Am I being selfish?

Question

I have been trying to talk my husband in to trying to have baby #3, but he doesn't want to right now, not for another 4 years, but I know that when 4 years come I won't want to have no more kids because I would get used to the way things are. Our first son is 19 months and our second baby is 6 months, but I want my babies to be close together. I am the one with the boy's 24/7 because he works FT and if we had baby #3 now, our oldest will be out of diapers and our youngest will be close to being out of diapers. So am I being selfish?

ZCT, I wasn't asking for advice on my spelling. That is one thing that I will teach my kids, is not to be rude to others when they are just being themselfs.

Answer 1

No Your not.. I am in the same situation... My oldest is 9 yrs.. and my middle one is 20months and my youngest is 10months.. my husband wants to wait too.. but I feel the same way you do.. lets have them close... cause I can't stand the difference between our oldest and the youngest ones.. plus lets do allthe baby stuff and one time and it's done... he isn't ready... I have tried to get him to see my side but he won't budge.. I can't really make a baby without him... I really think that they don't want another one because they see how crazy the two babies can be sometimes and doesn't want to overwhelm us more than we already are.. I have been just slowly talking to him often about it.. I think if he sees that it is something I really want and then he will see that it means a lot to me and he may be more apt to talk about it... so just keep telling him it means a lot to you and soon enough he'll fold..

Answer 2

You're not being selfish at all, wanting your kids close together is a good thing and as long as you're ok with it, being the one that stays home with them, then I don't see the problem. However, just like you, your husband has the right to say how he feels too. Maybe you can compromise, and have a baby in 2 years. Maybe he needs a break from babies? My kids were 14 months apart, and if I had to do it again, I would have waited. They fight like cats and dogs (they are 14 & 15 now, a boy and a girl).

Answer 3

I don't think that makes you selfish. Unless you disregard his feelings totally. if he doesn't want to, then I wouldn't push it. This is definitely a decision that both of you need to agree on. I would wait. If you can't reach a mutual decision then I would try a compromise. If you really want a baby then you will still want one in 2 years. I mean if you want one now and he's saying 4 years then 2 would be a nice compromise and by then you will still want another one and will be able to give it more time and attention. Not to mention your other 2 will be able to help you with the baby a little and then the next year your oldest will be off to school. You should space them out so that you don't have to pay for a babysitter when they grow up.

Answer 4

Not really, but you guys should make the decision together. If he thinks it's best to wait four years, then he's probably right. Sometimes guys can see stuff ahead of time that us girls don't understand. We want things now and we don't always see what might happen in the future. Sit down and have a talk with him and see what his fears are about having a baby now instead of waiting. Maybe you can talk him down to 2 years? You never know, if you listen to him he may change his mind anyway. My husband has just decided that it was okay for us to try and have a baby. We were married for 1 year (together for 3) and he finally decided that we could try for a baby these last few months. He didn't want to try until we had a decent house to raise a family in. So when we started building our house, he finally started seeing things differently. Make sure you respect his wishes, just as you want him to respect yours, as hard as it may be.

Answer 5

Maybe not selfish, but not looking at the big picture. Kids are expensive and they get more so the older they get. Your husband maybe looking for more of a break between the kids so he can get more a nest egg going for each. Have you thought about 3 kids in college at the same time? Your husband may also be worrying about paying for another baby on the salary he is currently making and wants to move up or working on getting a larger salary before another child is born. Talk to him and maybe you can compromise to waiting 2 or 3 years instead of 4.

Answer 6

Not at all! I was 24 when I had my first baby and we both wanted a large family,and I didn't want to be too old when they were growing up.When my first child was 5 1/2 I gave birth to the 5th baby! Sadly thogh we were divorced when the youngest was 2 1/2 yrs old.It had nothing to do with the kids.I caught him cheating! I remarried 3 yrs later and had another baby then at age 38 my 7th child was born.If I had it all to over again... I wouldn't change a thing!Raising those kids were the most wonderful years of my life!

Answer 7

In all honesty yes, just because you are with the kids more than him does not mean jack. Apparently he wants things to be more financially stable in the home before adding another child into the equation. Why rush? That is what is wrong with society people rush into things when there is no need. I am pregnant with baby #4 and my husband wants to have another when he comes home from overseas in March 2007, but I told him we shall wait because for one I want to enjoy my baby and second I want to make sure we are financially ready for baby #5 and there other things we need to do before adding another child and he totally understands because it is my body and I have no idea what his military career stands in 4 years from now. There are so many things you need to sit down and look at before jumping up getting pregnant again. I would have loved for this baby to be close in age with the other kids who are 11, 6 and 4, but you know things work out for a reason not just because we want it to. Be blessed that you have 2 kids already.

Answer 8

If you go against his will, it will ruin your marriage. Being selfish? Perhaps not, but maybe he's thinking beyond that. Maybe he thinks finances are already too tight, house is too small, etc. He also might feel you are too stressed and you need the break or he can't take it.

As the mom of a 9 and 13 year old who said she'd never want kids down the road, I can also say that that is wrong. I'd love to have another baby now that my two are older.

Answer 9

With all the extra expenses of raising a family your husband probably wants to be more financially secure. He is under a lot of stress figuring out how he will be able to support the whole family Right now money is probably tight. He probably isn't getting much sleep with all the children running around and crying, and the extra financial burden. I suggest that you wait until your husband feels more comfortable. You two arguing over this can and will put a strain on your marriage.
Be patient.

Answer 10

no way. i think the closer they are the better. In 4 years both your boys will have been out of diapers for quite some time. why would u want to have to go back and do the baby stage all over again?