Hurting, any advice?

Question

I am 13 years old and severly hurting. I call my dad a bit verbally abusive, example : Today, I wanted to go to the mall and everything was going fine, then my dad stared being a total asshole. I told my mom that if I went to the mall, I would stay there, now I am on the verge of being grounded. My "friends" always exclude me out of everything (I think its because I'm fat, 140 lbs.) and I have no one to go to for comfort, except my dog and food, what can do to stop feeling so depressed?

Hurting

Answer 1

You're 13.. 140 is NOT fat.. and this will all be over before you know it. Find something to do at home.. or start asking your dad 237283782 questions about when he was a kid.. he'll eventually get sick of you and let you go (always worked for me) :)

Answer 2

Hey dog lover, sounds like you're having a pretty bad day. You didn't say how tall you are. At 13 140 is not that big... and it doesn't sound like your friends are very good friends. You also weren't specific on what your dad said that was verbally abusive and I don't understand the connection between when you told your mom if you went to the mall you'd stay there and nearly got grounded, unless it was because dad had already said no. Can you take your dog for a walk and meet some new people? Again it's hard to give good advice when there isn't much information....
My best advice is to get involved in some new activities so that you can meet new friends. It's summer time and there will be a lot of people out and about. What about your local library? Do they have programs for people your age? A YMCA? any other activity center?
13 is a tough age anyway, you are not an adult and your not a little kid anymore either. You will get through this, but for you it will seem not fast enough. Call your friends, get one to tell you why they leave you out... The truth is not as bad as the being in doubt. If it's a valid reason like you have body odor, that can be fixed by taking a shower and using deodorant. LOL See what I mean? I wish you the best sweetie. I know how lonely 13 can be. Really. Hang in there. Nana

Answer 3

Your dad is probably like mine ... over protective and scared to death to see anything happen to his princess ... even though it seems to you that he's just being mean. The world is a crazy place and he would probably feel like his life was over if anything happened to you and he wasn't there to protect you.

If your friends exclude you, they are NOT your friends. Lose them. You deserve better. You can be happy being alone ... for now anyway. A true friend will come along ... probably a girl in the same situation as you, just be patient.

And don't forget Mom and Dad ... if they will go through the trouble of grounding you ... they are your friends, deep down. If they didn't care, you'd be turned loose to do whatever you pleased. It's hard to see sometimes, but your parents are the best friends you will ever have. Maybe try talking to your dad, one on one. Tell him you KNOW he loves you. Tell him you're lonely. Ask him if the two of you can be friends. Maybe he can take you to the mall and you can grab a snack or something ... just spend a few hours together. Maybe see a movie?

If your weight is making you feel so bad, change it. But hate the weight ... not yourself! You are beautiful no matter what. And you have the power to make yourself happy ... you just have to be strong enough to find it. Being skinny does not make you beautiful. It can lead to all sorts of health problems that you don't want. Instead, just try being healthy! Exercise, eat right, drink lots of water, and laugh ALL THE TIME! The rest will fall into place.

I know talking to your parents (especially your father) won't be easy. But you just have to take that first step. Stop fighting with them and (without shouting) tell them how you're feeling. They probably don't know :)

Good luck honey ... be strong, cool, calm ... love will save the day!

See how many people answered your question??? You're not alone, and people do care :)

Answer 4

First: if your dad is verbally abusive, you should talk to your mom about it. You didn't say how, or why though, so I can't say much more on that.

Second: your dad is, according to you, being an a hole. You didn't say why. But let me say this, if my daughters used that kind of language, they would be grounded for 2 weeks, minimum. So maybe foul language is part of the problem here. Of course, if your parents cuss up and down around you, then you probably are going to talk just like them, which is very sad. Tip from me to you: while many people cuss, try not to! It is boring, and gives the impression to those around you that you are uneducated. It seems to me that you have some self-esteem issues, so that would be a great place to start, working on using education in your favor.

Third: Telling your mom that you are going to stay at the mall won't help you. I would definately not let my daughters go somewhere if they are demonstrating so much defiance. We would sit down, and have a long talk about their place in the family. Then they would be doing some good, productive housework to make attonements.

Fourth: Now you are on your friends excluding you. If your friends exclude you, they are not friends. Find better friends. They are all over the place.

Fifth: You mention you are fat, and 140 pounds at your age, yes, that is fat. You weigh more than my wife who is 36 years old. Talk to your mom or dad about good eating habits. The good news is at your age, it is really easy to lose extra weight, which seems to be contributing to self-esteem issues. I'm going to give you a couple hints on this topic: no more chips and soda. Eat lots of salad and veggies. Eat fruit before your meals, because that will fill you up a little, so you eat less of the fattening stuff. Eat fruit after your meal for dessert. Concerning excercise: you need it. Start with walking your dog. The dog will love it, and it will be good for you. Get off the computer. Go play kickball, or ride your bike around. Even going to the mall and walking is good for you. But don't just sit in your favorite store. Make laps up and down, back and forth. When you get tired, then go into your store and browse around for 5 minutes, and then get back to walking.

You are the only one who can make a difference for yourself. Stop feeling sorry, and go do it! Make sure you treat yourself now and then. Not with food, but with feel-good stuff. Ask your mom to take you to a salon to get your hair and nails done, or something.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Don't let your father's hurtful words bother you. Have you tried writing? Get a notebook or a diary. Write it all out. Your feelings, your thoughts, everything. Write about it. I promise it helps!! As for the food, you're only 13, you can't risk your life by eating it away. You have a higher chance of becoming obese. That can kill you. And it's a slow miserable death. (no one wants that!) You are young, you can reverse this eating cycle before it gets worse. Try jogging, do some crunches, push-up, and sit-ups. Try cutting out the sweets, fried foods, and junk food. Cut back on your portion sizes. Don't worry about the friends excluding you. Trust me, it won't matter in the long run!! (been there, done that!!) Working out will relieve some of your hurt as well. Stick to it and I promise you will be fine. Good luck!

Answer 6

Friends, TV, food, your dog they are all "comfort" providers when you are 13, but trust me when I say that your hurting, when channeled appropriately, can be a good thing. Do you like to paint? Draw? Write poems? Use your "hurting" in a positive way. Talk to your mom and see if she would take you to the store and help you purchase a journal. Write down all of your thought and feelings and you never know what may appear on the blank pages. You maybe the next Kelly Clarkson or Gwen Stephani, maybe you are a budding author or actress! Channel all those hurt feelings into something positive and you will be pleasantly surprised!

Answer 7

First of all, you need to stop calling your dad an azzhole, unless you can come up with reasons other than he told you no. It is a common trait of kids like you to say that as soon as your parents direct any words toward you that you don't like, even in a whisper, that they are yelling. You need to look at yourself. Are you doing anything to anger your parents? If so, stop immediately and I can assure you that your relationship with them will improve. It is true that maybe they are abusive, but you need to be more specific. If it really is abuse, either verbal or physical, you need to call the cops. Your parents are raising you. They are not trying to be your friends. You had better start making good choices now or your life will be hell later. Also, you need to pick new friends. The ones you have suck.

Answer 8

Listen, I'm 13 too, and 140 is not considered FAT!! Also, if you're having problems with your dad, you should go to someone who can help you! Your dog is a great way to express your feelings, but he/she isn't gonna tell you what to do about it! Try talking to your best friend about it and if they can't help, sit your parents down and tell them why you're not happy! Don't worry, everything will turn out all right!

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Try to talk to you mother, maybe you can go to therepy or a doctor to help you settle your issues. If not try a school counselor or teacher. Try excersizing, it'll help get your frustrations out and it clears your head, excellent stress relief, and what the heck, you'll get in better shape while you're at it. There are plenty of other outlets as well. Try local organizations for kids, you can make new friends, get help, etc..

Good luck.