my boyfriend just told me that he doesn't want to have sex anymore before marriage. we've been dating for a month and have been sexually active. i don't like this idea but he is devoutly christian (i am christian but not fundamentalist as he is) and i am deeply in love with him. do i just accept it and say goodbye to really good sex?
2006-07-08 19:37:34 · 30 answers · asked by butchkans 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
we've only been dating a month but have known eachother for years. its not like we've only known eachother a month.
2006-07-08 19:47:17 · update #1
If you really love him you will be willing to wait. Why cant you wait? I know its hard, but not impossible. I think it is admirable that he really loves you and is willing to wait until marriage to not only honor God, but to honor you as well, he must really respect and cherish you if he is willing to do this...think about it and dont rush to any conclusions....good luck
2006-07-08 19:44:40 · answer #1 · answered by D 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you should respect his wishes, if they are really for the right reasons. But why if he's devoutly Christian, has he had sex with you before, and only now decided not to anymore? If it's because he feels guilty and wants to do a better job of respecting his beliefs, then more power to him. But you sort of have to wonder about his convictions.
I'm Taoist, so I generally have no feeling one way or the other about premarital sex, but I think the moral rule with sex in general is that it should be with someone special. If you're really fallin' for this guy, then maybe you can wait.
2006-07-09 02:52:56 · answer #2 · answered by The Bulletproof Monk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No to sex before marriage.
Yes, accept it, it is Gods will and he has decided that God is first in his life, as you should as you say you're a Christian. It's not just a fundamentalist belief, it's a Christian belief and is stated repeatedly in the bible (you know that big book your preacher reads from every Sunday, pick it up and read it sometime).
Good for him! If you can't accept it, let him move on and meet a woman with the same principles and beliefs. As you said, it's only been a month.
2006-07-09 02:51:57 · answer #3 · answered by bri 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay here's the deal. You have just learned all you need to know about this guy and your future with him.
He is going to tell you how it is for the rest of your lives together. He is playing the role of the sexist prick who is going to be head of the household and dictate how it is based on his warped fundamentalist ideals.
What's worse he is also a total hypocrite. He was more than happy to take you for a test drive so to speak and have his fun, but now on his terms that is over. He has decided that he wants to do the 'right thing' now despite totally ignoring God's laws previously.
Frankly thinking about marriage after only a month is ridiculous. There is so much you have yet to learn about each other. But I'd say you have learned enough. You know this guy is a crazy and controlling sexist religious freak. You know he is a hypocrite who ignores God when it is convenient to him. You know he wants to control you and tell you how to live your life. And you know that he has had his outlook on sex warped by his fundamentalist upbringing. You will never find happiness with this man. Sorry.
2006-07-09 02:41:18 · answer #4 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say goodbye to sex, and see how long the relationship lasts without it. You're relationship will be even stronger without sex. If it doesnt work, then there are plenty other fish in the sea!!!! My guess is though if you've only been dating a month, and you are "deeply in love" then this probably wont work out, and not having sex is for the best.
2006-07-09 02:44:03 · answer #5 · answered by aj9655 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I'm 22, and still a virgin, and I've felt like waiting to have sex has been perhaps the best decision of my life. I am LDS (Mormon--if you know the religion, and no, I don't have 40 wives), and in a religious sense, my reasons for not having sex before marriage are based on the fact that the sex act is sacred, and intended to be part of a completely committed relationship. In a non-religious sense, I feel that sex before marriage exposes you to unnecessary risk, guilt, and generally speaking, misallocation of energy and priority.
2006-07-09 02:45:25 · answer #6 · answered by Benjamin G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest I am a firm believer in the "try before you buy " theory.
Say you were to marry him and discovered he was impotent or had a severe sexual hang-up that stopped him being a proper husband or was just plain bad in bed ?
I'm not saying sex is everything, but it is an important part of a marriage, is a natural expression of love and is necessary if you want to have children.
2006-07-09 11:26:49 · answer #7 · answered by debisioux 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is nature's way of proceating. The bible was produced to fit the laws of man. Sex is an enjoyable event and should be expeiranced as much as possible. Why would anyone make something so enjoyable so wrong. The tree of knowledge was invented so that people would not ask questions. However, if you ask questions, you will find the truth.
2006-07-09 02:56:11 · answer #8 · answered by Single Dad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're planning to get married someday it will test both of you in your love if there is love. if is only the sex part, probably you're not ready to have a serious relatlionship, you can have sex for the next one or two years and love forever combined with sex too
If is difficult for you to give up sex probalbly what you need is to do some fasting at least for a week and pray, it will help you a lot.
2006-07-09 02:43:27 · answer #9 · answered by mansongirl17us 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His resolve wont last long unless he's gay and then your looking at an unhappy marriage down the road. For being such a devout christian its interesting that he wants to wait now but didn't want to wait before you had sex. You also don't state how soon into your relationship you had sex... you only state you've been dating a month but how quickly did you have sex? (it's a rhetorical question, I really don't care). Point is he has issues, be careful.
2006-07-09 03:27:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd say you talk to him and see if he can be brought back into sense. And if he cannot, then you have your right to leave him.
Anyway, drop him or accept his conditions is a decision only you can make. I'd drop a girlfriend who said that to me, but then again, I wouldn't even get involved with a person like that, especially if I had known her for so long as you've known your boyfriend.
2006-07-09 03:13:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋