everything about her disability and making it look worse because she was too lazy to work or to support us... and because of that I looked at her like a drama queen. I realize now that she really is disabled and that she really can't do anything about it. She had us go to the doctor and hear everything that he had to say about it... so that we knew it wasn't just her exaggerating... she really can't work. But... She whined and cried and pleaded for me to come around. But the more that she did those things the less I cared. It just gave me more ammo to use against her and the whole "my mother is crazy" argument. Not until she stopped trying to make everything better by either, buying me things, or spending all of her time and effort on me... did I really miss her.. and realize how much, "no matter how crazy she seems", I really love her and missed her and her weird company and behavior. (Which I realize now was just a mother's way of reacting to being rejected and hurt by her child). I realized how selfish and cold hearted I had been... and how much I really needed her.
My husband and I are going to go and visit my mom this weekend for her 40th birthday. We are actually excited. She has mellowed out a lot and realized that there isn't anything that she could do to MAKE us come around. It is something that comes with maturity and age. My sister, on the other hand is at the same point right now that I was a few years ago. Of course it breaks my mothers heart to go through the whole ordeal again... but she is realizing that going bankrupt for a kid that is ungrateful, selfish and cold hearted... (Because that is how most mid to late teenagers and even some early 20 year olds are) isn't worth the emotional STRESS! that is was putting on her. She is realizing that she needs to live for herself. She did her part in raising us and letting us know that she will always be there... She shouldn't have to break her back to prove it all the time. It's one thing to let your child know and reassure them that you will love them no matter what... it's another to sacrifice your happiness to please them when they are being so selfish. The more you push the farther away they will go. The more tears you cry the more immune they will be to your pain. I don't know why... but that is just how it is. At least for my sister and I. Hope this helped.
2006-07-09 03:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on why there is a wedge between you and your son. It's not clear on why or did something happen for this to transpire and get to this point. There are many circumstances maybe he's involved with a girl and she's controlling him, or you said or did repeatably mean things to him only you know.Not always a gift or phone call can fix problems. Your question is very vague. But think about what would have caused him to be like this you know deep down what kind of person he is. It will come to you.
2006-07-09 03:09:40 · answer #5 · answered by Nay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your son an adult? If he is, I am saddened for you! Continue to at least send him bday and holiday cards, to let him know you care, even if he doesn't. Maybe he is very busy!!!
If your child is a minor, then by all means, keep at it, and mail, email and send things. Know that raising children has no assurance that everything will be roses, even when they have grown up. Do the best you can, and that is all you can do. Best wishes to you in this situation!!
2006-07-09 03:02:26 · answer #6 · answered by crazymomma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you pray for him? Are you able to trust a higher power to fish him out and cause him to come to you? Continue with the cards and presents...continue to show him love.As you pray for him your needs of sound health will be met. Your sustenance is from God not man and he can do much better than your son can. Maybe he is running from the responsibility (financial and otherwise) that he would have to face if he returns home. Sometimes, God uses our children to open our eyes to our relationship with HIM and what we need to get right. Pray well, pray hard, be consistent and pray with compassion for him (do not be bitter, or judgemental, forgive him) and see the result in your life. God still loves you. He wants to hear constantly from you. He wants to have a more intimate relationship with you. Get your vertical relationship with Him straight and the horizontal relationship with your son will come in perfect right angle. I will join you in prayer. I don't need to know your name or his. God knows you both.
2006-07-09 03:20:46 · answer #7 · answered by wemimo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess your son is well over 18, He is incommunicado, thats your problem, If you actually know where he is then try meeting him. If he is in good shape and is eluding you then my advice is wait it out, ( I know its easier said than done),
After all how far can he go, he has to come back some day when the world makes him wiser.
2006-07-09 03:05:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have another member of your family get in touch with him and see what happens. At least that way you will know if he's mad at you or just really busy. I'm sure he's just caught up in his life and doesn't realize he is hurting you. When you do see him, you should give him a piece of your mind! He shouldn't take his parent for granted.
2006-07-09 03:07:14 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifaery 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever give up on the one's you love. Try not be annoyed with him.
2006-07-09 03:29:32 · answer #10 · answered by mlove1307 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋