my boyfriend brought my self esteem way down...?

Question

There was this girl in my boyfriends school and he had told me that she was hotter than me because she was taller and skinnier. He said if me and her were standing in a room together and guys had to choose they would choose her. I have had a really hard time with this and i feel like crap. I decided to not eat or go bulemic to make myself look better for him. Should i be punishing myself or should i stay the way i am and get away from him?

Answer 1

...no, your boyfriend did not bring your self-esteem way down. Only you can raise or lower your self-esteem.

If you have to ask if you should continue punishing yourself or get away from him, then you already know the answer.

Answer 2

First, most of these other answers may very well be correct and you may need to find someone else. It definitely seems like he's inconsiderate toward your feelings, which to me means he isn't really in love with you.

But I thought I should point out that if someone else's looks bothers you, then there is something you need to address within yourself.

I had low self-esteem when I was in my teens and twenties. I thought it had a lot to do with other people, and certainly there ARE people who go around making others feel smaller. But eventually I found out something -- why was I LISTENING to these people? In order for someone else to bring your self-esteem down, you first have to agree to listen to them, agree with what they are saying (it can be complete or partial agreement -- do you think you aren't as pretty?). That is what you need to address.

When you LOVE someone, it isn't about their body. It's about the PERSON, the being inside. Are you choosing to be with him because of his looks? If so, then this is your weakness -- it exposes you to being manipulated on the subject of your own looks because that's what's holding the relationship in place right now. Sexual desire is NOT the same sort of love that creates a marriage or long-term relationship. It's nice to have when you can get it, but if that's all the relationship is based on, then eventually the relationship will fail because there is no substance to it beyond appearance.

If you truly loved him in a spiritual sense, you would have already threatened him with termination of your relationship -- you would have told him to knock it off, or else... Get it?

His actions and comments are destructive to your relationship and will tear it apart. You need to explain this to him, he doesn't understand what love really is. It's just as much your responsibility to do things necessary to continue the survival of the relationship as it is his. So why haven't you brought this up to him? And if you afraid that he'll dump you, then actually you are probably better off if he does.

Hope this is helpful.

Answer 3

I'll let you in on a little secret: It's not your boyfriend who gets to pick its you! There are a number of boys and men (and even some women and girls) who behave that way. They are people who have some heavy duty problems and think by inflicting this crap on others they will feel better. Ofcourse it never happens but they keep doing it any way.
To continue with the secret: you like all of us are uniquely talented. Since you a young(I can tell) you are still in process of discovering what your talents are. Focus on 2 major things: 1. finding out what your talents and abilities are and developing them and 2. making a list of all the qualities in a boy you want and not settleing for less.
First with 1. above. Check out or purchase the book, "What color is my parachute" . It is fairly easy to read and fun to work with...you can also visit with your school guidance counselor regarding this and he or she may have the book. The actual secret to this part is that the things you like best are the things where your talents are going to be. So your main choice is picking out what you like to do first...and spend enough time with this enjoying yourself while you do. After that you then come up with a flexible plan(s) to develop those things. (This is far more fun and satisfying than becoming bulemic, etc...which is a kind of hell....The purpose of life is to enjoy yourself my friend. Check out the book by Ester and Jerry Hicks: "Ask and you shall receive." teaches you how to treat your royal body, mind and soul like the royal Goddes you are!
Now for part 2: Come up with a list of exactly the kind of boyfriend you want and take lots of time with this as well. Some suggestions, but you be the final judge, are someone who treats me kindly and nicely (or even someone who treats me like the Goddes I am :) !) etc etc.
Now consider this...if you have the choice to be a well loved and appreciated Goddess or a bulemic, which choice will you make.
The Secret of course is that you have that choice.
Of course when you make up that list, you have to BE all those things to...you have to give back all that love as well.
After the list is completed, the hardest part comes...the waiting. Here's where your patience will come in. Eventually the exact boy you "ordered" will show up. But the question is will you recognize him. Too many girls and women only fall for those horrendous bad boys that mistreat them and fail to recognize all the nice sweet boys and men all around them. as soon as you can do that, you will be able to have a wonderful boyfriend...and a wonderful life.
In the meantime, also read some of Sark's books to learn how to pamper and care for yourself.
Now..doesn't that sound better than the food tortures you discussed?

Answer 4

are you serious??!! do not starve yourself because he's an idiot!! you should not even be with him! i had a boyfriend of 5 years who did nothing but bring my self esteem down and the best thing i ever did was get rid of him, not i have a boyfriend who loves me and thinks i am the most beautiful woman in the world! you need to feel that way, weather it's true or not-you need a man that feels that way about you.by starving yourself for a stupid boy, you're giving him control of you! no one should have no control of you except you! i can guarantee there is a boy in your school or even in your town or city that would love the way you look with no changes! he should think you're beautiful, after all he is your boyfriend, he should never even have those thoughts in his mind! that is so unacceptable and i cannot believe you are still with that loser!!!!!

Answer 5

ooouch, that's harsh loll
But i think you're thinking too much of it and it was simply a thoughtless comment.

Now i don't know how you look so i can't give you an honest answer. But if you're overweight, then people will judge you as ugly very fast.

I think you should find ways to look better, for both keeping your BF attracted, and keeping your self-image in a healthy place. Do it overtime though, fasting and vomiting will leave you feeling like crap... and risk of loss of hair.
So yeah... either that, or get away from him because of that comment, but i think it's a little overeacted.
I mean... i'd regret leaving my girl for that...

Answer 6

Don't take that crap from him. I'm not necessarily saying for him to hit the road, but you should at least make him suffer some. Give him the cold shoulder, don't call him for a while, don't return his phone calls, be short with him, and whatever you do, don't give up the you know what.

If you don't find that to be theraputic for you, or if he doesn't respond to it, then dump him.

Answer 7

honey i have a feeling i'm built like you. i'm 14 years old, 5'1'' and 121 pounds. i'm pretty short and thick. i experience the same feelings and insecurities that you have. i even tried to make myself throw up once (didnt work) and i used to starve myself. it is seriously not worth it. there are plenty of guys out there who want a thick and curvacious girl. ditch ur "boyfriend" and go find someone who loves u just the way you are. ♥

Answer 8

it would be the best if you get away from him...
in a relationship you need to be happy..there must be mutual interations between the partmers...
but when that doesn't seem to show up anymore, why would you choose to live in a life you don't want??
if you don't split up with him.. you're posing a severe act of being a martyr.. wake up!!!!
don't let it destroy you!!

Answer 9

hey if he made u feel that way he is a peice of **** and u should dump his *** if he doesnt like u for u then ur with the wrong pereson

Answer 10

Get away from him. He's insulted you and he probably thinks that you'll stay with him which is why he now has that "emotional" power over you.