how is my poem?

Question

Down by the brook
In the sweet meadow,
The grasses are green,
And the sun a bright yellow.

Here I am drinking’
The clear cool running water.
The rocks I throw sinking,
Here, I am singing.

An amber dusk sets,
With colors galore.
My feet are still wet,
But I will linger no more.

Answer 1

Down by my cousin's place
smokin sweet meadow,
da grasses are green,
we starin out into space.

Here I am drinkin
wid cool beer in 40s.
ol cid sellin rock again
dat smoke it be stinkin.

amber just come around,
seein colors galore.
da girl is all stoned
I'll probably score.

Answer 2

Sorry, didnt really like it.
"The grasses are green,
And the sun a bright yellow." - how many times people used this phrase? Come on now, give us something more thoughtful with deeper meaning. :)

Answer 3

"Here I am drinking’
The clear cool running water.
The rocks I throw sinking,
Here, I am singing."

That doesn't really run very nicely, and the rhyme scheme cannot be just taken out..

Answer 4

Good, but at "Here, I am singing" I'd exchange for something like: "Drowned out by by singing."; You can use it, if you like! Just give me "line credit" in the poem once you're published!
But quite enjoyable; stirs up some Nice imagery!

Answer 5

That's very nice!! And I like the way you used your creative mind to come up with a beautiful poem! I write poems too!!

Answer 6

I have Read worse.........

On a scale of 1-10 I would give it a 7.5

It was nice but I can't put my finger on it but it's just missing something.......

good luck with it I have seen worse ones published in Books many times..........

Answer 7

Nice, however it doesn't leave much of a mental picture of its surroundings. May I suggest for descriptive nouns, and/or adjectives?

Answer 8

Very nice

Answer 9

If your feet are still wet why do you linger no more?

Answer 10

very inspirational and very detailed and soothing. if you really came up with all those words yourself, then you should really pursue this art. great details as well.