How can you get your kids to listen? (No spanking or violence please.)?

Question

Occasionally my two boys 7 and 9 get out of control. They start taunting each other and get louder and more aggressive with each other. They feed off each other's energy and usually one of them ends up getting hurt or upset. At these times they do not listen to me an start talking over me, saying, "It wasn't me!" or "He pushed me first and hurt me." and so on. Any suggestions as to how I can redirect their energy into more positive forms of play. I do not believe in hitting.

Answer 1

I like the talking form of discipline. My mom calls it lecturing. lol. But what I would do is:
seperate them. Calm down time. They need some time to calm down and hopefully gain some perspective. Then I would have a small 5 minute or so quiet talk with them both seperately. Just to figure out how they are feeling. Ask questions but let them talk alot. Keep calm and don't let your voice fluctuate. Or get angry. And request that they do the same. Emotion is fine to show, but when talking, anger is not the way to resolve it. Find out how each one is feeling, then have a sit down with both of them together. Make sure they know the rules are no yelling or raising their voices. You control the discussion and who talks, and when. But make sure they both get a chance to talk. Make sure, at some point, you can come up with an idea that will make things better or resolve the issue. Example, they were fighting over using the computer, come up with a schedule or something for net time. But hopefully it can be something they come up with. You can suggest, but it helps if they feel it's their idea. It makes them more likely to stick to it. And they feel better about it. Then once they figure out something that will fix it, I would suggest something nice. Like, "Hey, lets go get some ice cream to celebrate." Something they can do together. Or "Hey, let's go play Monopoly, or watch a movie." You get the idea. The chat will help calm them and make them feel like their opinions are appreciated, and then there will be an option in place to fix whatever started the problem. Plus it will teach them to discuss problems. Which might take a while before they really really learn to do it on their own. lol. Which is why you need to be moderator. But let them do most of the talking. So they can get everything off their chests. You would be surprised what you could learn. And it will foster open communication with is a great thing to have with your kids. Then the ice cream is just a way to take their hopefully calm by that point energy and focus it into something enjoyable they can do together, which can foster a better sibling relationship for the future.
I hope that made sense. lol.

Answer 2

As a guy and having three brothers, with each of us being two years apart from one another, we would always get out of control. Not only would she have to deal with a 7 and 9 year old but also a 11 and 13 year old.

Coming from experience, the only way our mom was abe to stay in control was to physically discipline us and show no mercy. When we got to old for spanking, she had no problem taking it up a notch. When she would try non-violence we took it as a sign of weakness, and if she put us in time out it was nothing more than a break between rounds of fighting.

Answer 3

They feed off each other's energy, but be careful you don't get too wrapped up in the drama of the moment as well. Keep your cool. If they are talking over you, don't start yelling or they will just yell louder. "Time out" in separate rooms might help.

Is there a martial arts dojo in your area? Tae kwon do lessons can be a great way for them to learn discipline while using some of that energy. "Boys will be boys," but this may help your boys will grow up to be strong, conscientious men.

Answer 4

Try to understand what they are fighting about, and teach them a better way to solve there problems. Try to teach them the importance of being a brother, and that blood is more important then the rest of the world, that what they do to each other now will effect them tomarrow. (also remember boys will be boys). Its a struggle for dominance, Its human nature. I find that distractions are the best way to keep my kids apart. Say they start argueing over who was playing with the toy first, I jump in and offer a distraction like having them both help you with "there muscles" to move something for you, or When they start fighting, Give them chores to do, and tell them that next time you hear them fighting, They will be put to work... Remember you have to allow them the oppertunity to solve there own problems, or they will never learn how.....

Answer 5

Time outs, positive reinforcement, CONSISTENCY, COMMUNICATION, and Limit how much TV they watch. Its pr oven over and over the more stimulated children are by TV and video games that are violent or have rude behavior on them, they have a tendency to follow right along if you don't catch it. You have to not ever let up with the punishments when you deal them out. Deal out chores, small ones of course, and reward them! Figure out a system that works for all of you and try it! Mine started chores when they were 7 and 8 and they got Quarters and stuff for the different things they did. Worked great for once they grew up and got into the big bad world! Anyway..good luck....keep on them, that is the biggest thing.

Answer 6

Don't try to settle the fight when they start with the "he hit me first" sort of stuff. You have to keep your calm in the midst of their upset. Don't raise your voice. Look them right in the eye, come down to their level if you need to by kneeling or squatting down. And speak in a low pitched, low volume tone. Use very brief sentences. If you start making a speech they'll tune you out. Use time outs for hitting and other unacceptable behavior. "The rule is no hitting" and then a time out. Do not talk to them again until the time out time is over, even if you have to physically keep putting back on the chair or the spot for time out. When time out is over, they must state to you what rule they violated, and then apologize before being able to leave the time out spot.

Answer 7

If they can't come up with a reasonable explaination, put them both in time out. Be persistant. People have no idea how important persistancy is. If you're not persistant, they find ideas on how to get around everything, and you'll always have a hard time. Beleive me, I have 3 boys, and I had to learn the hard way.

Answer 8

Jemmy hi, being a mother of 2boys aged 6 & 3 is tough job too.I'm a preschool teacher & i hav lots of children thats behaving like that.I alwaz do my 1 2 3 & hi5 method.meaning by giving 3chances if still not stopping & comply..their fav thing will b taken away till sorry r given.i alwaz believe another way of controlling voice level is to use d volume of radio..hitting from soft to loudest.If they hit top..put a Hi5 hand up and using that radio volume.I'm sure it will work out soon for u.(remember this talking & goin down to their level will get their attention making sure u hav eye contact).take care.

Answer 9

I would put them both in time out in separate rooms. I would them talk to each separately. I would find activities they can work on together w/o fighting and reward them for getting through an activity w/o fighting. And, when worse comes to worse, watch Nanny 911 or Supernanny and realize that your kids are perfectly normal!

Answer 10

I have a perfect system. You drill them like they are in the military.
Such as Puch ups, the electric chair (stand against wall, knees bent and arms out) Iron mikes and such. They have so much energy they shouldnt have a problem gettin their anger and attitude under control this way