Okay, here's my situation. I live with my ex-husband and his mom because I don't earn enough money to live alone yet. I have a guy I have been seeing for over a year, but he lives about 2 hours away and we both work full time, so I only get to see him about once a week.
I really love my new boyfriend and I'm waiting for him to ask me to move in with him so I won't have to live where I am now.
The problem started when my ex recently met some other girl on the internet and now he's always on the phone with her and I don't know why I'm jealous because I don't want to be with my ex anymore. But he's always on the phone with her and for some reason it bothers me and I'm overcome with the urge to beat him until he falls into a coma and smash his cell phone into little pieces.
Like I said, I don't want him anymore, so what's wrong with me?
2006-07-08 11:40:49 · 35 answers · asked by southerngirl84 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I thought I was the only person alive living with their ex. You have the mom there too. WOW.
You may not want him but still in your heart you want to hurt him for finding someone to have a relationship with. this is normal because you see him with something you deeply desire also.
Its not that you actually still have feelings for him really. Its just you want what he has, and that's happiness!
Its hard, i know, but be happy for him and the good karma will come back to you! promise! You won't be lonely for long!
2006-07-08 11:46:52 · answer #1 · answered by ~brigit~ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hard to say why you feel that way, but it could be due to feelings that he'd rather talk on the phone with someone than interact with someone who lives with him. If you're the sort of person that thrives on verbal affirmation or quality time, that could be devastating. Even though you're divorced, the fact that you live in close proximity likely complicates the relationship a bit so that you still want some sort of affection or interaction from him, even if it's not physical.
Understanding that you and your ex both want to move on is a critical step here. He's entitled to be happy and in love just as much as you are, and even though it may make you jealous for now, it's a good chance to really deal with any lingering issues with him. You could take advantage of this and use your feelings as a chance to move away from him, maybe with a roommate or friend or your boyfriend.
If you're going to keep living there, you'll have to find a way to stop being jealous or you'll be miserable, and given that you want to move out anyway, go for it! There's nothing wrong with you, it seems like it's the situation that's hurting you.
2006-07-08 11:55:52 · answer #2 · answered by mathiesm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the problem many people dont realise is the heart and mind are two different things, you realise this is more comlicated than you make out, which is why you are having a hard time understanding, denial is one thing... you must still have at least thin feelings for him, maybe only in a friendship sense and seeing him talk to some other girl is causing you to feel like you are missing something especially when your new BF is so far away.... see how its getting complicated now ?
I wouldnt worry...stress makes seeing things even harder...get rid of the insane stress that you dont need and think things through, you may find you still have more feelings than you thought... go out have a day off, chill out, think of something else...this may help you come back to your true feelings and find what it is you want... speak to your new BF and show him you would like to take things a little deeper and see what happens
i wish you all the best :)
remember some mens hearts are ruled by thier underwear contents.... and thats coming from a man....to be honest :)
2006-07-08 11:48:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are several things wrong with you.
#1 Your self esteem is so low right now, that you could do harm to yourself let alone your ex. You need to be on anti depressants.
#2. You are currently living with your ex-husband and his mother? Ohh my, you screwed up and married a looser who could not afford his own place, let alone a place for you and him to live (happily ever after).
#3 You need to find a new room mate. Try looking in the newspaper and go interview several people. There are always people who were jointly in leases with other people and one of them got married or lost thier job or moved out of town for work and they need a room mate as bad as you.
#4 If you do not make enough money at your current job, what do you like to do? What do you know how to do well? If you like to do a job, you'll do it better than most. So find something you like to do, and figure out how to get paid for it. You'll earn more in a career that you enjoy, as you do it better because you are passionate about your work. You need to make more money to be able to support yourself and not have to be dependent on LOOSERS like your ex.
#5 Don't sit around waiting on some guy to ask you to move in. What happens when things don't work out between you and him? Now where will you go? Back to your ex? NOT! Get off your ***, and get focused on YOUR LIFE! It is just that, YOUR LIFE and not anyone elses. Stop living for other people. You only get one shot at the life you have. You better make it the best it can be! Get Motivated, get off this site and start looking for either work, or a room mate online.
2006-07-08 11:51:58 · answer #4 · answered by almondjoy_1000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are a little jealous of the attention he's getting while your stuck in a routine of working and not being able to get the attention you need from your boyfriend. Not to mention the fact that women love the idea of flaunting their new boyfriends around their exes... women seem easily offended if their ex seems to flaunt their new relationship in front of them. My advice to you is go for a walk and think of a new romantic adventure for you and your boyfriend... that way it will get your mind of what your ex is doing. Another good idea is to go soak in a tub of hot water and pamper yourself so your not concerned with it either. That way your not tormenting yourself and not reminded of how lonely you are due to the distance between you and your boyfriend... Good luck and hope these little ideas will help.
2006-07-08 11:50:59 · answer #5 · answered by naustin1969 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We separated in December after 10 years of marriage and even today when he came over the see the kids, he spoke about a girl he works with and I felt really jealous! I questioned myself but couldn't find an answer. Even though he is not even seeing this person, just the mention of another woman's name turns me green! Just nature I suppose.
2006-07-08 11:44:42 · answer #6 · answered by Sue K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an easy one. You are extremely immature. You're like a child who wants every body's attention. First of all, you need to be living on your own. You need to get help to get a place if you cannot afford to move out. You are too immature to be going from one man's house to another man's house. Why don't you become independent. You can join the service or the foreign service, if you need somebody to provide room and board.
2006-07-08 11:48:51 · answer #7 · answered by darkdiva 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like jealousy to me. Even tho you don't want him you may wish he still wants you. It is human nature to want to feel wanted especially by someone that once loved you. If this is over you need to get over it and move on...even if you can't move out. Give your ex the right to be happy too. You will be a lot happier if
you can do this. Best of Luck to all of you.
2006-07-08 11:50:23 · answer #8 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its apparent that you still have some feelings for him, be it that they may be not of love but of dislike doesn't really matter. the problem is you need to get out of the situation your in, because living with your ex cant be healthy. by getting out normality will slowly come back and you can go on with your life. i hope this will help.
2006-07-08 11:53:12 · answer #9 · answered by Ranger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just realize that you are missing your boyfriend. When your ex talks to that girl, your remembering how much you miss being with someone. Your right you need to get out of that house. Why don't you ask your boyfriend if you can move in with him?
2006-07-08 11:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by Nic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋