Last week, my father went through my English HW and found an entry about him. i was supposed to write about where i feel insecure and i wrote anywhere with my father. i exaggerated a bit on how i hate him and now, he is mad. i have to go back home tomorrow and face him. what should i do? he can never talk about something in a normal tone. he will always start yelling.
2006-07-08 06:44:36 · 7 answers · asked by dragonmaster 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, you did violate the usual rule about family privacy; on the other hand, you used your homework assignment to do some real work on yourself, which is a very wise thing. The work will be worth the price if you continue it. When your father starts yelling, show him the last 2 sentences of your question and calmly (if you can) tell him that's part of what makes you feel insecure.
When I was little I was afraid of my father; when I was a teenager I hated him; but once I was out of the house at college, I realized I loved him, flaws and all, and that I'd learned to be quite a lot like him. I did my best to make sure my own son wasn't afraid of me, and I think I succeeded.
So let your father know (help him understand, if necessary) that what comes out in words as hate is really just momentary anger. Teenagers ALWAYS exaggerate. Remember, your dad was young once, too. He'll remember. And know he's mad because he's hurt. He loves you, and that makes it a lot easier for you to hurt him (without trying, often). So apologize, and try not to yell back, and try to explain yourself calmly and sincerely.
With luck, with patience, just a few years from now, you and he could be good friends.
2006-07-08 07:03:30 · answer #1 · answered by Philo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
oh. I've been there. Just tell him you exaggerated because you had nothing else to write. Maybe that day you guys had a fight. Let him know any issues that you have with him. tell him you are sorry you lied but also tell him you aren't willing to talk if he yells. Or just hear him out and don't say anything until he is done. Its hurtful to a parent to know their child isn't happy with them. Put yourself in his shoes. **Don't ask him why he went through your stuff, it will cause more problems and seem like you are hiding more than you are!!**
2006-07-08 13:52:44 · answer #2 · answered by ♣ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you've got the info and suggestions you needed. Just wanted to emphasize that you should try to hear him out and understand his point of view and ask him to hear you out as well without jumping to conclusions of who's right and wrong, etc.
So you can both understand different perspectives of the same situation and gradually get along well with each other. Seriously, try to be honest so he can understand you better instead of being skeptical that your father would ever understand. Things are impermanent and if you want to see the change in the relationship then you've gotta take a risk and throw yourself into action. Treat him as you'd like to be treated and start from there. It's hard to apologize when pride and hurt are in the way but that's the challenge in life and if you're willing to deal with it, you'll reap strength and trust as well as other mystical wonders that one must experience by oneself. I've got to admit that's a worthwhile question you've got there. :) G'luck!
2006-07-08 14:11:28 · answer #3 · answered by m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a delicate one.
As a Father, I can see your Dad's point of view, he is probably extremely upset that you have written something about him which (to him at least) is very personal.
It's important to try to explain to him that whilst what you wrote may be upsetting for him, it was how you felt at the time you wrote it.
If your Dad is prepared to listen, explain to him that what you wrote isn't how you truly feel about him generally, (assuming of course, that it's not - could you Really hate your Dad?), but that it is important for you to be able to express yourself in ways other than by talking to him directly.
It's important for a Dad to understand that their children will "let off steam" from time to time, and this was just your way of doing that.
It could be a good idea for you to write a follow-up piece of homework expressing how you feel now.
Hope this helps, Carl.
;o)
2006-07-08 13:52:51 · answer #4 · answered by carlhobbs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's good that you got your feelings out in the open. Now maybe the two of you can move on. Maybe it is time for the 2 of you to grow from this. If he is really angry, dont talk to him. He must keep a sane state of mind. It does good to discuss your feelings. It helps us to evolve into being a greater person.
2006-07-08 14:01:01 · answer #5 · answered by scottnicholas77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is like your father and my daughter is like you a little. you shouldn't have exaggerated and sometimes all my husband wants is a sincere apology. I know it sounds nuts but if you go to him first before he asks you to and apologize and mean it, maybe even make yourself give him a hug (I know) but trust me it will calm the savage beast. Good luck!
2006-07-08 13:52:00 · answer #6 · answered by JENNLUPE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him the truth,always be straight up he may like it better that way
2006-07-08 13:51:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋