Un-asking a person to be bridesmaid or groomsman is just poor form. It really is only an option in a situation where your friendship and her feelings are a moot point. If you are afraid that she will spoil your wedding, that is one thing, but if she is not going out of her way to be friends with people that isn't enough to kick her out.
Anyway, if you try to make it her decision, if she is smart she will know what you are trying to do and think that you are lame.
She may very well sense a vibe and be self-conscious and that is what is keeping her from jumping in. She may feel uncomfortable being asked, but doesn't want to let YOU down.
I say try to reconnect with her and figure out where she is coming from. Think of why you asked her out of all of your friends and think of things she has in common with your friends to engage her more.
This might be an opportunity to create an even better friendship than you had before.
You asked her when you have all these friends, you now have an obligation to make the best of it. It might not be the easiest thing to do, but it is the right thing to do. Just think how you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed.
Good luck and have a great wedding.
2006-07-08 12:46:53
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answer #1
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answered by Denise C 2
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I'm assuming you can't just talk to her and say something like "You seem uncomfortable around the other girls and I dont want you paying money for a dress and everything if it's not going to be fun for you... blah blah blah"? If not, try assigning her to something else.
For example, can she sing? Play an instrument? Or can you have her do a reading of a scripture passage or poem in the ceremony? Or even do some kind of set up at the reception site that "only she can do" because she's so talented at tying bows or something? Then find a way to reassign her to that task, tell her how important it is to you and make it seem MORE special to you than having her as a bridesmaid.
I got married last July and I understand all the politics. I really hope everything works out smoothly for you!!
2006-07-08 08:08:19
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answer #2
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answered by Laura I 2
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Ask her if she really wants to be a bridesmaid. Explain that she's not really friends with anyone else in the bridal party and that even though you two haven't been very close in awhile, you still wanted to include her, but she doesn't act like she wants to be bothered at all. Also let her know that if she would rather back out, you would understand and that she is still invited to the wedding. No hard feelings.
Good luck!
2006-07-08 07:34:18
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answer #3
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answered by Angie P. 6
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Just ask her if she thinks she is still suitable for the role of your bridesmaid. Choosing a bridesmaid is hard, I'm getting married in a little less than a month, and I still haven't deemed anyone as the bridesmaid. The best man is my fiance's father, so I'm thinking about my mother being the bridesmaid. My sister wants to be, but we don't get along all that well, so I think it would be decieving.
2006-07-08 07:32:16
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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I agree that you should have thought of that first before asking her. If you think your relationship is bad with her now, wait until you tell her you don't want her to stand anymore-you probably won't have a friendship. But on the other hand maybe you could talk to her about it. Maybe she doesn't want to stand either and it will do you both a favor-if she's the oddball out I am sure she knows it.
2006-07-08 09:46:56
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answer #5
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answered by blondieblue98 3
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If she already bought and paid for the gown, she's in the wedding, or you better be reimbursing her expenses. It's not really cool to unask someone this close to the wedding. You could mention that she doesn't seem to want to hang out anymore and tthen ask her if she actually still wants to be in it. See what she says and go from there.
2006-07-08 20:24:24
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answer #6
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answered by maigen_obx 7
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then you shouldnt have asked her in the first place. why dont people think of this before hand. your just too caught up in yourself and your wedding to care about others. i hope she doesnt want to be your friend anymore after you kick her out of your wedding. And why does she have to be friends with the other people in your wedding? Isnt being your friend enough? And it takes 2 to hang out. Maybe your too caught up in your wedding to spend any time with her. Being a bridezilla isnt an admirable quality you know.
2006-07-08 07:32:04
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answer #7
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answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7
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Well there is no nice way to do it and you will be lucky that she does stay as a friend. I think it is honestly too late and their is really no excuse either. Now if you had to drop someone on the grooms side too then it should be fine....You may still hurt her feelings but at least she won't be angry with you and your stupidity!!
2006-07-08 08:09:42
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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this is a hard question to answer...i think if she wont make an effort tell her that she is being a wrinkle in your wedding and if she dont start tryin to be friendly to others and make your special day a happy one then you will have no choice but to remove her...remind her that you are friends and you still want to be that way but that she is making it hard for you to have a hapy day if you have to worry about who she is getting along with..i hope this works out for you in the end....
2006-07-08 08:54:17
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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Tell her you are sorry for putting that burden on her and that you want to take the stress of being a bridesmaid off of her and just have her be a guest so she can enjoy the day.
2006-07-08 14:15:44
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answer #10
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answered by darren b 3
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