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Make me laugh! The fewer old stand-bys, the better...

2006-07-07 19:58:32 · 11 answers · asked by frenchfry28 1 in Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

11 answers

Joke: What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean...

Punchline: A good start.

Drums: ba-dum-ba

2006-07-07 20:02:56 · answer #1 · answered by kcsilverlining77 4 · 0 0

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them..."

2006-07-08 03:28:26 · answer #2 · answered by LiN 6 · 0 0

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food.
And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.
One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow. I
can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."
So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked blonde woman floating face up... headed toward their island. The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, and totally unconscious.
The two lawyers went over to her and discovered, yes she was alive. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time. Do you think we should, you know, screw her?"
The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked, "Out of what?"

2006-07-08 03:22:04 · answer #3 · answered by Pd 6 · 0 0

A canadian an american and a lawyer were standing at the top of the calgary tower, the canadian says to the lawyer, I can jump off of here and hit the ground and bounce up, the lawyer says anything you can do I can do...so the canadian jumps off the tower hits the ground and bounces back up...the lawyer says anything you can do and jumps off...falling fallin splat.
The american looks at the canadian and says you know superman you can be a real a$$h0le sometimes.

2006-07-08 03:05:40 · answer #4 · answered by partout250 4 · 0 0

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.

2006-07-10 16:40:27 · answer #5 · answered by Chino 3 · 0 0

This isn't a joke, it's a dumb lawyer story. It's still funny, though. My sister is a legal secretary. One day, while she was working, one of the lawyers walked by and asked if she was working that day. What did he think she was doing at the time?!

2006-07-08 03:13:12 · answer #6 · answered by zaradulce02 5 · 0 1

One day, the lawyer's dog stole a piece of meat at the butcher.
the butcher, angry, went to the lawyer and say "Sir, if one day, someone's dog stole meat at my shop, can I ask his owner to pay me for that meat? "of course you can" replied the lawyer. "Then u owe me $20" said the butcher. The lawyer without hesitating gave the butcher his money.
After 2 days, the butcher got a letter from the lawyer writing 'CONSULTATION $50'

2006-07-08 03:20:55 · answer #7 · answered by serial kisser 2 · 0 0

whats the differance between a catfish and a lawyer. answer: Ones a scum-sucking bottom feeder and the other is just a fish.

2006-07-08 03:01:26 · answer #8 · answered by gorg515 3 · 0 0

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows they are caught up with too much litigation

2006-07-08 03:11:40 · answer #9 · answered by gwad_is_a_myth 4 · 0 0

why in the heck do you need lawyer jokes

2006-07-08 03:05:29 · answer #10 · answered by Jesse 1 · 0 1

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