What can I do about my alcoholic parent?

Question

can i force them into treatment?

i need ideas.. i am leaving for college in september, but i want to try SOMETHING to stop the drinking.

if anyone can share personal experience with this situation, i would be very grateful... tell me how you coped and what you did and did not do in regards to your parent's problem..

thanks

Answer 1

Both of my parents were alcoholics. My Father whilst' I was growing up and, then when my Sister and I went to university my Mother divorced him. It was a year later that she turned to the bottle and became an alcoholic. I spent most of my chilhood trying to get my Dad to quit the booze but it was always the same old story. He would promise over aNd over again that he would stop, but within a week he would be back on it. I dont know what youR Mum is like when she is drunk but my Dad was abusive in many different ways. Hence I haven'T sen him for 13 years. Addiction is very selfish and deceitful by nature and trying to understand an addict is really difficult, primarily because of their unpredictability and their love affair with their addiction. I really believe that you can love alcohol more than you can love your wife and kids. The only person who can stop drinking is your Mum. It doesn't matter how much you try and help her, she, and she alone is the only one who has that ultimate power. I know how torn you must be feeling between your loyalty towards your Mum and also getting on with your own life. But you have to look after yourself sweetie, because your Mum is unable to do that for you. When I went away to college and discovered that my Mum was drinking heavily I just wanted to run home and rescue her. I tried everything, just like I had with my Dad, but nothing worked. When somebody drinks all the time they are unable to take responsibility for themselves and, quite often the roles of Mother and Daughter are reversed. Therefore you become the Mother and your Mum becomes the child. Unfortunately, you have your whole life ahead of you and you must not under any circumstance ruin your career choices over something that you have no control over. I know it sounds selfish, but you are the priority here. Your Mum is unable to see, ackowledge or take responsibility for her behaviour and, the effect that it is having on those around her. Eventually I had to cut off contact with my Mum as she would call me at all hours telling me she would kill herself if I didnt go home and look after her. It was the toughest time of my life because I too felt so torn. I also felt enormous amounts of guilt and hatred towards myself. I felt that I was an awful Daughter for not going to her rescue. Had I have done then I wouldn't of got through college, and I wouldnt be where I am today. So, you go to college and live your life to the full, and if and when your Mum decides to stop drinking you can be there for her then as she will also be ready to be there for you too. Unfortunately my Mum died 3 years ago from liver cancer but we did mange to spend time together before her death,and we talked and talked and talked about why she drank. She acknowledged the effect it had had on the family and apologised. Smething that she would never of done drunk. She told me that one of her biggest regrets in life was not listening to those who loved her and not giving up the booze before it was too late. There are two brilliant books called " Adult Ghildren of Alcoholics" by Janet Geringer Woititz. It explains all th questions that you need answered. And also " Drinking-a love story" by Caroline Knapp. It focuses on why people drink and why over everthing else in their lives they will aways choose the bottle. You could also try AL-ANON, a sister organisation of AA, but for children of alcoholics. Please dont give yourself a hard time over this. It is not your fault. It is your Mums responsibility. You are the child and she is the adult. Take good care of yourself and I wish you all the best at college. (well done also for gettig this far ) You should be really proud of yourself xx PS- If you want to mail me for furthur advice and support please feel free.

Answer 2

If you have family/friend support, a full intervention is relatively effective.

Could you get a spouse involved as well? If so, you could be even more effective. Interventions involve organizing friends and family (without the alcoholic's knowledge) so they can all "surprise" the alcoholic and in an organized, planned out way, tell the alcoholic how much that person means to them and how strongly they feel the person needs treatment.

A treatment plan must be organized ahead of time and the alcoholic then must leave for treatment immediately - with the FULL support of the family/friends.

Answer 3

Force them? no.

Pretty much everyone in my family are alcoholics. But the one I saw was my mother. She is a nurse, and would literaly drink ALL DAY. Even at work. She got away with it for years, years, and years. But then she got caught (somehow), and she was also popping vicodin. Her boss' said get treatment or youre fired. So she did.

A week later, she got caught using again. These people were her friends for nearly 30 years, and she left them, and four years later she still hasn't spoken a word to them.

People don't get help until they are truly ready to. Unfortunately she still hasn't gotten true help. I think she thinks she's ok, since she doesn't drink as much as she used to. But she is still miserable.

If you have other family members or friends that are worried about them too, try an intervention. All you can do is try.

And for you, Al-Anon. It saved me.

Answer 4

My mom is an alcoholic... Knowing from experience there is nothing you can say or do to get then into treatment or make them stop they will have to decide it for themselves... the only thing that you can do to make yourself feel better, for a lack of choice of better words, is talk to them before you leave and tell them how you feel about their drinking.... I distanced myself from my mom... more so once my children were born... she was told by me that as long as she was drinking she was not going to have a normal grandmother/grandchildren relationship with them because i was not going to expose them to it.. and still it took months and me staying true to what i said before she finally stopped and unfortunately 1 year ago she started drinking once again.. so even threatening them doesn't always work either...
I understand how you feel and how much you worry but it is out of your hands it is up to them!!!! Good Luck!!!!

Answer 5

Well i have to tell you that I'm going threw the same thing with my mom. She drinks excessively and i didn't know what to do. But I tell you what I pray and pray to god every night and I thank him as if she has already stopped. Each day has became so much easier to cope with my advice to you would try god he want never fail may god bless. I hope you be successful in college and Just make sure you don't follow your parents footsteps in their drinking problems.

Answer 6

First, Congratulations for going to college even with the problems at home. I'm glad you are staying strong for yourself. As you probably know, you can't force anyone to stop drinking. They have to want to do it themselves. They need to seek the help because they want to stop. AA is a great place for them to start. As for yourself, go to ALANON. This is where you will learn to understand what they are doing to themselves, but please do not let them pull you down with them. Work for YOUR future. You may need to take a few steps back and let them do their own thing, but don't let them interfere with your future. Sometimes you just have to walk away and walk back when you can cope. Good luck to you. I was married to an alcholic for over 11 years and went through all the programs ie mental health counceling, AA, detox, ALANON, etc. He didn't turn himself around. I had to divorce him, he hit bottom real bad and finally when he was looking death in the face because of his liver, he quit. We stayed friends and I tried to support him as we had 2 children but we couldn't live together. He died 2 years ago.

Answer 7

Tell them how you feel. There is nothing you can do to stop them from drinking. They need to admit they have a problem before they are willing to get help. Also tell them you love them. My mom was an alcoholic, she got caught for OUI and she realized she had a problem. It cost her $2000 for the OUI and 48 hours in jail.

Answer 8

Don't despair! You are a young adult now, it is time to give your parent "back" their alcoholism; this is your parent's problem. They need to chose on their own to seek out help. You have a new life and opportunities ahead of you; don't take your parent's problem with you. You can still love and care about what happens to them, but you can't solve their alcoholism. You will be giving back the responsiblity to your parent to take care of themself. Just remember not to let bitterness take hold, because love is greater than anything. That will help you to keep loving your parent no matter what!

Answer 9

no you cnnot my friend allow me to introduce myself imma grateful recovering drug user and alcohol abuser with a name and a problem called ray clean datew august 8th 2001

well heres the story for many many years i was in and out of treatment sometimes foced sometimes it was me saying i wnat to be clean for my mother,girlfriend,grandparents,my job etc........

well that didnt work for me i am mor a junkie then i was a drinker but i found my recovery in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous

so speaking from my own experiences i can say ppl trying to force me into treatment only scared me off

today thanks to God (as i understand him/her/it) via the rooms of alcoholics anonymous i am coming up on 5 years without a drink or illegal chemical in my body!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

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