For parents, do you condone spying on your kids to keep them safe?

Question

I guess at some age you stop, but maybe never? Does age matter?
PS I'm asking after reading this article:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/07/09/BIGMOTHER.TMP

Answer 1

In regards to that particular device, I condone it at any age if the parent supplied the car and especially if the parent pays the insurance!
In 2003 a mother and father lost their son to suicide, in large part, because they gave him complete privacy. He went upstairs after a fight and hung himself. How would that make you as a parent feel. It is not isolated. Those parents felt if they had at least briefly looked into his room they would have found out he was taking stuff and could have helped. That is not an isolated scenario!
Parents have the obligation to raise responsible adults and sometimes knowing what is going on can be of EXTREME and incalculable value.
So am I going to hire a private investigator to follow my kids or will I, no. But I do require my kids to be honest with me; I do not have any consequences for honesty.

Answer 2

There are so many ways to draw the line. There's either too much supervising or not enough. I just let mine know that it's all open territory to me. I'm the parent. He respects that. Still tries to get away with hiding things, but I always find out. I'm not over bearing about it, so I think it helps with the respect part. I, on my end, feel very confident about it because as a parent it's my duty to make sure my child grows into a decent adult. I'll let him go when he shows me he can handle the right to privacy. It's a privelidge, not an entitlement.

Answer 3

My kids are all teens and they all have a tendency of pushing the limits. If you tell them not to go somewhere, they'll go and lie. Tell them not to do something, they'll do it and lie. I found MaxxSpy after a long search for something that could help me. It's now installed on all the iPhone sets my kids use. I'd recommend it to other parents who aren't able to take out a lot of time for their kids.

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Answer 4

If my little boy (3 mo's right now) grows up and I get worried, or start feeling like I need a little assistance on the 'eye's in the back of my head' gig, I am absolutely going to let him know that I will be 'spying' on him. Until he pays his own way for things, I still get to play the mom, it's the rules! But I don't consider it spying, I consider it taking care of children by any means possible, with or without their consent. - to me that is just parenting with the new tools that are available to this generation.

Answer 5

No, don't spy on your kids. You're not "keeping them safe" you're trying to pick a fight with them, and you're teaching them NEVER to trust YOU.

The good work or bad work you have done as parents is already complete by the time your child is about 12. Don't keep spying on them and inventing fights over behavior that will solidify rather than go away once they are teens and young adults.

When they are teens, your job is to set a good example as an adult citizen and be ready to advise them without being judgmental or preachy. If you teach them not to trust you and show them how suspicious you are, you are going to reap a whirlwind. Certainly.

Answer 6

Yes- until they are 18- everything they do is your business, because you are responsible for their actions- when they hit 18- they are on their own.
You should raise them so that you don't need to spy on them. Just tell them what you expect, and if they break your rules- what the punishment will be, and always follow through or they will never take you seriously. Never let them negotiate their punishment. It has to be very black and white from the start so that they know what is expected of them...Good Luck!

Answer 7

My parents allowed my brother and I our privacy until we gave them reason to doubt us. I feel the same way. I don't look at it as spying but as keeping a watchful eye out. Yes, I did this with my children especially thru the teen years. There is so much out there a child cannot handle alone. No matter what age. My children knew that I would go thru their things if they gave me good reason to doubt them. Trust is earned, not given.

Answer 8

My parents did things like that. The phones were tapped. The mail was read. We were even required to take mandatory drug tests even though none of us ever experimented with alcohol or drugs. I understand why, but I think it can be very damaging when parents have no trust in their children. There is a difference between protecting them and branding them "guilty" before any crime has been committed.

Answer 9

Sometimes, you feel you have to spy. and yeah you better be ready to find things out that you would not want to know.. Some things will be easy to accept and others will not.Be prepared to deal with both appropiately. Somewhere along the way you have to respect their privacyand pray that they will make the right choices in life. You can not live anothers life for them, live yours and accept the future

Answer 10

Knowing what you kids do is not spying it is called being a responsible parent! If parents continue to let kids do whatever they want the world is going to just get worse...more people need to know what their kids are doing and sometimes spying is the only way to do it.