who ever tells me the funniest joke...willl........?

Question

will get it chosen as the best answer! make it funny! k!

Answer 1

When Suzy got home, she told her dad that she got a 100 in school. Her dad told her to sit down and tell him all about it. She said, "Well, I got a 20 in math, a 30 in science, and a 50 in spelling!

Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea." said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue."

A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the earth ?" One lil' girl spoke up: "According to my Daddy -- terrible!"

Trying to come to the aid of his Father, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the lil' tyke piped up, "Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you !"

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."

Answer 2

Haven't seen very many question askers, who actually make sure that the funniest one actually get the ten points.

Sounds like a "Bait & Switch" sales pitch employed by used car salesmen..

You shouldn't just leave it up to the voters, to do something that you hinted that you would get done.

Rather dishonest to put out that attraction to get people to do your asking, If you don't follow through with your part.




God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 3

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 4

There are 2 guys running after a girl. one trips and the other guys says your los dude and dashes after the girl. the guy who was behind pops up out of no where and punches him in the face then runs straight for the girl. the guy from behind jumps at him hoping to knock him out, immediately he jumps to the side without thinking and land in a pile of crap. The guy then says paybacks a b!tc h.

Answer 5

a very old man asks a guard: "what do u do 4 living??"
the guard replied: "i stay up on my feet all day n night"
the old man: "ohhh i wish ur my d*ck"!!!!!!

a stupid man took etiquette lessons.. a day after he finished the lessons, he was sitting with his wife, suddenly he took his pants off n put a tissue on his a$$..His wife asked y he's doing so? he said: "nothing baby, I'm farting" !!!!

Answer 6

there was preacher who was hikeing inthe wood and came across a big black bear believing God would help him he dropped to his knees and prayed dear God please let this bear be a christian that way he wont try to eat me. when he looked up he saw the bear drop to his knees and said dear God thank you for this meal i am about to recieve.

Answer 7

What do you call 4 mexicans in quick sand?

******.

Answer 8

there was a duck who cheated on a bunny what is another way of saying duck its F*** lol its kinda stupid my friend said that

Answer 9

so many people ask this question

Answer 10

once there was this guy he was like hey sup and the other guy goes hmm ok wtf you talking about then the other guy goes like uh idk then he goes like hmmm ok? LOL!!!! :p