My adult daughter (21) still lives at home with us. She doesn't help out at all. Does abosoultly nothing around the house. But, makes every bar call, or house party with friends. I'd kick her out but she doesn't have a job. What do you think?
2006-07-08 13:23:59 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
don't kick her out, just get tough on her for example when she wants to do something don't let her, tell her that as long as she lives under your roof that she has to follow all your rules, also let her know that you don't want her to pay rent that you only want her to find a job so she can save money for the future. let her know that if she wants to live there she will have to work. treat her like a kid as long as she is in house, you are the queen of that house and no one else can boss you.you let her know who's the boss.you are still her parent no matter how grown she thinks she is, if she tells you that she is an adult and you can't tell her nothing, set her in her place because in your house she has no power.If you are strong and you make her unhappy by letting her know that as long as she is in you house she has to follow your rules. she will want to move if you let her know whats up....In the future she will understand why you were so hard on her and she will love you for it....be strong girl!
2006-07-08 14:15:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 0⤋
I am 21 I still live at home and my mom supports me. I do however have a job and go to school full time. I don't pay rent at the house, but I do help out with certain things. I also pay my own car insurance, gas for the car, any credit card bills I have, if I wanna drink or party I have to pay for it.
I would put my foot down about the parties. I have a curfew as well which is 3, but during the summer my mom doesn't mind if I come home later. I don't mind because I live with her and she supports me. You should explain that to her.
I think you tell her she needs to get a job. Make her go out for a couple hours a day and put in at least four application anywhere a day before letting her back into the house.
Hope some of that helps.
2006-07-08 13:29:43 · answer #2 · answered by Manda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly I still live at home, and I'm over 25, let's leave it at that. Believe me I HATE it, but have no choice. In my defense I did live away from home for about 8 of the 12 years since I turned 18, oops! I only returned about a year ago. I lived and worked in Wyoming and moved back to Pennsylvania for a job. OK here's a synopsis and some of the wisdom I've gained:
18-19 - away at school
19-22 - home at community college
21-28 - traveling 21-24 and finishing college 24-29- Temple University and traveled to Wyoming for a job
29 and 30 back at home.
So far I haven't found a roommate back home and only know people from work and rent is OUTRAGEOUS
Anyway, my parents said as long as I was in school I was good with rent. I was expected to do 'chores' mowing the lawn, cleaning the bathroom, etc. And cleaning up after myself. Now I pay rent and still do chores and stuff.
I would say you have to be strict. Tell her either she needs to be progressing(work or school) or she's out. I know that's hard for a parent(believe me I know), but in order for her to grow you need to do it. Now if I could only find a roommate...
2006-07-08 13:37:08 · answer #3 · answered by cptcvemn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My baby is also 21 and still at home. However, she is working everyday, sometimes six days a week and going to school when she can afford to. So when she doesn't pay me anything I don't mind because she is doing what she needs to do to take care of her. My daughter my not be paying any bills; however, she is taking care of her own needs (food, clothing, and toiletries). She has been on her own twice. However, I'd rather have her home with me, then living with anyone that mistreats or disrespects her. She knows she always can come home and she does. Forcing them out before they are ready is probably why so many young women end up being unwedded mothers and worse.
Your daughter should at least get a job to support herself.
2006-07-08 13:30:34 · answer #4 · answered by Dancer3d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her and find out what is going on in her life. Try to figure out why she is not looking for work. There may be something going on that you are not aware of. You could try to help her find a job by networking with people you know in your church or community. Ask other family members if they know of any job openings and if they would recommend your daughter for the position. Some companies may not have an advertised opening but will find an opening if someone they respected told them a family member who is a good worker needed a job. Encourage her to get training or education for a career. Network with your established community. I would not kick her out. Give her a chance to get herself together.
2006-07-08 14:09:18 · answer #5 · answered by solisue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my country, grown adult children stay in their parents home until they get married ( males or females) regardless if they have a job or not. On the contrary. leaving the house is not accepted in our society and looks very awkward. It is the first time to know that some people pay rent to their parents, this is very strange for me. Parents here in my country are great donors. But at the end, it nice to know about other socities
2006-07-08 13:47:52 · answer #6 · answered by mico 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lay it on the line. Be a strong parent. Tell her either she pulls her weight or she needs to go out on her own. She should either be in school or have a job. She can at least pay you rent (even if you simply charge her $200 a month, it makes her responsible. When she gets married or moves out, give her back all her rent (save money for her - even put it in the CD without her knowing about it). It will make a good gift when she shouws that she is a responsible adult. My parents did it to me. Good luck.
2006-07-08 13:35:50 · answer #7 · answered by noitall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can tell the ppl that really "know" what you are talking about opposed to those who just have an "opinion" I KNOW what you are talking about! It is very frustrating b/c you don't want to put them out b/c you know her friends are just there for the party! They wouldn't let her live w/ them b/c they know that she is NOT gonna help out financially or around the house. They are our kids & Lord knows I wish someone could just give me a direct answer on what to do just like you do! I wish i had the answer for you b/c it is very frustrating to be the one doing ALL the work--but then again they are OUR kids! everyone tells me that i am enabling my child-which i don't feel that way! i can't just put him out b/c he will just come right back b/c no one else will let him stay w/ them! Just like your daughter & my son--they just don't get it!! So this answer is from someone who feels your every frustration & does not have a clue as to what to do! I may not like my son--but i do Love him!! Wish i had a direct answer for you but i don't!
2006-07-08 15:03:57 · answer #8 · answered by oceanwaves 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I knew an answer for you. My guys are still teenagers eager to get out of the house and on their own. I am actually holding them back until they finish their education and get jobs that will support them.
I am afraid that if I was in your situation I would kick them out if they did not start contributing to the household in every way possible!
2006-07-08 13:32:40 · answer #9 · answered by LN has3 zjc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you created this monster, Mama! Borrow a set of balls from someone and put the gal out!!! NOW!!! Before she brings babies home to live there too.....you did it...it's your own damn fault, woman! Tell her she has 2 weeks to find a job and a place to live. Then pack her sh*t to move out. Sounds to me like she has alot of places she can go. You are not doing her a favor letting her nurse off of you at age 21....she's a bum. AND you made her that way! Redeem yourself NOW !!!
2006-07-08 14:02:45 · answer #10 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋