what is a funny joke you know or a funny thing you have seen?

Answer 1

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real b i t c h tonight, Dave."

Answer 2

I was at a party once, and I went into the coat room and found that someone had crapped on the coats. So I walked back to the party, and trying to be as discrete as possible, I said "I think someone may have crapped on or around the coats. There is a strong crap smell coming from the coatal region, and brownage has been seen on said coats."

While people looked around wondering if it was true (and it was), some self-centred loser yells out "I hope it wasn't my coat." I couldn't figure out who it was, since he blended into the crowd too quickley.

I'm just mad at the guy that crapped on the coats. Not because my coat was in there (it wasn't), but because he beat me to it. Would have made a great prank.

Answer 3

funny story

I was staying with my cousin when I was 17. Her daughter was 6 years old at time. One day when I was in the bathroom combing my hair she came in and started fooling around. My cousin kept a decorative basket with potpourri in it on top of the toilet tank. Well, while her daughter was fooling around she accidentally knocked the basket over and the potpourri fell all over. However, when she knocked it over there were pictures underneath that fell also. I told her to pick it up and I kept fixing my hair. As she picked up the pictures, she would hand them to me so that I could see it first. She passed a couple: pictures with friends and families. Then she stopped on one and was like "huh?. What...... iiiss that?" So, I asked to see it. I looked at it for a moment trying to figure out what it was. I turned it sideways, upside down, and diagonal until I noticed what it was. In the polaroid was a picture of a woman in a blindfold with a ---- in her mouth. It was sooo up close, that I couldn't tell until I focused. When I realized what it was, I laughed so hard that I was on the ground crying. And the whole time I was laughing, my cousin's daughter would ask "but..... what iiisss that?!" And everytime she would ask, I would laugh harder. I never laughed so hard in my life.

Answer 4

> > ** THE PREGNANT LADY **


> >> >ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY:

> A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus,She noticed the man opposite her was grinning at her.
> She immediately moved to another seat.
>This time the grin turned into a smile, so she moved again.
> The man seemed even more amused.
> And then, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing.
> She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
>The case came up in court. The judge asked the man(about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
> The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:
> When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
> She sat down under a sign that said,'The Double Mint Twins are Coming' and I grinned.
> "Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile."
> "Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,"William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself."
> "BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident' I just lost it."

Answer 5

God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 6

I don't have a joke but have to say I laughed at some of these.
There are some goodies posted here. Thanks for the laughs. I especially like yours afinechic_2000.

Answer 7

Umm ok.. there were three moms searching in there daughters rooms...the redhead mom said she found a beer bottle in her daughter room she said, she didn't know her daughter drank, the brunette mother said she found ciggarrettes in her daughters room and said she didn't know that her daughter smoked...the blonde mother said she found a condem in her daughters room and said I didn't know my daughter had a penis..lol

Answer 8

Me and my friends have an inside joke about a 'boreal forest', you've gotta understand.... you know what i mean....

Answer 9

one day a teacher asked her class to tell her what they did that weekend using grown-up words.

a kid raised his hand and said,'i went to go visit my nana.' the yeacher said,'no, you went to go visit ur GRANDMA.'

another kid raised his hand and said,'i took a ride on a choo-choo.' the teacher said,'no, you took a ride on a TRAIN.'

another kid raised his hand and said,'i read a book.' the teacher said,'thats great! what book did you read?' so he thought....and thought... and finally, he took a deep breath, puffed out his chest, and said,'winnie the sh**!'

Answer 10

haha that's funny