Should i hate my mum?

Question

for the past seven years my mum has been wheel chair bound by an injury causing too much pain for her to be able to walk, socialise and do normal day to day things including being a mother and a grandmother. But she even lost the will to fight against it, not even 6 months ago i found her in her room, over dosed on morphine, i woke her and she freaked out, demanded i bring her a knife and kill her, i wouldnt, so she tried to herself. The family was devistated none of them would even talk to her, only me, but then tried to get everyone back on side by telling them i made her do it. This hurt me alot, but i can forgive her for that, but the thing i cant get over is that she could just leave like that, i needed her in so many ways. but she was just so willing to let herself go. My dad is now an alcoholic and mum is back at home with him, both in hteir own little lorld of depression, both my sister and i have tried to help them but they cant see that anything is wrong.

They are in their own little world of depression and wont let anyone help them, it just makes me question why i should bother

Answer 1

Don't hate her, feel sorry for her, but don't hate her. Tell her that she needs to get help and that until she does, you cannot be around her anymore. You don't want your children to see her killing herself and that until she does something you won't be around. Then leave. That could be her wake up call. You cannot make someone get help. But you can get help for yourself. Look into counseling for yourself, because you are just as much a victim. Suicide hurts the survivors more than the one who did it.

Answer 2

It's ok for you to hate what she has become. That doesn't mean you hate her. This may sound really simplistic, but I think she believes she is no longer of any use to anyone and is nothing but a burden. It may help somewhat if you can try to do little things each day that show her how much you still need her. So much of what a mother has to offer children and grandchildren comes from her head and her heart. I'm sure she has forgotten this in all her pain and suffering. Go to her as often as possible and ask questions about things you need (or don't even need) advice on, ask about how certain things were when she was young, ask about a recipe for a favorite dish of hers that she used to make and tell her you're going to try to make it. Always be sure that you sincerely thank her for her advice, information, whatever ... even if it isn't advice that you plan to follow to the letter. Be sure and tell her that you don't know what you would do without her. Try to do this in a genuine, upbeat way, not in a forced, morbid way that would refer to her trying to end her life. Start a project that she can "do" with you, even if she only feels well enough to do it a few minutes a day. Dig out old family photos and get her to I.D. the people so you can write the names on the back. People often forget these as time goes by. And finally, do what you can do seek out a new pain management method for her. There are new techniques in this all the time and she may not be getting the best and latest treatment for it if she is simply medicating. There are other methods that are helpful to some people. Do something to give her hope. Bless you. I'm sorry for all the pain you are going through. How difficult this must be on everyone.

Answer 3

No dear, your mother loves you. Sometimes when something this devastating happens to a person, they are unable to see beyond their own pain, and their family suffering is unseen. Your mother needs professional help, mental health help. She is suicidal and needs care NOW!! You can get her the help she needs. From your description, it sounds as though she is incapable of making a rational decision, so bringher to the hospital, have them hold her there in a psychiatric ward where she can begin to get the help she needs, then go to the courts and become her temporary guardian. Then you will be able to take charge of her long term care and be certain that she is getting better. I am sorry that your mother's injury happened, but since that can't be changed, her attitude towards her own self must be and that requires time and support. I hope for the best for you. If you are too young to do these things, talk to a family member who is an adult. Be honest and ask for help. Don't worry about what they may think of your mum or dad, just remember that your mum needs you as much as you need her.

Answer 4

As kids we need our parents, as adults they need us. Your poor mom has faced a very difficult time and is not handling it well. Depression is evident and maybe she would be open to talk to someone about it. Maybe not, but you can only support them and love them. Maybe you should sit and talk to her about the fun memories you share, or have her tell you the stories of her growing up, so you have that for your own children. Tell her you love her and you are sorry she is going through all this but you want to have her life journalized for future grandchildren. Tell her after that if she still feels the same way, then you will let her go. I tried this with my grnadmother and she chose to live another 20+ years. We got very close, and had a fantastic relationship. Once it was her time to go both of us felt as though we could say good bye, and we were ok. Although she was not injured in an accident, she had heart failure and would have given up had I not made her see how important her knowledge was even though her body was failing her. I lost both my mom and grandma within 6 years of each other and I miss them both like crazy and cheerish all my memories of them both and I would give anything to have them both back. I think you should stop trying to change them and point out their faults and just be there for them. Love them, because it could be gone before you know it. And until then, reduce the stress and drama of fighting with them. Right now she can not see past the pain, so maybe you can find another way to treat it or deal with it. Talk to her dr and see what they could offer. Good luck with this, and pray about it and for them. Sometimes when we look at it from another view point, we can see another way to get through something..

Answer 5

No I don't think you should hate your mum. Hate is very strong word. My mom lost her battle to MS in 2004. I would do or give anything to have her back in my life. She was my rock. So I can't relate to people when they say they hate there parents. Cause my relationship with my mom was awesome.
There are things they do we don't understand or like that they do but we only get one parent in life. So we make the most of what we are given.
You have to understand that they are not in there right frame of mind. They have an disease. Nobody ever grows up and says they want this lifestyle.
I can understand because my sister was the same way. I felt how you did but then I realized my sister when she was little never aspired to be this way. So we made up. She got clean and on Saint Patricks Day 2006 she died of a heart attack.
What i am say ing is life is to short to hold grudges.

Answer 6

You know what do not hate your mom at all there might be times that you think that but u know what? she brought you into this world and you should be there for your mom as much as you can. Remember she will always be there for you and she is your best friend that you have in your life. Who cares if she is in a wheel chair help her out as much as you can. Get her help talk to someone about it maybe she needs to be in a hospital and for your dad ask for help for him too. Just be there for your family even if you have to fight always suggest good things to them. Do not mention anything about knifes or anything like that because if something did happen you would feel bad in the long run, so just be there and that is all you can do.

Answer 7

How can you hate someone who is in pain every day, all day, and knows she will never get better? Those people who told you to hate her are cruel. She tr4ied to kill herself because she can't handle the pain and what it's done to her life. She took the pills because she can't take it anymore. You found her. You saved her. But in her mind, you just made her suffer more. I know you want her around, after all she's your mum. But she probably doesn't feel like she has anything to give anymore.
Couple suggestions: could you stay with a relative for a while? It would give you some time to clear your head. And could you have some other family members look in on your folks, try to help them out?
Please remember that she is taking a lot of medication and it effects her thinking, her ability to make good decisions, and her ability to be there for you.
Ask around and see if you can talk to a counselor who specializes in kids who have lost their parents- they may be still alive but they are mostly lost to you. Talk to the school counselor or adult friend to help you get information. My very best to you. Take care.

Answer 8

This is a tough one. First of all, good for you for looking after your mother when all others wouldn't.

Try to remember that depression is an illness. It's something she should be treated and possily medicated to correct. Alcoholism and depression go hand in hand ... feeding off each other, so don't blame your parents too much. It's a slippery slope.

Try to get some professional help ... sounds like you could use some relief!

And no ... you shouldn't hate your mum ... hate her depression and her way of dealing with it, but she's your mum.

You have lots of conflicting emotions swirling around you ... maybe you could use a little counseling on how to deal with so much in your life, as well.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Are you superhuman? Do you have some super powers?

I thought not. So don't expect superhuman efforts from yourself. Tell your parents you would love to be there for them and be able to help them but you are far from qualified to be helpful to them. Tell them you love them and because you love them you are going to get some help for them both. The do it. Ring a service that assists wheelchair bound people explain the situation and ask them to assess the situation.

Accept there is always a possibility your mother may suicide and your father may drink himself to death. And while you are busy accepting that accept this:

You have needs too. You have a life. You are not turning your back on them or being selfish by getting outside help. If they try and throw that on you as they most liekly will, you can tell them you understand how they might feel that way but since you are neither suicidal nor an alcoholic you feel you have a little more clarity in the situation and with that clarity you can see that they refusing outside help and expecting so much from you while they keep tryng to kill themselves is the blasted ultimate display of selfishness.

I was injured in an accident 18 years ago. I have lived in pain almost every day since. altough not in a wheelchair it is painful to walk long distances or remain on my feet for long. I have faced suicide and know how darn tempting it is to just cop out and not have to do a darn thing ever again.

However if I expected my child to clear up my mess and refused outside help while pressuring my child into helping me that would be nothing short of nasty selfish self centred garbage.... no matter what I dressed it in... that is what it would be...

Best of luck...

Answer 10

Suicide is a very selfish thing to do. It hurts the people around them. You and your family should have been there for your mom though. She's holding on to a lot of pain and needs support. I think that you can try as much as you can to help them, but if they don't want your help there is nothing you can do but stay by their sides. In the end you will feel good knowing that you tried to help instead of shutting them out.

Answer 11

DO NOT HATE YOUR MOM! She's your only Mom in the world. What she needs is special attention. I know that this kind of cross is hard to carry. But GOD wanted you to go on and carry your cross. Your Mom will be able to cope up with her depression IN GOD's Time. Prayer will heal the wounds of your Mom. Always pray with open heart and be patient in dealing with her. DO keep all the pointed objects now that you know that she has a tendency to commit suicide. Tell your sister to help you and be very patient with you, ok.
Look at the bright side of life. Do have a nice day. Take care and GOD BLESS US ALL.