Please help...long but please read...no kids please I need SERIOUS help!!!?

Question

Okay I need a little help, see my Dad passed away last year in August and it was really hard on My two brothers and me. He left my Mom in charge of everything (although they had been seperated) but did not leave a will. He had a 2003 ford f-150 super cab truck that was paid off in full. My brothers and I did not want to sell it because my Dad loved his truck so much and we wanted to kind of keep it in the family. Well my oldest brother decided he was going to take it because he was behind on payments for his car, he said that he would return it when he was paid up on his car because repo was looking for his car. We were mad at him because he had lied when he took it saying that he just had to move some things. Well my Mom used his car one day and was in an accident and his car was totaled. He didn't have insurance on his car however my Mom's insurance covered the accident. Well now he has totaled my Dad's truck and again was not paying insurance on it however my Mom had been and insurace paid 17,200, my Mom wants to split the money between me and my two brothers but my oldest is VERY mad and says that he should get all the money because he was using the truck and my Mom wrecked his car last year so she owes him that even though she has given him, his wife and 2 year old THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS (seriously) of dollars out of her own pocket while they were going through hard times. I know I need money right now but my brother is so mad that my mom wants to split the money I don't know what to do or think. He doesn't care that I need money for my family (husband and 4 year old daughter). My husband says I shouldn't care about him because he is being so selfish. He wouldn't even be getting a dime if my Mom hadn't been paying the insurance on the truck and he doesn't even care. He should be happy he is getting 5thousand something shouldn't he? Everytime my mom says something to him he gets so mad and says she owes him and says really ugly things to her. It has been a really hard decision for her to make. I just want some outsiders perspective on this to see if we are doing the right thing spliting the money and maybe somethings to tell my brother to settle him down, he is so so so very mad, he says he should get all the money.

I just want to say thank you for all your great answers. It's so hard because my brother can be a very kind person but acts completly crazy at certain times especially when money is involved. My husband says he thinks that it is his wife that makes him act like this. I don't know all I am doing is just praying and asking God to soften his heart. My Mom and Dad were still married but my Mom just wants us three to have what my Dad left behind because she says he would of wanted that. Again thank you all and God Bless

Answer 1

First of all, as a matter of law your father's estate belongs entirely to your mother. You said they were separated and not divorced.

So, let's put that aside and assume that your mom gets nothing and your dad's estate gets split between you and your brothers equally.

Your brother had no right to take your dad's truck. He borrowed it under the pretense that he would give it back when his own car was paid up. So let's be clear on the fact that he has no actual claim on the truck.

Your brother's idea that he should get the truck because your mom totalled his car is just silly because your mom already paid for that damage through her insurance.

Your brother may *think* he has some special right to that money, but he doesn't.

So, here's my advice.

For the sake of simplicity, let's forget about all the car borrowing and totalling. Insurance has paid for all of that. Let's also forget about the giving of money in hard times. That's not part of your dad's estate.

Okay, so your dad passed away and has a certain amount of money and possessions (like the truck, now converted into $17,200 by your brother's carelessness). Let's assume that your mom is going to take nothing from the estate.

I would say that the smart thing to do would be to divide the estate equally among you and your brothers. Sell everything that has significant monetary value. That includes cars, boats, houses, etc. Divide the resulting money equally.

There are probably some small things that have sentimental value to each of you. You should all get together and let each other know what items you want to remember your dad by. You should agree that nothing over $100 in value can qualify.

Anyone not agreeing to that deal is obviously just out for the money and should be ignored.

Again, by law your mother is the legal recipient of your father's estate so she's the boss as far as who gets what. I would tell her to divide your dad's estate equally. And also to tell everyone that if she hears any whining or complaining that she's going to give it all to charity instead. That's her legal right.

Don't let your brother bully you and your mom into giving up what's rightfully yours.

Answer 2

Well I think you are doing the right thing, and yes your right he should be happy that someone in your family was being financially practical and keeping up on the insurance payments. Sounds like your brother isn't too financially savoy. He is lucky your mom is willing to give him anything since he should of paid fair market value on the truck to you and your other brother. Sounds like your being more grown up about this then he is. I don't know what you could say to your brother to calm him down except maybe hint at the fact he totaled dad's truck and you and your brother will never have the joy of driving it. Let him know how much this hurts, let him know that you miss seeing your dad's truck in the driveway. Ask him how he would feel if you had done what he did. Not sure I helped but I hope I sent you down the right path.

Answer 3

Your mother is right to split the money. Legally, she doesn't have to give any of you anything, but since she is, it is right to split it equally. Personally, for all the problems your brother has caused, I wouldn't give him one red cent and he should consider himself lucky he's getting anything. After all, he as much as stole the truck in the first place. He has shown over and over again that he is immature and irresponsible, not paying insurance on either vehicle, and he is just being selfish. Take the money and don't worry about what your brother thinks or how mad he gets. He sounds like a toxic person and you might just be better to cut him out of your life entirely.

Answer 4

It was your dad's truck. It now belongs to your mom. She has full rights to decide to give some or none to anyone.

Your brother sounds abusive and needs help if nothing else stay clear of him for a while. What are the chances the money means more to him then someone's life?

I married into an Italian family. Anyone acted like that would get told to go to hell and wouldn't get anything. However my Irish family would at least attempt to put things at ease. Gentle questions like "Do you think Dad would like our family breaking up and hating each other over a car" might help, might not.

To me now means no. I wouldn't give him a penny. Take the money and invest it in something else then its gone and cannot be taken, begged, threatened for. Any way to do that that makes him belive it was out of your mom's control would be even better. Its gone, you can't have it, we can't get it for you....

-Rob

Why are your trying to be nice to someone who will not be nice to you?

Answer 5

It's so sad that the death of a loved one can bring out the worst in people. If your mom wants to split the money then the money should be split. Your dad left her in charge for a reason & I am sure it wasn't to just give it all to one child. Good luck with this, I hope everyone gets through this hard time & back on good standing with one another.

Answer 6

I don't want to judge another person, but the description you have given is typical of someone who lacks maturity and who can't take responsibility for their own life. There is no easy solution to a problem like that. The best thing to do in a case like this is to leave it between your brother and your mother and make sure that you don't ever need to depend upon upon your family for help by being mature and responsible yourself.

Sure, you can try and help your mother not make a similar mistake in the future, but I'm guessing that your brother is the way he is because your parents didn't teach him to be responsible and self reliant in the first place and so usually that's a pattern that just continues on. If you get into a war with your brother all you will do is get a lot of heart ache out of the situation.

I had relatives like him that used to really bother me until I came to having a saving relationship with God through Christ Jesus. Now I don't worry about what other people have because I can trust that He will meet all of my needs through his riches and glory in Christ Jesus as I live a "kingdom first" lifestyle.

Matthew 6:27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Answer 7

You guys are doing the right thing. The truck didn't belong to him anyways so none of the money is his. Sounds like he's gotten more than his fair share without the rest of you getting what you deserve. Tell him to grow up and stop being so greedy. Good luck. I wish I knew what to tell you, but the only way he's going to be happy is if he gets everything and the rest of you get nothing.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, a death in a family usually brings out the "buzzard" effect in some members. Sounds like your brother is very selfish. Your Mother seems to be a very fair person. And, your brother needs to start some kind of payment plan to pay your Mother back the thousands of dollars she has loaned him. And, please don't blame his wife...think back into his childhood. I would venture to say he exhibited selfish traits even then. Good luck!

Answer 9

It is my opinion that he is being rather selfish. As you stated, he should be happy he's getting anything because of his lack of responsibility by letting his insurance (and car payment) fall behind. Don't let his whining bother you, take what your mother gives you and be glad you have it in memory of your dad. If he wants to act foolish and talk mean to your mother, 1-Try to work it out with him & tell him to stop being childish. 2- If that doesn't work...talk to the local law enforcement about his behavior. You and your mother certainly don't need anymore drama after the loss of your father.

Answer 10

wow ,its allways hard when loosing a love one,but fighting over money a material things is wsrong and selfish,at this time we should pull together and have a family meeting a decide who needs what based on what he left behind,and if you cant give it to charity,im sure he would be happy if that was the case,god bless you