What should I do?- Dating a girl; very cute; mostly sweet. There is only one problem- she is racist.?

Question

OK let me elaborate. I met her at a club. We danced and had a good time. I went out with her the week after, every thing is fine. I do have a problem with the way she treats people who are not of her ethnicity (she treats my white friends great and my asian friend not so great) On several occasions I have heard her say some jokes that might be deemed as "anti semetic". OK, now before people start calling me a racist, but let me just say where I'm coming from:
1. No matter who I am around, I will always think for myself, therefore I am not nor will I EVER be racist. I think its VERY stupid.
2. We do share a lot of the same interests, we just have different political views.
3. Overall, she is a sweet girl and her friends are sweet. I have told her I don't like her saying those words and she appologized saying that its partly because of "the way she was rased" and she also denies being racist.
4. I'm mostly looking to have "a good time", this might not be long term anyways.

First off, thanks for the feedback. I didn't expect such a big response. A lot of fantastic answers, and a lot that I ignored (the ones refering to me as a bigot or a racist, mostly, I know what I am, thank you..).
-1. She is white
-2. She never seemed to give my Asian friend a chance and immediately shut her away and would argue with her and wouldn't with myother white friends. I didn't peg her as a racist just because she didn't like my Asian friend..ex: I dislike some people with different ethnicity as me, doesn't make me racist (I also dislike some with the same ethnicity)
3. I am going to have a long conversation about this to her and most likely will break up with her, but I will be very polite to her, while doing it, because I don't want to hurt anyone. bottom line: she isn't worth losing my friends over and beauty fades.
Thank You everyone.

Answer 1

Well, i think everyone should enter a relationship with the thought that "this may be the person for me" in the back of your mind. Is she the kind of person that you see yourself spending the rest of your life with? If not, why waste your time in a relationship that's really not going anywhere. Move on to someone who's worth your time.

Answer 2

First of all, even if you're only looking for a 'good time' it may very well wind up long term, because if sex is involved she COULD get pregnant, birth control or not!! (happened to me and I have a 5 yr old to prove it) If she doesn't have long term potential it's just not righteous to go there at all, imo. It could turn into a very bad situation if you're careless in this area!!

And racist or not, I'm sure she has feelings that could be hurt, so please be careful when you're dealing with someone's heart.

As far as the racist thing goes, maybe you can help her enlighten up and expand her horizons. Only you know this of course, but maybe she's just uneducated in that way, and knowing you will have a positive effect, which could in turn make her a better person. Who knows? Some people do change, although for me I try to avoid bigots at all costs. The question is: Is she a dyed in the wool bigot or just a bit ignorant due to youth and lack of education? There IS a difference! Follow your heart...if you don't like her as a person though, walk away now...before you get more entangled and it becomes harder (or God forbid impossible) to walk away.

Answer 3

Either date other Asian people to suit your needs or quit being a bigot. I am American and my wife Asian and we cut up all the time. You really need to cool your attitude and thinking and roll with life and smile more often.Laughter is the root of all good and it helps the heart as well. If you can't take a little criticism give it up and go cry in a corner till you decide to get with life.

Answer 4

is any of that other stuff worth being with a bigomist. i say bigomist because we are all of the human race. however, any way you look at it only small minded people are racist. when the looks have faded and she has put on a few pounds all you will have left is her mind. im pretty sure you want that to be in good shape. if that is the way she was raised will she raise your kids the same way?

Answer 5

Heck, go ahead and have a good time. Personally, though, I would be VERY intolerant of her being racist towards anyone, especially your friends. However, it is quite possible to dislike an Asian person without being racist towards Asians.

Answer 6

Honestly, if you're not looking at it being long term then I wouldn't worry too much about it. The only time I would say you should break it off is if she's actually offended your Asian friends. You woulnd't want them to think you're choosing some ignorant broad over them.

Answer 7

I think you should talk a little bit more. She was probably raised that way, as you said. Racism isn't good, so you should tell her to treat your asian friend with respect. I don't think you should be going out with a girl that is racist. Even if she denies it.

Answer 8

from a girls point of view this is what i would prefer for you to do well the next time time she does or say something that you don't agree with pull her to the side and tell her what she is doing even if you get in a argument still make your self very clear and even if she seems upset don't say any thing that make you seem soft because most females like a man that knows what they want and mean what they say

Answer 9

You will never be happy long term. If you are looking for a casual thing and you are just looking to have fun, fine. But if you are looking for a committed, long-term relationship she is not the girl for you. If you ever plan on having children, you have to remember her views will be a large part of their lives as well.

Answer 10

While If I was you I would confront her. But if you scared that she will get mad then maybe thats a chance you will have to make. Cause you don't want your friends to say that they don't want to hang around with you anymore. Cause of what your girlfriend says about them. So I hope that you do what is the best for you and not for her....If you have any others questions then e-mail me [e-mail]