I'm so sick of getting rejected. What am I doing wrong?

Question

Everytime I've asked a girl out in person she's gotten that look that told me the answer before she had to say anything. That look is like a knife in your heart, and my self esteem is so low now that I'm afraid of ever getting rejected again. I wish there could be just one time when I ask a girl out and there's a smile on her face. Could I be doing something wrong? What can I do different?

Answer 1

Okay i wrote a biggass comment and my browser bugged, happy me! yay!

But okay a resume of it :

I think it's obvious with your question, and the way you ask it that you lack self-confidence. Unfortunately, i believe that to be the foundation of an attractive person, especially with men.

To give you an idea, it's like if you knew for sure that a certain girl is really really into you, and you were just going to let her have a chance to win your heart. That shows confidence! If you could think that of everygirl you liked, you'd have a visible "aura" of self-esteem. You have to think you're worth every single girl around, not the other way around. You can, and will be able to handle any girl, no matter how beautiful or how high maintenance they are.
But... great self-confidence takes a while to build, keep thinking you're worth it, and... well, you will be.

Also, don't let past experience hurt you that much. Not sure if you're familiar with the "Donkey in a well" story, so here's a link http://www.lisashea.com/lisabase/fun/donkey.html. (read it)

Now if you can shake off those rejections, and look back into them to learn what you did wrong, and what you did right, then they become positive experiences. Learning experiences that is...
I believe that the best quality a man can have in the dating world is to know how to cope with rejection: so what?! It's almost certain that another quality women will enter your life, not that big of a deal... Now it's harder if you're in love with her, but eventually, you gotta take consciousness of the reality... and move on!
(life's short, you can move on now, or 5 months later... your choice!)

Learn to be positive, that helps too... Being realist has it's pros, but in the long run, it's better for your mental health to be positive all the time =)

Also, if you got any friends who are good with girls, don't hesitate to ask them question, and watch them "in action". Look for what works what doesn't. Rule of thumb is Fun, teasing, confidence and flirting sparks attractiong, Boredom, Neediness and looking weak doesn't.
(can't really elaborate here... it'd take pages and pages)

So yeah... work on your self confidence, learn how to take rejection and then try yourlself with girls until you get what works, and what doesn't... would also helps if you can learn those things by the means of books, friends... seminars... safes you time and money (wasted on the girls). Hope that helps, good luck! =)

Answer 2

First of all, I admire your courage to ask these ladies out in the first place. However, you should have a good feel for whether or not a girl is interested in you before you actually have to go through the trouble of asking them out. A lot of good relationships occur naturally, without even a need to directly ask a woman out. The most important thing you can do is be yourself and see who is attracted to that person. Of course maybe the reason girls give that look of rejection is because they can detect your low self esteem and it makes them feel awkward. Either way, be yourself and believe in yourself! There is nothing "different" to try, although I might recommend trying to get a better feel for what a girl would say if you asked her out before you actually ask her in the first place, use your intuition!

Answer 3

You must be going after the wrong things in women. Change what it is that you are looking for or are attracted to. That last one is hard -- I know from personal experience. I've gone through exactly this thing that you ask about. I'm a decent looking guy too, intelligent, friendly, have my own business -- it took getting turned down a lot until I realized it was my selection that was at fault.

Sometimes things happen by fate, sometimes there's a reason for what happens to us. It's really something you have to decide for yourself, between you and your own religion. All the times I've been turned down has made me stronger, even though the process was painful. No pain, no gain -- applies to relationships too.

But I've forced myself to look for other qualities in women -- work ethic, morals, loyalty, intelligence. There's the old cliche about not judging a book by it's cover...

Answer 4

Hmm, this is a tricky one. Do you feel confident in your abilities to get a chick to go out on a date with you? Ask people, maybe not the ones that told or gave you the "look"- but more like friends and ask what you are doing wrong. Be confident you will get a woman! Get to know the girl before you ask her out, make her comfy around you, then ease into the dating aspect.

Answer 5

Don't b so available. Girls like 2 work 4 a guy. And don't give up. Maybe the one time u don't ask a girl out, she could b the 1 and u don't want 2 miss that.

Answer 6

Look dude,
the period of dating a girl is like a strategy game. you must think first before you act. most important thing is that you must have some information about her.her personality,what kind of things she like and so on..then you can have a plan.
by the way, there is no one reason that you are being rejected all the time.maybe your choices are not that good,thats all.so you are not doing anything wrong particularly.and dont forget: its a good thing that you have the courage to ask a girl out,lots of people want to do that,but they never can.so you are way too better than the average.
good luck..and mail me when you date someone.)

Answer 7

Honestly, when a guy recieves that look it is because the woman gets the impression that guy has very low self esteem. Truly, you need to portray the image that you are comfortable with yourself and who you are. Rejection is part of life and you have to remember that. Humor helps add the smile on the face of a woman.

Answer 8

You have to have confidence or you will get rejected. Put your self in a situation that gives you confidence. Find something you are good at where there will be girls to meet. Then put yourself in that situation where you are the confident one. Then it will be easy to talk to them and form a relationship. And just remember it's a numbers game. The more you ask the greater your odds. So don't give up.

Answer 9

Id say be confident and assertive. also dont ask her out, when you get to that point in a conversation say something like " Lets go to the park on saturday" basiclly make it so she either accepts or has to be the bad guy and say a flat out no, which most girls wont do. Also you should try looking in new places.

Answer 10

You need to build up your self confidence, first. Take some time off. Stop being "available." Make friends with women, I mean real friends. I guarantee that at least one woman you become friends with will have a crush on you. Women like men who can be friends without pushing for more, because then we know, when we are involved with him, he's not just in for the sex.