Please someone explain guys and dykes to me?

Question

I think I am on the androgynous spectrum perhaps tomboyish lesbian but definitely not stonebutch. I have not been able to get a date with another lesbian femme or butch for years, nor even get a smile or flirt. However in the past 6 months I have had two guys, complete strangers chasing after me. Can someone explain this? One guy left a love note on my dryer at the laundrymat while another guy, a waiter, waits on me like I was the Queen Mother, bringing me drinks every 5 minutes and stuttering whenever he tries to speak to me. He told me he liked me. The other guy poured out his heart in the letter. Both are nice guys probably, but this freaks me out that guys like me and other dykes won't even speak to me. I had numerous guys attracted to me in another place. Why??

How should I handle the guys? Should I tell them I'm lesbian? Should I say nothing because they might end up stalking me? I really don't want to be mean and hurt their feelings.

Answer 1

I would probably tell them you are not interested due to being a lesbian and ask them if they know any cute gay chicks. And say thanks anyway :)

I think there are all types for all types, I have an extremely butch dyke girlfriend and occasionally I will see straight guys show interest in her (to her bewilderment) as they obviously are attracted to that style of woman.

Its like how some straight chicks like really femme guys I guess.

Its good that you don't want to hurt those guys feelings, especially as they made quite respectful advances. Its great that you are handling the situation sensitively because as lesbians we know how harsh rejection can be when you accidentally approach someone who is not interested (like asking straight chicks out!). It is better to be upfront though as it stops any confusion and further heartbreak that could be caused by 'stringing them along' so to speak.

Answer 2

First off, straight men outnumber lesbians by a large margin.
Second, our society makes it somewhat difficult for lesbians to express interest without taking some serious social risks; by contrast, it's normal and accepted for guys to express interest in women. Ergo, by probability alone you're going to have a lot more guys showing interest.

If 'tomboyish' means you like sports, dirty jokes & beer - you know, guy stuff - then you're practically irresistable because they're more confortable around you. Few things make guys more uptight than worrying that some 'girly girl' is going to throw a snit the first time he belches or, well, acts like a guy. IME a lot of dykes get along quite well with guys who know they're dykes, for this very reason.

As to how to handle it - I think it would be hard for anyone else to know enough to give any reliable suggestions. Honesty is important, but how and when to tell them would depend a lot on whether you think you could 'still be friends.' Sadly, in some places you might also need to worry about your safety.