Advice for a problem toddler?

Question

My son is almost 3 and is the worst child I have ever encountered. I have 3 older children and none of them were like this. He refuses to use the potty, but doesn't want to wear a diaper or pullup. He is constanly climbing on things and jumping. He walks up to people and hits, bites, pinches, etc for no reason. He is absolutely horrible. Nothing works. He goes to timeout when he hurts people and I make him apoligize. I reward him for good behavior. Heck, I've even popped his behind when the situation really warrants it. I've discussed it with his pedi, but all he says is he'll grow out of it eventually. There are some times tho that he is the most loving, adorable child around, but very rarely. I would appreciate any tips or advice to help all of us deal with him.

Answer 1

I would say first of all to make sure you are praising him BIG TIME when he is being the loving wonderful toddler that you want him to be.
Other than that, you mention putting him in time out when he hurts people, but you don't mention doing it when he is climbing on things, jumping around, etc. What kind of consequences do you have in place for these things? Are you being consistent? Consistency is definitely a key factor in behavior modification. He needs to know that every time he does something bad, he will get put in time out, whether it is hurting someone or just not listening to your directions. At three, he is old enough to understand simple reasoning. Try giving him a simple choice to make for keeping his pull-up on. If he takes it off, he won't get to play with a certain toy or something like that.
Also, do you give him rewards for using the potty like a big boy? I think that might help. A sticker or a hand stamp or something that he can show other family members and be proud of.
Are your three older children helping or hurting his behavior? If they are old enough to help out, I'd suggest telling them to praise him a lot when he does the right thing.
I'd say he just wants attention, being the youngest of four, and for a toddler, even bad attention is better than not getting as much as he wants.

Answer 2

Your problem is the timeouts. Time outs are a joke. First of all, kids sit all day--what good is sitting in the corner going to do? Absolutely nothing. He needs a good spanking. I know you probably don't want to spank but at this point he is out of control and you need to do something about it because it will only get worse. If he is getting into something he should be getting into, smack his hands and say "no". The reason he is biting, hitting, etc. is because he doesn't realize what hurts you also hurts him. If he bites somebody, bite him back. He'll learn very quickly not to bite people anymore because he knows how it feels to be bitten. Like I said, time outs are a joke. The kids I know whose parents used time outs instead of real punishment grew up to be very disobedient and are now walking all over their parents. Time outs are a thing that have to be taught. If you have to teach your child the discipline before you give it to them then it probably is not a good thing. Not to insult you in any way, but time outs are about the laziest way to punish a child. Quit letting him be in control and step up and be the parent. He'll thank you someday.

Answer 3

I use Naturopathic Physicians and there are a few things they have suggested to me over the years with my 3 & 6 yr old girls:

Children sometimes act out when they are low on essential fatty acids. One of the fastest ways to correct that is to use olive oil directly on the kids skin like a baby oil, right under the ribs on the kids back. I have tried it with my kids and have had instant results from cranky kid to darling baby. Really good and easy to do. I now use it as a moisturizer for them and me - it rocks.

Lavendar essential oils can be very calming, either in a bath or on the kids feet, chest and forehead. I don't know if your child would have alergies to plants or something if this could be a concern - you might wan to check with a dr.

Not surprisingly, sugar is so very often the culprit. When they last said that to me I was so offended. I work hard on doing a proper diet for my kids - they said we just don't always think of how sugars sneak into our diet or how much is too much. I thought my kids never eat candy, but they drink a lot of juice and like PB&J. It's hot now, so the occasional popsicle or cookie, or tomato sauce, ketchup, fruit. It adds up.

Try to get your kid to drink juice only at meal times and try to slowly dillute it (of course making sure it is 100% fruit juice) and give them water at other times of day. The sports bottles are great for kids too (though you don't want flouride water either). Let them have only 1 sweet snack a day - less if you can get away with it, particularly if you do use a lot of ketchup or other products that have sugar as an ingredient.

Cow's milk is also said to be at issue these days - and when you understand that there is a cow's head on every bottle of elmer's glue because casein (found in all cow dairy products) is what makes the glue sticky. When that gets gummed up in our systems it can cause all sorts of problems. Fortunately there are goat's milk and rice milk products that are delicious and similar enough that young children don't mind the switch. Goat cheese is also a good alternative to regular cheese.

There are definitely things that can be done to help you both. Truly, no child's natural condition is to be contrary. A nutritional approach can be really helpful and easy to implement.

Peace!

Answer 4

I would suggest having a look at the types of food and drink that he is having, chances are that with older children in the house he is having more junk food or food with preservatives. I would try to make his diet more natural with things such as lots of fresh fruit and veges and meat, fish etc. Small children should not be having foods with preservatives etc as a lots of today's foods have. I'm not sure where you are from but i would also suggest A2 milk (I'm not sure if you can get it where your from) but i noticed an amazing difference with my 2 year old son when i switched him 3 months ago, and i know if for some reason he has normal milk his behavior changes back to a terrible two year old!!!

Good luck and i hope this helps!!!

Answer 5

First off, I'm not opposed to spanking.... because when the situation calls for it..... But biting a child because they bit you, is just going to teach your son to do it more. He's just going to think, "Oh, well my mom does it, then so can I." And, to me, it's childish. He may just be fighting for attention. Maybe with having siblings, he may feel like he's only getting bad attention. If he won't wear the pull ups, physically MAKE him wear them. Tell him that if he doesn't want to wear them that bad, then he has to use the potty. Everytime you put one on him say, "You know....If you would just use the potty, You wouldn't have to wear these." And time out only works for certain children. My 4 yr old HATES time outs. Plus, you could spend more time playing with him or doing things with him, he may not act up as much.

Answer 6

well try a more series punisment like if he hits or hurts someone no tv for the day and he just has to sit in his room for the day and can only come out for meals but then go write back in.
or if he wont were his dipper tell him if he dose not want to were it he dose not have to but he has a choice were the diper or use the poddy if he still wont take a way his favorite toy or if he take the dipper of put it back on and make him stand in the cornor i no that when i was bad as a child the cornor was my worst enemy but it made me listen well good luck!!

Answer 7

Start taking his favorite toys away, or even all of his toys every time he is good give him one, when he's bad take it back. if he bites, bite him back just to where it hurts a little. If he starts to get worse hold him in your lap to where he can't get back down and just keep telling him that you love him. Do that until he quits bucking on you. Do you spoil him? Tell him no more often. if he starts yelling then put him in a room where nothing can get broke, don't let him out. then go in and ask him if he is done, if he starts again walk out like you don't care, when he quits screaming ask him again. he will get the picture. Or spank him. If you need more in detail here is my email [e-mail]

Answer 8

I'm sure you have tried this, but when he does something inappropriate take away something that he really likes. When his behavior changes, give it back. Explain why you are doing this.
What you call discipline really isn't discipline if it isn't working. He may actually be enjoying your attention with the timeouts, spanking, etc. Keep trying different things - you will find something that he truly does not want to happen to him. Hang in there.

Answer 9

Have patience there is no real answer.

I have 4 sons too. They are 13, 10, 6 and 3.

My 3 year old is a smart mouth who hits and bites too. Its hard to say why. THe older brothers, television, who knows.

Answer 10

If this is really concerning you then you should contact a BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analyst). Contact your local Autism Society and they can give you some info. I know you're child is likely not autistic so don't let that scare you. This type of intervention can help for normally developing children as well.