How can I have a baby w/o getting married?

Question

I look forward to being a father. It's all I want. But I don't want to get married. I know I'd be a good father, but probably not as good a husband.
I see so many families work so well after divorce...shared custody, both mother and father help out...Ideally, I would want a situation like that without ever having to go through the marriage and divorce.
Does anyone know of anyone who has had this situation?
OR!


A woman can become a single mother easily. How can I, a single man, become a single father? I don't want to adopt, and I'm not sure how I feel about surrogacy.

Please do not respond with judgements about my choices. I'm not interested in that, I would like to hear genuine suggestions and comments.

Answer 1

I comend you for wanting to be a single dad. I'm a single dad also and I will tell you that it's not an easy choice. Raising a child by yourself is hard but worth every ounce of energy you put into it.In my case the divorce was not friendly and I have full custody because of abuse and neglect by my ex. So there is no help from that side of the family. If you don't want to adopt and you don't really want a surrogate mother you don't have a lot of options left. Unless you have a close female friend who would do it for you but thats asking a lot. There are women out there who donate eggs and you could do a test tube child but even then you have to have someone to give birth. The only other option I can think of is finding a woman who wants to be in this country legally and would marry you with the understanding that you would get what you want ( a child ) and she would get what she wants ( a life here ). Talk to a lawyer that specializes in family law and ask questions. They should be able to help you. If by some chance you are in Texas let me know as I have the best Family Lawyer in the state. GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

I am fairly certain that in order to have a child and work on what you call the "ideal" shared custody deal, you would have to develop a relationship with a woman. You would want to know her well enough to know undoubtedly that this woman would be an exceptional parent when it was her turn alone with your child. There is nothing worse than worrying about your baby when they are at the other parents home. I also question a woman who could have your child and turn the baby over to you, no strings attached and all will be forgotten. I am a mother and I would fight with my life to keep my children and couldn't be so cavalier as to have one and let it go because you want to be a single dad. I can't honestly say that it couldn't happen. I have several male friends who are single dads where the moms are not in their lives. There are certain circumstances that apply to each of their situations. Some are drugs and others were too selfish to be parents and just walked away, and also mental illness. In either case, expect hurt that your child will suffer. No situation is an easy one, and if you are to do this you must know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you could trust this person entirely and be amicable and truly put the baby first. Good luck to you in your endeavor and I hope you are able to be a daddy. If it is your dream and you want it, then don't let anything stand in your way.

Answer 3

You do have a dilemma there. I am not trying to pass judgment but what is wrong with adoption? There are so so many kids and babies out there that need a good father. It sounds like you would be a perfect candidate for adopting a child. I don't agree with surrogacy only because there are potential issues involved between the 2 people. I really don't know that you have any other choice than adoption unless you find a female who wants the same as you without marriage. But then you would probably share joint custody.

Answer 4

Hmm,.. that's a tough one. I see your point, women could go to a sperm bank. And yes, men could go to an "egg" bank, but without a uterus, it doesn't really work. If you didn't really want the mother involved, I think the only option would be surrogacy. Whether that is the traditional sense or not. You could find a willing woman that would bare your child whether it is her egg or not. But I honestly think you should rethink adoption. There are so many babies out there that need Daddies, that wouldn't otherwise have one. Especially internationally. By your picture, I am guessing you are caucasion? Check out this website www.precious.org IT has photos of waiting children. Scroll down and select "search for children by multiple criteria" and then you can pick age, sex, country, etc. I fyou choose "Eastern Europe" there are many caucasion baby boys and a few girls, that are just waiting for a loving Daddy like you that wants them. And besides, a future girlfriend or wife would probably be more accepting of an adopted child vs. a child you had with another women, whether the other woman is in the picture or not.
But hey, Michael Jackson found a willing woman to bare him a child, so I am sure you could.

Answer 5

I'm not sure if I've ever heard of anyone doing this, but have you ever thought about a surrogate mother? I know women have the choice of sperm banks. Men may have the choice of using a surrogate mother. I think adoption and surrogacy are the only choices. You can always have the situation my fiance and I have. We have 2 daughters together. We're engaged but not in any rush to get married. We are getting married next year though. We've been together nearly 4 years.

Answer 6

Wow, awesome thought.

It is hard because society looks down on single fathers- it is a TABOO to see fathers raising children on their own because of molestation.
This is a reason my father gave me up to the state when I was 9 years old, he divorced my stepmother and moved away. He didn't want to take me with him because he felt that he couldn't take care of me on his own-it was not right for him to be alone with me.
I think you should be open about your feelings about being a father. There are open minded people now that would be willing to help you. There are a lot of people that are having abortions that cannot financially and sometimes selfishly cannot take care of their babies.
Maybe you can adopt their babies if you can make arrangements (legal) with the mother. Of course, consider all your options to give that special someone the best life you can provide for him/her. Just like in my case;). Good luck! Cande

Answer 7

Hire a surrogate mother but be prepared to pay her and all bills which could run into the hundreds of thousands. Also you need to find a woman to retrieve her eggs if you don't want the woman's that will be carrying the child. This may be hard too.By the looks of your picture ,( if you) ,all you have to do is give yourself time and any smart lady would love to raise a child with you ,marriage or not. Good Luck !

Answer 8

Do you have any female friends that want a child, but have no husband prospects? I know its a delicate topic, but it might be worth checking on. Or do you have sisters? Would any of them consider carrying a baby for you with the baby being an IVF with your sperm and doner eggs? Otherwise, I don't know what to tell you. Its not often I hear about a guy that wants this type of situation. But I'm sure there are ways!

Answer 9

There are plenty of orphans in the world who need a good home! Start there. Just be aware that child raising is a 24/7 job for quite a few years. Do you have the means to provide a suitable environment all the time?

Answer 10

Don't rule out adoption! A friend of mine couldn't concieve on her own so she adopted her daughter from an older couple who already had like 6 kids and couldn't afford any more. Believe me, there is no way my friend could love her own flesh and blood any more than she loves her daughter. I'm think of doing the same thing -- I have a little girl but don't want to be pregnant again. It is definitely an option worth checking into!

Good wishes to you,